Born-Again Virgins

[azurelunatic]

There is something that deeply disturbs me about the concept of "reclaiming virginity" for oneself.

It implies that the only reason to not have sex is because you have not had sex before. It implies that once you start having sex, it takes becoming a virgin again to stop it.

It denies the concept of sheer wilful "I'm not going to have sex because I don't want to"; it really denies you a choice in the matter. Born-again virginity is the fallacious reclaiming of a state that should not have been a valid reason to avoid sex in the first place. "I'm not going to have sex because I'm a virgin, really I am," is a cop-out, to my view. How about some "I am not going to have sex because I have chosen not to?"

Just because I have had sex before, it does not mean that I am "easy". Those that I have loved before have generally had to work pretty hard to get some. That is to say, they had to be friendly, interesting, polite, people. They had to behave in such a way that I chose to want to have sex with them. They did not maneuver me into getting some. They did not intimidate me. For the most part, I did not have sex with them because it was expected of me. I had sex when they and I both wanted to. It will take more than hauling out cheap lines to use on me to get some action.

I like sex. I like sex a lot. As I've gotten more experience, my standards have gone up, not down. I am not fond of sex outside the bonds of a relationship, anymore, though I could conceivably change my mind under the correct circumstances. I'd prefer a relationship, though, no matter how tortuous [twisty, not painful] and unconventional. My standards are legend. Do you know Tolkien backwards and forwards? Are you capable of passing a cunnilingus proficiency test? If not, are you willing to train towards one? Are you jealous of my vibrator and dildo collection? If you are, can you truly replace it? Are you going to dislike my best friend? Are you polyamorous enough to accept that he is my Primary, though he and I have never slept together, and you are not? How well can you program? Write? Play an instrument? Paint? Draw? Put together a LAN? Do you like Piers Anthony? If so, are you willing to renounce him and all his works? Are your religion and mine compatible? Do you practice magic? ...and, most importantly, Do I like you? Do I want you?


It comes down to the power of my choice to have sex, or not have sex, in any given situation. I don't wish to give that power over to my virginity, whether original or re-assumed. It is my choice not to have sex with you, or to have sex. Not the ticking of my biological clock, not my virginity or lack thereof. It comes down to me and you.

Comments

[zonereyrie.livejournal.com]

No, yes, sure, no, M/A, probably not, I think so, fairly well, well enough, I can't, not well at all, I can draft well, very well, no, N/A, I think so, no, I don't know, I don't know

I was on a role with that interview meme, I couldn't resist. ;-)

[azurelunatic]

Heh.

The not-practicing-magic part is generally one of the things that causes trouble for longer-term relationships.

[elance.livejournal.com]

*grins*

Upside down, backwards, forwards, and inside out.

I dunno, talk to iroshi. If not, I'd be more than happy to train. ;)

No, I'm intrigued...

Would never mind you having a Primary, or him for a Primary, since I have one of my own. (And secondaries...)

Suck at programming, write *very* well, as you know, can't play an instrument, can't paint or draw away from a computer, know what "LAN" means, but can't do anything with them, don't care for Piers Anthony.

They are.

Yes.

And the last two are your call. *grin* Twisted unconventionality is so my bag, baby. ;)

[/flirt]

Okay, so this was mostly just in fun, but yeah, you and I are /quite/ suitable, methinks. *smile*

[azurelunatic]

*giggle*

What is it about potential Secondaries crawling out of the walls right now?

[godai.livejournal.com]

Hey Kilo-byte and the Mode series are great books.

As wells as the Adept and the immortals series.

I will renounce Xanth as it has gotten out of hand.

[azurelunatic]

Anthony lays on his symbolism & so forth with a trowel, not a paintbrush. Not even a really *wide* paintbrush.

Some of his older stuff is all right, like the Incarnations of Immortality (those that I did read), but everything after the 90's has sucked increasingly.

[azurelunatic]

I disliked Kill-O-Byte, and the Mode series was one that I gave up after the first book.

I say that his writing sucks as a craftswoman, not a layman. Though it is calculated to appeal to boys. (Sorry.)

[hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's just a ritual for them. Somewhere along the lines of getting a marriage license/ceremony. There's something inherently satisfying for some people in being able to claim that something's "official," even if it's not objectively necessary.

[azurelunatic]

Perhaps. The rant's aimed more at those who are using it as a crutch to avoid any actual decision-making on their part, though.

[wibbble]

Perhaps they just want to catch unicorns again...

[azurelunatic]

Perhaps...

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

having lost my virginity unwillingly at around age 5, the whole virgin thing didn't mean shit to me and never will. Like you, it's choice to do or not to do, and while I'm going through the damn flashbacks and working shit out in therapy right now it's pretty much more a case of hell no than it is not. Someone will have to KILL me before I will ever be raped again, because I sure as fuck will kill them, I hunted down a professional merc and had him teach me every nasty fighting move to instantly maim or kill an opponent that I'm physically capable of doing. As he said, in all actually even small children can inflict incredible damage, it's just a matter that "good" people hesitate, while your attacker will not. I have no more qualms when it comes down to someone attacking me. They are going to lose eyes, ears, esophogus, balls, anything and everything I can reach.

[azurelunatic]

Good for you.

[kokuten.livejournal.com]

>My standards are legend.
>Do you know Tolkien backwards and forwards?
mu.

>Are you capable of passing a cunnilingus proficiency test?
possibly. depends on the cunnilig in question.

>If not, are you willing to train towards one?
possibly. depends on the cunnilig in question.

>Are you jealous of my vibrator and dildo collection?
no.

>If you are, can you truly replace it?
NA

>Are you going to dislike my best friend?
possibly, depends on the friend in question.

>Are you polyamorous enough to accept that he is my Primary, though he and I have never slept together, and you are not?
yes. So long as you don't lie about what _i_ am. (and so far you don't seem like you'd be)

>How well can you program?
conceptually, I'm bloody wonderful. I don't code.

Write?
I can get my point across.

Play an instrument? Paint? Draw?
nope, nope, nope. Art is not merely in those three categories.. I'm attempting to achieve art through car restoration at the moment, and I practice art in computer design.

Put together a LAN?
I breathe cat 5

>Do you like Piers Anthony?
enh.

>If so, are you willing to renounce him and all his works?
not a chance in hell. My views are just as important as yours.

>Are your religion and mine compatible?
yes. So long as your religion doesn't require my attendance or conversion.

>Do you practice magic?
No. I pray occasionally.

> ...and, most importantly, Do I like you? Do I want you?
dunno.. wanna find out?



I should apologize for this comment, as I've never properly introduced myself. I found your journal whilst surfing one of my friend's friends' list, and have been an on-again-off-again reader for quite a while.
Just couldn't resist posting a comment to that, it seemed too much like a survey : )


cheers!

[azurelunatic]

Hello; nice to meet you.

I've found that I don't get on very well with people who are absolute devotees of Piers Anthony.

There are many forms of art; I hardly was planning to list more than a sampling.

Do feel free to stick around and comment more if you wish! :)