"I swear, your friends are biased! It's a setup, I tell you, a setup!" --Darkside
I tease him in person. Somehow, he's gotten the idea that I make fun of him in here, somewhere under that long blond hair. ::sneaks a look over at the busy Darkside:: Either that or he's teasing me by saying he thinks I make fun of him in my journal...
...Is it my fault that he never reads my journal for himself?
b) playing mindgames. He's known for playing the amusing variety.
My in-person behavior is quite a bit sillier and rougher than my online behavior, mostly because he only accepts "sweet" as a return type from me when I'm really upset about something.
Nope. Make him read it for himself, if he thinks he's being teased. Of course then he'll claim you've hidden them in friends-only posts, not that you actually use that feature much...all the more incentive for him to get his OWN LJ so you can mark him as friend and he can see all this stuff. ^_^
Pretty sure it was his idea of a joke. Sometimes it's hard to tell. In fact, a lot of times it's hard to tell. Getting better at seeing through the glass mask, though...
Given him the URL a time or three. Think he's more worried about seeing lovey-dovey examples of my devotion to him that he'd have to smack me down about. Either that or the inside of my mind really scares him... probably a little bit of both, plus laziness.
Given him the URL a time or three. Think he's more worried about seeing lovey-dovey examples of my devotion to him that he'd have to smack me down about.
You know what I think? I think that as long as you're not asking anything of him that he's not willing to give, that he shouldn't fash himself over what your feelings are. You. Love. Him. Fine. So? He doesn't love you back, not romantically anyway (though he clearly loves you as a friend, at the very least; almost every action speaks it.) If you're not traumatized by this, then he should quit fussing 'bout it and just get back to being friends. And deal with the fact that you love him.
There's no reason you should have to stop loving him just because it's not reciprocated. Not if you don't have a problem with that. Specific *behaviours* he has the right to request you not do. Your heart is not his domain.
Trouble is, though I'm trying to be okay with the fact that he doesn't love me romantically and never will, there are always the bits of me that are very much not okay with this. These are the bits that help plan the uprisings of lyrical free verse in his honor, the parts of me that thrill at the touch of his hand ... the parts that he stands in defense of when I try to squash them, because doing that is highly hazardous to my mental health, and he won't stand for my damaging myself in any way, not if he can help it.
I try to avoid telling him I love him too much. It wounds him, and serves no useful purpose but the verbal expression of what I tell him by action and empathy every day anyway. Unlike Shawn, he hasn't forbidden it; he tries more subtle attempts (again, the glass mask) to discourage me in getting too attached, too close, thinking of him too romantically. The latest is comparing me to a puppy. I'm certain he knows how much I dislike dogs, in general... He'd never, ever, ever call me a bitch (well, he would under certain circumstances of joking, the rules for which are well-defined)... the distinctions, with us, are exceptionally subtle to the outside observer.
He has chosen to care for my health and sanity. ...Would that I had the power to share with his wounded heart some of the healing that his company's given to me...
actually, I've been using the friends-only function a lot more these days. It's mostly to effect a TMI lock on some subjects... some of the friends locks are there to protect certain privacies: if there's a Real Name used, I automatically put it on friends lock...
Sometimes, if it's something I don't mind people knowing, if they care to look, but don't particularly want the whole world to know immediately, I friends-lock when posted, then go back and change status later.
He knows he's being teased, IRL. I often write up the exchanges we have, mostly for my own failing memory. (He knows about this: he's usually the one to detect when my memory's blanked a conversation we have. Illianesque, I've repeated: this was perhaps Tuesday.) I don't take jabs at the defenceless; if he's not reading it in here, it's a forum he can't defend himself in.
I talk shit about Shawn and BJ all the time, though. I suppose that's the difference between respect and lack thereof. Darkside, I respect.
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More seriously, though, I haven't noticed that you *ever* make fun of Darkside...did I miss something?
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I tease him in person. Somehow, he's gotten the idea that I make fun of him in here, somewhere under that long blond hair. ::sneaks a look over at the busy Darkside:: Either that or he's teasing me by saying he thinks I make fun of him in my journal...
...Is it my fault that he never reads my journal for himself?
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Secondly, you don't make fun of him. Not in a mean way, in any event. Occasionally, you'll make affectionate jokes, but that's not the same thing.
You -do- talk about him a lot. But it's not in a mean way.
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a) paranoid
b) playing mindgames. He's known for playing the amusing variety.
My in-person behavior is quite a bit sillier and rougher than my online behavior, mostly because he only accepts "sweet" as a return type from me when I'm really upset about something.
Re:
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Given him the URL a time or three. Think he's more worried about seeing lovey-dovey examples of my devotion to him that he'd have to smack me down about. Either that or the inside of my mind really scares him... probably a little bit of both, plus laziness.
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You know what I think? I think that as long as you're not asking anything of him that he's not willing to give, that he shouldn't fash himself over what your feelings are. You. Love. Him. Fine. So? He doesn't love you back, not romantically anyway (though he clearly loves you as a friend, at the very least; almost every action speaks it.) If you're not traumatized by this, then he should quit fussing 'bout it and just get back to being friends. And deal with the fact that you love him.
There's no reason you should have to stop loving him just because it's not reciprocated. Not if you don't have a problem with that. Specific *behaviours* he has the right to request you not do. Your heart is not his domain.
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I try to avoid telling him I love him too much. It wounds him, and serves no useful purpose but the verbal expression of what I tell him by action and empathy every day anyway. Unlike Shawn, he hasn't forbidden it; he tries more subtle attempts (again, the glass mask) to discourage me in getting too attached, too close, thinking of him too romantically. The latest is comparing me to a puppy. I'm certain he knows how much I dislike dogs, in general... He'd never, ever, ever call me a bitch (well, he would under certain circumstances of joking, the rules for which are well-defined)... the distinctions, with us, are exceptionally subtle to the outside observer.
He has chosen to care for my health and sanity. ...Would that I had the power to share with his wounded heart some of the healing that his company's given to me...
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Sometimes, if it's something I don't mind people knowing, if they care to look, but don't particularly want the whole world to know immediately, I friends-lock when posted, then go back and change status later.
He knows he's being teased, IRL. I often write up the exchanges we have, mostly for my own failing memory. (He knows about this: he's usually the one to detect when my memory's blanked a conversation we have. Illianesque, I've repeated: this was perhaps Tuesday.) I don't take jabs at the defenceless; if he's not reading it in here, it's a forum he can't defend himself in.
I talk shit about Shawn and BJ all the time, though. I suppose that's the difference between respect and lack thereof. Darkside, I respect.