From comment: Aggression, Anger = Spine

[azurelunatic]

Have been learning, Ari-style, to use my pissy moods to drag up things that are problems, and get all my ranting about them done then, in a forum where the words I say cannot harm, and then address the problems when I'm calm enough to make myself understood and listened to and not hurtful without cause.

I have been lucky enough to get positive reinforcement for aggression in the form of standing up for self (going a little farther than that, even) in the form of a cheerleading squad (Darkside, yay) saying "It's about time you stood up for yourself." Not particularly praising it as something extraordinary, but as something that should become ordinary.

It puts things in interesting perspective when telling the tale of what was, at the time, a youthful bravery, hearing Darkside say, "You really were spineless then."

Comments

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

See, aggression and self-assertion are different to me, but it may just be semantics. It is agression when I say, "That is a wrong thing to do." It is assertion when I say, "Please don't do that to me. If you do it again, I will do this." (usually it's 'leave').

The difference, to me, is focus. Taking care of myself is possible without impinging on other people. Aggression is involving other people in my needs without their permission.

[azurelunatic]

It's semantics, and it's not just your problem. I had been conditioned that when other people impinged upon me, to say anything about it to them, to ask them to stop, was an act of aggression on my part. Never mind asking them to stop, with a warning of consequences, even "me leave" or "suspend sex".

It is aggression when I dish out a mild helping of someone's own medicine back to them. That's something I try not to get carried away in, but it occasionally does happen. I make a note of it when it does.

What I do not like is when people do not respect others telling them, "You are infringing on my space. Please stop," but they will listen when they are infringed back upon. I do not like being put in that sort of situation. I do not like what that does to my brain.