BDSM, normality: A better forum than a chat log (public on purpose)

[azurelunatic]

A chat log accidentally posted publicly rather than privately started a very short discussion on BDSM, and the 'what is "normal", anyway?' worries associated therewith sometimes.

*Note*: The BDSM mentioned in this journal follows the rules "Safe, Sane, and Consensual."


I happen to like a little spice of BDSM, but in general, I'm fairly vanilla. Vanilla with a strong hint of cinnamon, perhaps? But still, I'm identifiably vanilla, even though a pure vanilla would see me as being very cinnamonny. I like sex for sex, because I like sex, and sex is fun and good.

But then there are those who like BDSM for BDSM, because it is good and what is liked. Sex could be taken or left, depending on context.

Not good or bad, just not mainstream. And it's hard to reconcile when you have someone who is vanilla with a hint of cinnamon trying to have a relationship with someone who prefers cinnamon, and can take or leave the vanilla, especially while the vanilla prefers vanilla herself...

How does the person who likes the BDSM find someone who's interested in BDSM, but not sex? How does the love for BDSM to the exclusion of other things, where the other things are not missed, get reconciled against the ingrained value that "Liking sex is good"?

Comments

[technocracygirl.livejournal.com]

I don't know how to answer your last question, but I love your metaphor. I've taken to calling myself fudge ripple, because for the most part I'm very vanilla, but I've got a streak of chocolate through me as well. But the cinammon idea is good too.

[azurelunatic]

Thanks. I was up waayy too late.

[sithjawa.livejournal.com]

mmm, spicy...

[azurelunatic]

Silly.

[wibbble]

BDSM-without-actual-sex is... useful.

I mean, technically, I'm a virgin, but that doesn't stop the BDSM play.

[azurelunatic]

I'm becoming more cautious about the idea of virginity now.

[wibbble]

More cautious?

I don't understand...

[azurelunatic]

When I was a virgin, and quite a bit after, I did not really consider it a big deal.

My viewpoint's been changing, somewhat, now that I'm getting very serious about Darkside.

[wibbble]

Aaah.

I'm not really a virgin through choice. I mean, I didn't decide to make some moral point, and not get laid until I was 23...

[azurelunatic]

Life happens.

(Yep, I'm missing him right now and am therefore a little gloomy).

[wibbble]

*hugs*

[azurelunatic]

Thanks.

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

How does the person who likes the BDSM find someone who's interested in BDSM, but not sex?

Well, there are clubs and groups for BDSM people. The dungeon here in Dallas is pretty nice. The URL is http://www.sanctuarydallas.com, if you want to check it out.

[azurelunatic]

Thanks. I gave the link where it was needed.