yeah, I know you don't know me from a hole in the wall but I had to say something to someone. You seemed like you wouldn't freak. A lot of people would and have. I'm sorry if I dumped on you. Frightening thing is that I don't think it has ever spilled out. I keep it too tightly controlled. I'm afraid to let go, of what might happen. I'm afraid I would hurt someone else. That I wouldn't be able to put myself back together. Of so many things... I wish I knew how to let go. It would be healing. It makes it worse to control it; a fearful, aggressive dog becomes more viscious when beaten and contrlled violently. Same thing here. There has to be a more gentle way to deal with this. Anyway I watched farscape on DVD and distracted myself with some fictional characters' problems for a couple of hours. I feel much better now. Thank you for listening.