news: "It's nearly Valentine's Day. Since this is LJHS, we're selling flowers and candy to be delivered to your friends for a fund-raiser. Except... they're VIRTUAL!"

Popular Users: "Oh, how cute!"
Less Popular Users: "OMG LAME. How's about some real features, like, you know, editing comments or userpics over 40k? Or even tracking down all the goddamn bugs from the last update or five?"
LJ Support: "Don't look at us!

brad said it was quick & dirty & corny already!"

Paranoid Users: "You mean anyone can pay $0.99 and put some crappy graphic and text of THEIR CHOICE on my userinfo? I call shenanigans!"
LJ Support: "Here, it's the new FAQ! Don't worry, if some meanie does that, you can zap it. And it just shows up as a clickie-picture directly under your username, so it's not like somebody's going to be blasting GNAA propaganda across your userinfo. Chill."
Paranoid Users: "How's about a pre-emptive opt-out?"
LJ Support: "Have you met my good friend

suggestions? (That's a no for right now, but see if

brad is feeling benevolent today, and maybe he'll get someone to code it. Even though he should have seen it coming with the "nudge" fiasco.)"
Paranoid Users: "Hmpfh."

Broke Users: "But... it's not free?"
LJ: "Sure isn't."
Geeks: "News flash -- it's called Photoshop, an image host, and comments. Do it yourself. Sure, it won't show up in the userinfo, but it lasts longer! Or, OMG, if you don't have Photoshop, you can just steal the Official LJ Graphics. Isn't there some sort of IQ test before people are allowed to play with the internets? Oy vey."
Broke Cynical Users: "Yet another way LJ has thought up to SCAM US OUT OF OUR MONEY!"
LJ Support: "Exactly which part of 'LJ is a business' have you failed to understand this week? And. Um. $0.99 a silly graphic? If you were going with a commercial greeting card through the mail, you'd be paying more than that for about the same effect."
Cynical Users: "OMG attention whores. All of you."

Permanent Users: "So, this thing about 10 gifts in two weeks = two months paid time? Um... how does this help a permanent user again?"
LJ Support: "Meet my friend /tools/xfer_remaining.bml! I'm sure the two of you are going to be best buddies."
Permanent Users: *eyeroll*

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

*gigglesnort*

Isn't there some sort of IQ test before people are allowed to play with the internets? Oy vey.

No there isn't, other than *how do I switch this thing on?* Unfortunately getting it wrong isn't an auto-Darwin yet.

Yet.

Give us geeks time.

People would amaze me with their capacity to find *something* to bitch about if I wasn't already numbed by three decades of watching it happen.

Yay to you, though, for making something amusing from it all to help keep my eyes from rolling out of my head at the bitching popping up all around me.

Unless your water cooling has gone dreadfully wrong.

I figure it's my civic duty to read the comments on things like that so the part of LJ who doesn't care to be exposed to all that stuff spread across 9 pages of comments doesn't have to.

Heh. I'm getting so fed up with people bitching about livejournal that it helps to have your dialogues running through my head when I run across even more of it.

If I tried to read those comments, *something* would have to explode before it was all over with.

So far, the only seriously deleted comment in there was the one that was in

Great huge font

, bright red, and blinking, saying approximately the lines attributed to "Geeks". Except a little more sharply.

But I don't recommend going in there.

I was just going to put up a "Hi, here's the /tools/xfer_remaining.bml link" for my Permanent User friends doing the pre-emptive "don't want it, don't need it" posts, but then the Muse said, "Well, you did it last time..." and there I went.

Aha, found the water cooling/idiot/pseudo-Darwin humor bit I was thinking of. It's a put-on, but it's a damn good one.

Sweeeet.

I really have to re-read the whole thread now that I've found it again.

I really needed a laugh today, good thing I decided to check my friends page before logging off. Hahaha!

*grin* I realized that I'd utterly neglected to share the viewpoint of the cynical, so I had to go back and edit them in.

As a Perm user - every time they say "you will get XXX months free!" all I can think is... that's like getting 30 years on top of my life sentence... your point is???

Ah well... shiny object!!

There's really not much you can add to a permanent account. *grin* One of the best $100 I ever spent.

*looks at your edit add-ins*
*looks at my post about this*

Since I am not lj support, I think this just makes me "cynical lj user with a metric fuckton of business sense."

Something like that, yeah. Or even Sensible LJ User.

I think I officially moved into at *least* "cynical", with the exchanges of the last hour, though it may actually be temporary and may pass as soon as I stop spitting nails.

Thank you. I take that as quite a compliment.

*goes*
*looks*
*winces*

...That can't be good for your teeth.

Bwahahahaha! Yes the cat is wearing my egg roll again! LOL

Poor cat.

It's a classic. I spent some quality time reading that with the bondmate when it first made the rounds.

http://www.datadocktorn.nu/us_frag1.php is another classic.

Um... do you think LJ would be willing to come up with a feature where you could pay to have a "stupidity shocker" attatched to someone's journal... wherein any time (when logged in) they do something just utterly asinine, a jolt of electricity shoots out at them? Barring the actual jolt, at least a modified version of the BSoD popping up for ten minutes or so, with a Stupidity Error?

I might give up smokes to buy a few extra rounds of that for a few people. ;)

*goes for a long lie down in a darkened room*

I suppose that would be a computer Darwination - one step nearer Sept 30th.

ID-TEN-T ERROR

An error ID-10-T has occurred at %79%6f%75%72%20%6d%6f%6d%6d%61 in %4f%4d%47%20%4f%4d%47%20%57%54%46. It is not possible to continue normally.

* Press any key to attempt to regain a few brain cells.
* Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to restart your computer. If you don't know what this does by now, you've really had it.

Press any key to continue, or any other key to cancel.

http://centricle.com/tools/ascii-hex/

hee!

Now *there* would be a useful feature. I'm tellin' ya.

It's been a very long September. (Which reminds me, I need to complete the Poe thing I was working on.)

As I chatted, nearly singing, suddenly there came a ringing,
As of someone gently pinging, pinging at my fir'wall's ports.
Distinctly I remember, it was in that long September
That eternal, bleak September when morons flocked like flies on Usenet's friendly boards

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dw_news: "a flower for you / for eating your tasty pants / current mood: hungry"

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