One-Man Bald Nudity Crusade, Explained

[azurelunatic]

This is the sort of story that could get dull and tedious if told in the fully-illustrated form. So I'll pare it down some.

In training room:
Trader Joe's Queen Monitor: *prepares for training class* "Hi, people, and welcome to the wonderful world of Being A Phone Goon at Hell, Inc., recently merged with other subsidiaries of Underworld Ltd. Isn't it a wonderful lovely day? And, you. In the hat. You're going to need to take it off at work. Welcome to our dress code, by the way. Here, everybody, have a copy."
One-Man Bald Nudity Crusade: "DISCRIMINATION!! You're DISCRIMINATING AGAINST ME!"
Trader Joe's Queen Monitor: "Eep. Um. Check with the office because they do allow for religion and --"
OMBNC: "I'm BALD! You can't make me take off my HAT! You're DISCRIMINATING AGAINST BALD PEOPLE!"
Trader Joe's Queen Monitor: "... wtf."
OMBNC: "YOU HATE BALD PEOPLE! DISCRIMINATION! OMGZWTF!!"
Trader Joe's Queen Monitor: "I'll have you know my husband's bald, and when he worked here he wasn't allowed to wear a hat either. STFU and take a copy of the dress code."
OMBNC: *sulks*

On phone floor:
OMBNC: *exits training class* *is still wearing hat*
Quiet Geek Super: "Ah, I see you're new here. Please note that once you actually start work and stop with the training class, you're going to have to lose the hat while on the phone."
OMBNC: "HARASSMENT!"
Quiet Geek Super: "...wtf?"
OMBNC: "I'm BALD!" *demonstrates* *is very bald indeed*
Quiet Geek Super: "I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm telling you about the dress code so you'll know about it and not get an official warning, since you seem to be merrily oblivious to it. What planet did you come from?"
OMBNC: (to Stressy College Chick Shift Ops Supervisor) "They're harassing me! This is DISCRIMINATION!"
Stressy College Chick: "Why don't you kill the caps lock and tell me what the problem is."
OMBNC: "The lady in the training class! Told me I couldn't wear my hat! And then this guy! Told me I couldn't wear my hat! This is harassment!"
Stressy College Chick: "That's what the dress code says. If you have a problem with that you need to see the office. I know the one guy who's Muslim --"
OMBNC: "WHERE'S THE LOVE FOR BALD PEOPLE?!" *stomps off, muttering* "IF IT WAS UP TO ME THERE WOULDN'T BE A DRESS CODE. WE COULD COME TO WORK NAKED IF WE WANTED TO." *puts on hat* *exits phone floor*
Stressy College Chick: *boggle*
Quiet Geek Super: "...wtf."
Me: "No one would even think twice about him being bald if he didn't throw a fit about it."
All in bullpen: "No shit."
Trader Joe's Queen Monitor: *enters* "OMGWTF CRAZY TRAINEE."
All in bullpen: "We know."
Trader Joe's Queen Monitor: "I see you've met him, then."


On the phones, later:
OMBNC: "Helllllp!"
Rev. Not-So Nice Super: "What seems to be the problem here?"
OMBNC: "The computer! It's crazy! It's not letting me log out?"
Rev. Not-So-Nice Super: "Are you pushing 1 like you're supposed to?"
OMBNC: "YES! It's not letting me!"
Rev. Not-So-Nice Super: "Like this?" *pushes 1*
Computer: *responds as programmed*
OMBNC: "Oh, so it works for you."
Rev. Not-So-Nice Super: "Dude. Off the bad drugs."
OMBNC: "It's a CONSPIRACY!"
Rev. Not-So-Nice Super: <sarcasm> Oh, yes, the programmers have made it so every time you touch the computer it doesn't work. </sarcasm>
OMBNC: "I KNEW it!!"
Rev. Not-So-Nice Super: "You're crazy, son. ...And you're really, really bald."

Comments

[darqstar.livejournal.com]

Wow, oversensitive much?

Only thing I could see with the whole hat thing was if being bald, his head gets unusually cold. But if that's the case you tell people, you don't just bitch.

If it bothers him that much, he really needs to try rogain.

[azurelunatic]

Yeah. There was a medical exception for this one dude who was totally hairless, as well as the odd religious exception.

[azurelunatic]

I read this for freshstartwrite. I think I strained my voice bellowing the One-Man Bald Nudity Crusade's parts.