Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-06-11 01:37 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-06-11 01:37 pm
Born-Again Virgins
There is something that deeply disturbs me about the concept of "reclaiming virginity" for oneself.
It implies that the only reason to not have sex is because you have not had sex before. It implies that once you start having sex, it takes becoming a virgin again to stop it.
It denies the concept of sheer wilful "I'm not going to have sex because I don't want to"; it really denies you a choice in the matter. Born-again virginity is the fallacious reclaiming of a state that should not have been a valid reason to avoid sex in the first place. "I'm not going to have sex because I'm a virgin, really I am," is a cop-out, to my view. How about some "I am not going to have sex because I have chosen not to?"
Just because I have had sex before, it does not mean that I am "easy". Those that I have loved before have generally had to work pretty hard to get some. That is to say, they had to be friendly, interesting, polite, people. They had to behave in such a way that I chose to want to have sex with them. They did not maneuver me into getting some. They did not intimidate me. For the most part, I did not have sex with them because it was expected of me. I had sex when they and I both wanted to. It will take more than hauling out cheap lines to use on me to get some action.
I like sex. I like sex a lot. As I've gotten more experience, my standards have gone up, not down. I am not fond of sex outside the bonds of a relationship, anymore, though I could conceivably change my mind under the correct circumstances. I'd prefer a relationship, though, no matter how tortuous [twisty, not painful] and unconventional. My standards are legend. Do you know Tolkien backwards and forwards? Are you capable of passing a cunnilingus proficiency test? If not, are you willing to train towards one? Are you jealous of my vibrator and dildo collection? If you are, can you truly replace it? Are you going to dislike my best friend? Are you polyamorous enough to accept that he is my Primary, though he and I have never slept together, and you are not? How well can you program? Write? Play an instrument? Paint? Draw? Put together a LAN? Do you like Piers Anthony? If so, are you willing to renounce him and all his works? Are your religion and mine compatible? Do you practice magic? ...and, most importantly, Do I like you? Do I want you?
It comes down to the power of my choice to have sex, or not have sex, in any given situation. I don't wish to give that power over to my virginity, whether original or re-assumed. It is my choice not to have sex with you, or to have sex. Not the ticking of my biological clock, not my virginity or lack thereof. It comes down to me and you.
It implies that the only reason to not have sex is because you have not had sex before. It implies that once you start having sex, it takes becoming a virgin again to stop it.
It denies the concept of sheer wilful "I'm not going to have sex because I don't want to"; it really denies you a choice in the matter. Born-again virginity is the fallacious reclaiming of a state that should not have been a valid reason to avoid sex in the first place. "I'm not going to have sex because I'm a virgin, really I am," is a cop-out, to my view. How about some "I am not going to have sex because I have chosen not to?"
Just because I have had sex before, it does not mean that I am "easy". Those that I have loved before have generally had to work pretty hard to get some. That is to say, they had to be friendly, interesting, polite, people. They had to behave in such a way that I chose to want to have sex with them. They did not maneuver me into getting some. They did not intimidate me. For the most part, I did not have sex with them because it was expected of me. I had sex when they and I both wanted to. It will take more than hauling out cheap lines to use on me to get some action.
I like sex. I like sex a lot. As I've gotten more experience, my standards have gone up, not down. I am not fond of sex outside the bonds of a relationship, anymore, though I could conceivably change my mind under the correct circumstances. I'd prefer a relationship, though, no matter how tortuous [twisty, not painful] and unconventional. My standards are legend. Do you know Tolkien backwards and forwards? Are you capable of passing a cunnilingus proficiency test? If not, are you willing to train towards one? Are you jealous of my vibrator and dildo collection? If you are, can you truly replace it? Are you going to dislike my best friend? Are you polyamorous enough to accept that he is my Primary, though he and I have never slept together, and you are not? How well can you program? Write? Play an instrument? Paint? Draw? Put together a LAN? Do you like Piers Anthony? If so, are you willing to renounce him and all his works? Are your religion and mine compatible? Do you practice magic? ...and, most importantly, Do I like you? Do I want you?
It comes down to the power of my choice to have sex, or not have sex, in any given situation. I don't wish to give that power over to my virginity, whether original or re-assumed. It is my choice not to have sex with you, or to have sex. Not the ticking of my biological clock, not my virginity or lack thereof. It comes down to me and you.
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