(no subject)
I wish there was something I could do to help rather than just being here.
2002-08-27
Giggle, blush.
Checked out the journal of new friend before adding back; found a new way to glow in the dark. When Darkside catches me looking at photos that are perhaps not rated for school, I blush...
Selena Garret
Police detective, 5'7", blue hair, green eyes, medium bust. Wears dark grey slacks, white t-shirt, light grey windbreaker.
Darkside has the rest of her stats; he's evolving her. She's my character for the BESM horror campaign he has planned for Halloween.
It's silly when someone has to ask you what day he graduates, and what day Halloween is.
Character name comes from Darkside's little joke -- he was plotting on naming my character Loon Attic, or having a place called Loon Attic... Selena Garret is just a further evolution of the idea.
Darkside has the rest of her stats; he's evolving her. She's my character for the BESM horror campaign he has planned for Halloween.
It's silly when someone has to ask you what day he graduates, and what day Halloween is.
Character name comes from Darkside's little joke -- he was plotting on naming my character Loon Attic, or having a place called Loon Attic... Selena Garret is just a further evolution of the idea.
Cold
I'm still operating on a hug deficit. Darkside's been noticing the moments when I make a small noise and self-correct my hands away from him. I love Darkside, but... no. No. I can't. No touch.
He asks me if I'm all right.
I feel like I'm falling out of love. I've felt this way many times, and we can only see if this time it's going to hold and stay. I still care, of course; I still love him. But not, perhaps, in love.
Too much to say, but not enough words to fill with it. Overfilled. It's such a blank, dry, empty feeling, that too many words, and it'll be sloshing around inside with too much empty room, but still not all that lonliness drained away from me.
Perhaps I'm underhearing some of it. I wish I could do more, there.
He asks me if I'm all right.
I feel like I'm falling out of love. I've felt this way many times, and we can only see if this time it's going to hold and stay. I still care, of course; I still love him. But not, perhaps, in love.
Too much to say, but not enough words to fill with it. Overfilled. It's such a blank, dry, empty feeling, that too many words, and it'll be sloshing around inside with too much empty room, but still not all that lonliness drained away from me.
Perhaps I'm underhearing some of it. I wish I could do more, there.
Where to begin?
I've had my normal sort of day. At eight I left the computer lab and crashed on the couch-bench outside, and got an hour's nap before science class. We went over the material for the upcoming test tomorrow, and then went through the PowerPoint presentation. Said hello to Darkside before his class started. He did recognize the reference with "As you wish"; he'd gotten it the first time, but not dignified it with a response.
Checked the office for my long-missing zip disk. No soap. Bought a bus pass at the new low price ($8.50 rather than $34; they had been selling them for $17) from the bookstore. Neighbor decided that Darkside was Buttercup; I evidently show up as taller than Darkside to most people, even though he is in fact fractionally taller than I am. (He's 5'7"; I'm 5'6".) Part of it's the extra weight, and part of it's my general presence. Darkside wants to disappear, much of the time. I used to try to disappear. I don't, usually, anymore.
Walked Darkside to his mom's car. (His is still in the shop.) He elaborated further on his having caught on to the movie reference the first time, and there was discussion of ROUS; we determined that Shrimpy must have been one.
Speech class was interesting; Ashford talked about ethos, logos, and pathos. Ashford claims to have come into class with a heaping helping of ethos, but has lost quite a bit of it where most of the class is concerned. Database was routine: going through how to do queries.
Snagged lunch with the other class motormouth. We talked about spelling, the importance of. That's one of my criteria for boyfriends. Poor spelling and poor grammar are undesireable; those, combined with other personality flaws, are grounds for dumping.
Interestingly, I'm not set off by Darkside's spelling. Either it's not bad enough, or just something he does that I can work around. I wasn't really set off by Shawn's spelling -- it was horrible, but I could read it, and I could correct it.
English class is at three. After that, I pick up kidling from preschool, and boogie on home. Happily, my father decided to take care of my DeVry bill this month, so I have far more money for Assorted Stuff (such as household items, needed, and groceries) than I anticipated.
Checked the office for my long-missing zip disk. No soap. Bought a bus pass at the new low price ($8.50 rather than $34; they had been selling them for $17) from the bookstore. Neighbor decided that Darkside was Buttercup; I evidently show up as taller than Darkside to most people, even though he is in fact fractionally taller than I am. (He's 5'7"; I'm 5'6".) Part of it's the extra weight, and part of it's my general presence. Darkside wants to disappear, much of the time. I used to try to disappear. I don't, usually, anymore.
