Baby steps

[azurelunatic]

So.

I blame myself, harshly, when I say things to other people that I think might help, but instead causes them pain/angst, especially when I should have known better.

I feel horrible, and I feel that my face/body are incapable of expressing just how horrible I feel. There are no outward signs to mark me as the scumbag I am for being so inconsiderate...


Because I must be a scumbag, if I mean to say something that will help someone, and instead wind up saying something that makes them feel worse.

Comments

[hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com]

Or maybe it's not about you at all, and it's really only about them.

But I seem to have an aversion to guilt that I've only recently discovered isn't shared by many people. I judge my actions by my intentions, and not by their results. Does this sound weird to you? It doesn't help my relationships go any smoother, but it seems to spare me the scumbag stuff you mentioned. I'd tell you how to get from there to here, but I really haven't a clue. And I also can't honestly say it's any better.

[azurelunatic]

I am not the only one with issues.

Things get worked out.

[hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com]

Actually i was trying to hint in the other direction... that you aren't the one with the issues after all.

But it was just kind of a thought that I thought might be worth considering. I'm far too emotionally remote to know much about this sort of thing. i growled at my issues and they went scampering away. I'm sure they're still out there somewhere.

(Sorry, that was a rather twisted metaphor, as is almost everything I say. When ye can't say what ye mean, say something else entirely. *grin*)

[azurelunatic]

I know there are issues on the other end, and I feel as if I ought to have avoided triggering them, since I'm aware of them.

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

You said something you thought would, and intended to, help. That doesn't make you a scumbag. Scumbags set out to intentionally hurt people. Pain is the universe's way of saying, pay attention. You have a lesson to learn. Whether it's about yourself, or about the object of your intended help, is not plain.

Stop beating yourself. Sit. Listen. Ask questions, if you need to. Learn.

The pain you are feeling may well say more about someone else than it does about yourself... but I know one thing. It says you care. Scumbags don't care.

[azurelunatic]

I've got issues. <azzgrin> The above insights were arrived at in an extended conversation with my priestess-confessor.

Slowly but surely.

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

That's an interesting title. I kind of like it. :D

[azurelunatic]

Cool.

It fit, because I tell you stuff, and yet you're not the traditional variety of confessor, being not Catholic. (My ex-fiancée was Catholic. She's Quaker now, and much happier.)

[azurelunatic]

Also, it's good for when I have to bring up stuff and don't especially want to mention you by name, and want to stress the non "just friends" aspect of our relationship.

Guide Dog Aunt wants a priestess-confessor too.

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

One thing about Azz: if she still *felt* this way, she wouldn't be able to post it. Or at least not in coherent sentences. :) If it's coming out in multiple posts discussing the subject, with paragraphs and coherent sentences, then it's because she's processing the reprogramming and trying to fix the error functions we worked out. ^_^

[azurelunatic]

Damn straight.

Often, real-time progress of my anguish doesn't hit the web unless it's on private.