I wrote this back a few years, but stumbled across it recently. It doesn't include many details of the mechanics of what we were negotiating, but there are some vague mentions of putting sheets over unnamed club equipment (standard practice for any playspace furniture that might get sweated on). I have a kink filter, but this is a public entry.

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The other night at the club, someone and I wound up doing something that turned into an emotionally intense scene. The scene itself was sufficiently personal that I wouldn't presume to ask the other party about me sharing the details. What jumped out at me was the negotiation sequence.

The other party and I have played together enough to be comfortable. So it went kind of like this:

( A conversation in the cozy atmosphere of the club. )

This wasn't really what I tend to think of, when I think about negotiation. I tend to think that it's starting from a less intimately connected place. I tend to think that it's a little more formal. I tend to think that it's not necessarily conducted in the hour before it actually happens. I tend to think that it's not actually inside the club. I tend to think that there's a little more physical and emotional distance.

But this counts as negotiation too.

A brief reminder, for people who inhabit the intersection of disability, kink, and having play partners: INFORMATION IS GOOD. Disclosures are sometimes necessary.

You needn't necessarily spill the whole list of Things What Mustn't be Done and Conditions, depending on the depth (or lack thereof) in the relationship, but a simple "I have some health issues; I know my limits and I'll let you know about them if I suspect they are going to come up or if something happens; in case of emergency, I have a card with information in my bag/pants pocket/with the person at the other end of that leash" is unlikely to be out of order. 99 times out of 100, 999 times out of 1000, that card may not be necessary. That 100th or 1000th time, depending on the situation, it could save your life by giving someone the right knowledge to assist you properly, or at least keep them from panicking and seeing that you get proper care.


In other generally related news, with the help of IRC I thought of a niche service that may well be going unfilled: housecall dominants for people with disabilities. Disability may be affecting a person's ability to go out and look for an appropriate partner, if they are not lucky enough to have one at home; people with disabilities need appropriate-to-them caring-for too. A dominant service that specializes in creative work to avoid causing assorted forms of failure and badness, and with side education in medical care to back that up (not only would the dom know kink, but know how a given disability is likely to affect a person straight out of the box, and how to learn each person's situation's quirks quickly), might actually be a really good thing for someone. (And why should homebound submissives and switches be the ones to get all the fun from this service? Why should not a homebound dominant have the enjoyment of ordering around a submissive who is also trained in personal care?) And apparently some correctly applied play is good for some sorts of chronic pain.

It's vaporware, but since it could be useful, I'm sending it off into the aether where it might actually be picked up by someone who could do something with it, make it happen, provide a useful service to people who could really use a little more fun. ;)

[Late addition @ 6:49pm: sailorjim is in search of a reporter or reporters to take a crack at a story. If someone came back from Iraq with all sorts of evidence pointing to fraud, graft, and corruption, wouldn't you be excited too?]

Politics: For those who haven't seen it: Jon Stewart's morning-after report on the Vice Presidential Hunting Trip. Nice parallels drawn there. As Clinton's philandering served as a point of commentary for his way of doing whatever the hell he wanted no matter what his political opponents thought of it, this serves as a small and stupid point of commentary on the current way of taking a position, sticking to it, even when it becomes completely ridiculous to do so.

The fact that the lawyer in question is now doing much more poorly and it still seems to be taken lightly by the VP is as close to a direct media parallel of the action in Iraq as I think we're going to get.

I don't think the current administration is adaptable.


Sex & Relationships: Apropos of the recent arrest of a man who kidnapped his wife over taking their children to the wrong church, and the subsequent digging up of a copy of a "relationship contract" he tried to pressure her to sign, some helpful distinctions for the layman or law enforcement personnel on distinguishing BDSM from abuse.

Consent, especially informed consent, is the backbone of safe/sane/consensual kinky sex. Granted there may be RP of non-consensual situations, and some of the consent may be implied rather than explicit, but it's still consensual.


Funny moments from the renfest:
Fully bald knight type in long black leather armor with silver studs. Just needs helmet & horse. And he's ... on his cellphone.

Some random guy walks up. "Let's have a staff meeting!" he says.
I place my staff by his.
"That was a good meeting," says he, about 10 seconds later. "Very productive."
We walk our separate directions.

A chat log accidentally posted publicly rather than privately started a very short discussion on BDSM, and the 'what is "normal", anyway?' worries associated therewith sometimes.

*Note*: The BDSM mentioned in this journal follows the rules "Safe, Sane, and Consensual."


( Nothing heavy, but those who don't care to read can skip )