Baby steps

[azurelunatic]

So.

I blame myself, harshly, when I say things to other people that I think might help, but instead causes them pain/angst, especially when I should have known better.

I feel horrible, and I feel that my face/body are incapable of expressing just how horrible I feel. There are no outward signs to mark me as the scumbag I am for being so inconsiderate...


Because I must be a scumbag, if I mean to say something that will help someone, and instead wind up saying something that makes them feel worse.

Comments

[hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com]

Or maybe it's not about you at all, and it's really only about them.

But I seem to have an aversion to guilt that I've only recently discovered isn't shared by many people. I judge my actions by my intentions, and not by their results. Does this sound weird to you? It doesn't help my relationships go any smoother, but it seems to spare me the scumbag stuff you mentioned. I'd tell you how to get from there to here, but I really haven't a clue. And I also can't honestly say it's any better.

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

You said something you thought would, and intended to, help. That doesn't make you a scumbag. Scumbags set out to intentionally hurt people. Pain is the universe's way of saying, pay attention. You have a lesson to learn. Whether it's about yourself, or about the object of your intended help, is not plain.

Stop beating yourself. Sit. Listen. Ask questions, if you need to. Learn.

The pain you are feeling may well say more about someone else than it does about yourself... but I know one thing. It says you care. Scumbags don't care.