azurelunatic | to higher levels

We've found a new level to connect on. Darkside and I are now comparing notes on martial arts techniques and exercises. We may end up setting aside some of our precious mornings in order to spar somewhere. I suggested a few things that might help -- he is having a bit of difficulty balancing sometimes, and is far easier to knock over than he might be.

The people in the computer lab that we were sparring outside of, the guy who made a comment about "heat between the students" the other morning when discussing lab temperature, raised the blinds in order to watch the sparring that was going on. We were having lots of fun out there. Darkside found my center of gravity, shoved. I flew back a few feet.

(Before we went outside to spar, I came within a handspan of grabbing his ass in a blocking move... only realized after I'd removed my hand that I'd been grabbing too personally...)

I love this. I love every bit of this. I love the way he makes me smile. I love the way our energies flow together without needing to constantly recalibrate to fit into each other.

Darkside, if you're reading this, I'm sorry for being obnoxious. I know I do tend to be. Just tell me when I am, right then, and I'll shut it down. [and please, smile after you say it, or I may shut down......] I'm glad you expect me to be there, now... when you go to class...

I am honored to be a part of your life.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've seen you posts in my friend the lost girl's journal. So ummmm.. I feel almost like I'm intruding reading your thoughts like this but this is live journal and that's what it's for. Your relathionship with darkside sounds wonderful. Never felt safe enough to come unglued with anyone almost with my lost friend but not quite. Don't have the ability to let go enough. I hold on to composure wth a tiger grip of death. It's funny that you said that because it was just the other day I thought I needed to let it all go and weep uncontrollably for several hours.
So what style do you do? I do several different styles of kung fu. My teacher breakes it down into practical application and shows stdents different specialties depending on their strengths an weaknsses. Actualy, I think he'll teach you what you want to learn because ther are two people learning mantis style right now who are physically unsuited to it. At tis point I'm trying to get the basics down like in takedowns I'm tying to learn the prnciples of disrupting someone's center as opposed to just doing techniques.
One more thing... who was that last comment about boderline personality disorder directed to? I felt like it could as easily been directed to me as Pepper and I was unclear on that. But then I thought "why would anyone go read my journal and post somethn about it in somone else's?" Then I thought, "wy would anyone read my journal?"
Oh the cat thing. Giving him bath wil just piss him off. You need to catch him in the act an do something he despises like spray him with water that he won't associate with you. It has to be something unpleasant that he'll cnnect to is action and it has to be as he's in the act. Like I said, don't make it sometig he'll associate with you because then he'll run when he sees you and keep doing what he's doing. Soooo ya. Whatever. Pet tips from the expert. I gues I'll see you around.

Yeah, that's what LJ's for, peering into other people's lives. There are some things I've got friends-only posts about, of course.

I am not a martial artist yet. My only training in the field has been a semester or so of fencing class (foil), and some individual effort of duct tape swords. Darkside is Tae Kwon Do, and is somewhat out of practice now, though he did attain Blue Belt before the rest of his life got too hectic on him.

...and yeah, that comment about borderline was for her, not you. Sorry I didn't address it a little better... I was meaning to poke my beak into your journal at some point, but hadn't yet...

We're still working on the cat issue. One of my friends suggested stickytape upside down on the off-limits surface right where he'd step, so he'd get caught no matter if we were there or not. That sounds like an idea.

The friendship that Darkside and I have is absolutely wonderful. After coming unglued with him a few times, it's gotten so I don't have to break down half so often, and that's amazing. Something about someone who knows where all the pieces should go, I guess, rather than where they were when it finally broke. He always knows what to say, too...

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too. I was pretty sure that was the case. It touched me anyway. I almost broke tonight. I'd like to think it's because I'm feverish and Iwas stupid enough to do two hours of kung fu training earlier. I think it had somethin to do wih that but that wasn't all. I takes good care of my self, I does. Then instead of stayig in and watching TV under a warm blanket I went out to the mall. Bleah. umm... Well see you. I have to go neglctmy health some more. 'Bye!

:) I don't know you hardly well enough to make comments about your state of mental health, or lack thereof... :)

It's not good to go for too long without breaking down if you really need to. Watch out for that. If you choose when and where you break down, you've still got the control. If you bottle it up so long it breaks out on its own, then it's got you.

anyway, peace.

yeah, I know you don't know me from a hole in the wall but I had to say something to someone. You seemed like you wouldn't freak. A lot of people would and have. I'm sorry if I dumped on you. Frightening thing is that I don't think it has ever spilled out. I keep it too tightly controlled. I'm afraid to let go, of what might happen. I'm afraid I would hurt someone else. That I wouldn't be able to put myself back together. Of so many things... I wish I knew how to let go. It would be healing. It makes it worse to control it; a fearful, aggressive dog becomes more viscious when beaten and contrlled violently. Same thing here. There has to be a more gentle way to deal with this. Anyway I watched farscape on DVD and distracted myself with some fictional characters' problems for a couple of hours. I feel much better now. Thank you for listening.

I don't tend to freak much about other people's issues these days. My own issues, that's another story, but I can handle those fairly well myself with my intrepid clan.

I've got a few friends who don't let go easily. Basically, what you've got to do is make sure that you're going to be alone, and give yourself a week to recover, and then try it. It hurts like hell, and I recommend (what works for one of my friends) is R.E.M.'s Automatic for the People and a lot of chocolate covered espresso beans. And good books. ...or Farscape would work too.

Hang in there, in short. Sometimes it's possible to let go a little at a time, to let the pressure off, so when you finally do break down completely, it's a small letting off of steam, and not the entire explosion.

You're welcome. That's one thing I do do well, listen.

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not freaking