Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
azurelunatic: Azz and best friend grabbing each other's noses.  (best friends forever)
A ten-hour shift today. And on the walk home I called a certain best friend of mine. Geeking over the database, general geeking, and me having a few words to say about work...

It's one of those things. The electricity's starting to trickle back in. We need regular, steady contact. This time it was around 35 minutes.

His mother -- his mother -- sees him in a state of perpetual grouch. And as much as I describe him as being a perpetual grouch -- he's not a perpetual grouch to me.

It's so very nice to have someone there for Naomi, someone we all trust. I think that's a large part of how it's working so well now. I inherit from Shanna and Joan-prime. Marah has divided -- it's Naomi(Marah) and Dagger(Marah) now, and Joan-at-work built on a steady base of Marah, Marah, and more Marah.

I have a bizarre vision of a future, where -- this is the sort of thing that gets you tagged as crazy, but if it does work out, and Darkside does come to realize how very much he does care for the lot of us -- he matches very well with Naomi. We've known for a while that Naomi is heir to us all, and the way we do things, it's not a fading-out, it's a melting-into. There are divisions. There are always new divisions. And we're Loonie more than Azz on the inside anyway.

I can get away with talking about the Collective to him in certain ways by saying "my inner geek" instead of "Naomi". He was made dreadfully skittish, once upon a time, and we don't wish to do that to him again. There's really no public perception of the multiple as benign. It's always a Crazy Reality Show House With Psychoes In!! rather than my quiet reality of a quartet of kind of wacky roommates with the same kind of roommate issues you always get when it's four girls together and who the hell was supposed to do laundry and wasn't that my attitude and you're wearing it today and weren't we going to vote on what color the carpets were supposed to be because who the hell got PINK?! There's a lot of giggling. There's always a lot of giggling. It's sort of like college dorms, except with less backstabbing and more RA.

He evades getting introduced to everybody formally, because names make him skittish, and make him feel like there are strangers he hasn't met, but one way or another, he's met everybody. It doesn't matter who's out usually, but we've noticed that he's a little nervous with Marah-who-was, stiff and formal like Dagger, by turns tired and excited and annoyed with me-Azz and Joan-at-work ... but oh, he opens up for Naomi.

So. For him. As we've done before. Except this time, to the observer, there probably won't be much change. Inside, it feels like a white rose bursting into bloom.
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
It seems that two of me, Marah and N%, are not-quite freeze-frames of me at different ages. Not the original personality, but composites, as I would have been at those ages.

Of course, we all benefit from the shared experience and the new skills.

But she is sixteen, and she is seven.

We have the chance to raise ourselves again, to nurture us properly, to bring those fragments into maturity. How it would have been without asshole children putting me at the bottom of the pecking order. How it would have been without Shawn.

Marah was so bright, so eager, so happy yesterday. I'd never seen her like that before. She wants to do well. She's as eager/reluctant to grow up as any teenager. I let her out and went to sleep, so she didn't have me hanging over her shoulder, didn't just get let out when she burst out with uncontainable emotion. Realized in the car that when I got all moody and irrational when I got too tired, it might not just be how it was; it might be someone else. So I let her out, and was rewarded with results beyond hope.

Profile

azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺

June 2025

S M T W T F S
12 3 456 7
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930     

Most Popular Tags

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Style Credit

Page generated Jun. 9th, 2025 08:35 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios