Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-10-02 11:30 am
azurelunatic) wrote2002-10-02 11:30 am
Glah: digression about understatement.
There's that very fine line between honesty and "was it really necessary to say that?" and I'm always finding that the grey area is more patchy and scattered than I'd think it should be.
Today,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wiredferret, was another one of those moments that you and I both make the ouch-face over.
It's all about the subtext. Without it, most of the content is lost. With it, the way expression and preloaded meaning are used, a person who wasn't there but hears it with full subtext gets perhaps more out of it than was originally meant.iroshi, you're my best source to turn to on issues that make me scratch my head and say, "...the fuck?", because you see into this so very well...
After I mentioned the vast understatement that "that suit doesn't look half bad on you" is, Darkside mentioned another historical understatement of our past together: namely, his description of me to his father.
He'd described me to his father, when physical descriptions were called for, as "a little overweight." All well and good. Understatement, yes. When his father was not-really introduced to me at school (same place, same time, only female person in the school who Darkside would approach and speak with), Darkside's father's reaction to Darkside afterwards was that of reaction to the understatement. Yes, it's rather more than a little, by current standards.
[It's clearly something that Darkside is bothered with about me, but it's also, equally clearly, something that Darkside has accepted as part of me. It's also something that he has tagged as one of my primary physical identifiers.]
I told Darkside that this was a subject that I was rather sensitive on, and furthermore, that I am working to change this. Darkside said that it's rather easier to put on than take off, which led into a discussion of costuming, trying to figure out if there are any varieties of clothing that are easier to get into than out of.
Little by little, we're working towards a friendship where we know where the sore spots are, so we won't step on them, and so we can help each other grow stronger...
Today,
wiredferret, was another one of those moments that you and I both make the ouch-face over. It's all about the subtext. Without it, most of the content is lost. With it, the way expression and preloaded meaning are used, a person who wasn't there but hears it with full subtext gets perhaps more out of it than was originally meant.
iroshi, you're my best source to turn to on issues that make me scratch my head and say, "...the fuck?", because you see into this so very well... After I mentioned the vast understatement that "that suit doesn't look half bad on you" is, Darkside mentioned another historical understatement of our past together: namely, his description of me to his father.
He'd described me to his father, when physical descriptions were called for, as "a little overweight." All well and good. Understatement, yes. When his father was not-really introduced to me at school (same place, same time, only female person in the school who Darkside would approach and speak with), Darkside's father's reaction to Darkside afterwards was that of reaction to the understatement. Yes, it's rather more than a little, by current standards.
[It's clearly something that Darkside is bothered with about me, but it's also, equally clearly, something that Darkside has accepted as part of me. It's also something that he has tagged as one of my primary physical identifiers.]
I told Darkside that this was a subject that I was rather sensitive on, and furthermore, that I am working to change this. Darkside said that it's rather easier to put on than take off, which led into a discussion of costuming, trying to figure out if there are any varieties of clothing that are easier to get into than out of.
Little by little, we're working towards a friendship where we know where the sore spots are, so we won't step on them, and so we can help each other grow stronger...
no subject
PVC catsuits.
Putting them on is medium easy. Taking them off in a hurry, when you desperately need to pee is another.
no subject
Wet jeans. Wet jeans are one of the pains in the ass of the universe, epecially if they were tight to begin with.
no subject
no subject
Oh.
That was it.
Um.
Not quite sure how to ask this one, but I'll give it a shot.
From your perspective, what is up with my weight issues, his issues with my weight, and my issues with his issues? It's something that's muddy and muddled and muggled and mangled and so entirely unclear to me that I don't know what's going on.
It seems to be clear to me that one of his biggest blocks against seeing me as attractive is my weight. Which is only fair, as it's one of mine as well.
Troubles being, of course, that snarky is Darkside's natural mode of operation, and I do need to lose weight.
I don't know where any of it is headed, what, really, "it" is, and/or how much damage is being done to each of us, if any.
Confused Azz, in other words.
datapoint
Arlo and I often tease each other in ways which would sound rude if the intonation were taken out. This is usually fine with both of us. Sometimes specific subjects are ouch-topics for me. We're not good at identifying them before I go ouch, but I've gotten good at saying "Ouch. No teasing on that subject for a while please?" and he's good at responding to such requests. They're usually topics which I need to fix, which is part of why they hurt. From my perspective, your situation with Darkside resembles this: you've now said "ow, teasing off-limits there".
Another datapoint: if I start getting snarky about something I'm actually upset about (not just an "euw, you farted" feeling, but actually upset), the conversation needs to be scrapped and started over. It's at the level of safeword or pointed "my, that's an interesting wall. It has wallpaper on it."[1]. Darkside may have a similar head-setup.
[1] Noticing an extremely boring piece of environment and commenting pointedly on it is one of the standard "can we *please* change the topic now?" request systems in some of the social circles I'm in. It differs from normal ADD "look, a blue flower!" in tone and in complete lack of interesting description.
Re: datapoint
We know how good of friends we really are, even if our mouths occasionally say the wrong thing at the wrong moment. He just doesn't have much in the way of social skills for close-up. He's too used to holding everyone at a distance.
Besides Votania, I think I'm one of his first, and closest, female friends. I am his closest female friend now.
He's nice.
Re: datapoint
When I'm suddenly mouse-quiet and not talking, he drops the subject as soon as he sees it and makes sure I'm OK.
Fortunately for all concerned, he knows how to reset me.
no subject