Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-06-22 03:50 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-06-22 03:50 pm
Entry tags:
Second chances, multiples
It seems that two of me, Marah and N%, are not-quite freeze-frames of me at different ages. Not the original personality, but composites, as I would have been at those ages.
Of course, we all benefit from the shared experience and the new skills.
But she is sixteen, and she is seven.
We have the chance to raise ourselves again, to nurture us properly, to bring those fragments into maturity. How it would have been without asshole children putting me at the bottom of the pecking order. How it would have been without Shawn.
Marah was so bright, so eager, so happy yesterday. I'd never seen her like that before. She wants to do well. She's as eager/reluctant to grow up as any teenager. I let her out and went to sleep, so she didn't have me hanging over her shoulder, didn't just get let out when she burst out with uncontainable emotion. Realized in the car that when I got all moody and irrational when I got too tired, it might not just be how it was; it might be someone else. So I let her out, and was rewarded with results beyond hope.
Of course, we all benefit from the shared experience and the new skills.
But she is sixteen, and she is seven.
We have the chance to raise ourselves again, to nurture us properly, to bring those fragments into maturity. How it would have been without asshole children putting me at the bottom of the pecking order. How it would have been without Shawn.
Marah was so bright, so eager, so happy yesterday. I'd never seen her like that before. She wants to do well. She's as eager/reluctant to grow up as any teenager. I let her out and went to sleep, so she didn't have me hanging over her shoulder, didn't just get let out when she burst out with uncontainable emotion. Realized in the car that when I got all moody and irrational when I got too tired, it might not just be how it was; it might be someone else. So I let her out, and was rewarded with results beyond hope.