Walked Darkside to his mom's car. (His is still in the shop.) He elaborated further on his having caught on to the movie reference the first time, and there was discussion of ROUS; we determined that Shrimpy must have been one.
Speech class was interesting; Ashford talked about ethos, logos, and pathos. Ashford claims to have come into class with a heaping helping of ethos, but has lost quite a bit of it where most of the class is concerned. Database was routine: going through how to do queries.
Snagged lunch with the other class motormouth. We talked about spelling, the importance of. That's one of my criteria for boyfriends. Poor spelling and poor grammar are undesireable; those, combined with other personality flaws, are grounds for dumping.
Interestingly, I'm not set off by Darkside's spelling. Either it's not bad enough, or just something he does that I can work around. I wasn't really set off by Shawn's spelling -- it was horrible, but I could read it, and I could correct it.
English class is at three. After that, I pick up kidling from preschool, and boogie on home. Happily, my father decided to take care of my DeVry bill this month, so I have far more money for Assorted Stuff (such as household items, needed, and groceries) than I anticipated.
Hee.
Though I have yet to get very good details, it seems that a certain chick who has never met me is crushing on me from afar. Having never directly communicated with her, I can't say what's actually up...
Neighbor evidently knows the Rules of Gentlemanly Flirting, and was so kind as to fill me in that if a guy is being friendly, spending time with you, and doing a lot of smiling at you, that this could be considered flirting, especially if he is spending quite a bit of time and energy being friendly.
Neighbor evidently knows the Rules of Gentlemanly Flirting, and was so kind as to fill me in that if a guy is being friendly, spending time with you, and doing a lot of smiling at you, that this could be considered flirting, especially if he is spending quite a bit of time and energy being friendly.
English class.
Headed there as soon as I can motivate myself. My cool research paper proposal was rejected; I must find something other that Skywalker to write about. Evidently it's too much of a Lit paper to be doing in a tech school, or at least that's what I was able to discern from the blather of bull.
Home from School
English class was a bit of an anticlimax. Got my summary paper back. 87%. Respectable, but not up to my usual standards; I must be a bit off. Stopped by the little herb place between here and there; got some more oil, plus some protein drink supplement for the weightlifters in the family. I like the stuff myself, though "like" might be a bit of a strong word for the loathsome substance. It fulfils the needs of the inner ape, though, after working out, so it is classified among good things. Melatonin is recommended for good, deep sleep; picked up some free sample packets of that. Also got myself a little organizer box for pills. Putting all the vitamins and herbs that I should generally be taking into there a week in advance is a good idea; this will encourage me to be a little more punctual and regular about doing this.
Heavy
I am accustomed to weighing 310 pounds.
Part of that is me, of course. A suprising amount of it, however, is my backpack. I carry around the books for all my classes, and do a good bit of walking with the backpack on. I got a new backpack recently, and have discovered that when I'm wearing it, it feels like almost a part of me. When I walk around not wearing it, I feel light, able to propel myself further, with more grace.
I like my backpack. I like knowing how strong I am, to carry around the huge monster thing without trouble, and I like the freedom of being able to take off the backpack and fly.
Part of that is me, of course. A suprising amount of it, however, is my backpack. I carry around the books for all my classes, and do a good bit of walking with the backpack on. I got a new backpack recently, and have discovered that when I'm wearing it, it feels like almost a part of me. When I walk around not wearing it, I feel light, able to propel myself further, with more grace.
I like my backpack. I like knowing how strong I am, to carry around the huge monster thing without trouble, and I like the freedom of being able to take off the backpack and fly.
Home again, home again, jiggity-jig
Picked Nephew up from preschool. Dropped by Votania's work to say hello. Encounter with Stoner-Lady that all, fortunately, managed to survive; scared hell out of us, though.
On the bus on the way home, there was a yelly lady. She was talking about low IQ, sluts, and JEEESUS CHRIST! Sounded like a broken record. She was using an outside voice inside the bus.
When we got home, Nephew got a bath. He somehow manages to get so very dirty at school...
On the bus on the way home, there was a yelly lady. She was talking about low IQ, sluts, and JEEESUS CHRIST! Sounded like a broken record. She was using an outside voice inside the bus.
When we got home, Nephew got a bath. He somehow manages to get so very dirty at school...
Darkside is silly.
The running joke is that Darkside is going to pour soda down my cleavage. For the past few days I've been wearing high-necked shirts, and claiming he couldn't dump the soda down my cleavage this way... this morning he decided to demonstrate how he would...
Having Darkside yank the neck of my shirt out in that fashion is highly disconcerting, and very amusing.
Having Darkside yank the neck of my shirt out in that fashion is highly disconcerting, and very amusing.