Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2013-02-17 12:01 am
azurelunatic) wrote2013-02-17 12:01 am
Entry tags:
Maple syrup: Not Lube
An individual who shall remain anonymous asked IRC whether maple syrup was lube or not lube, and then how much not-lube it was.
In the spirit of inquiry and also that perhaps I'm up past my bedtime, science ensued.
Hypothesis:
Maple syrup is not lube.
Materials:
1 bottle of maple syrup (Trader Joe's)
1 shotglass (IKEA)
sink
hand soap
computer and internet stop watch
bluetooth headset
tumblr
2 human hands
Procedure:
Washed hands with soap in sink.
Poured a shot of maple syrup.
Sat at computer desk with maple syrup.
Called tumblr in the attempt to record what the hell was going on here.
Dipped fingers (first finger, thumb) of non-mouse-hand in maple syrup.
Started stopwatch and commenced rubbing fingers across each other in constant contact, in the classic "money" gesture.
(Tumblr disconnected.)
(Called Tumblr back.)
After fingers got tired and maple syrup was not yet degrading as expected, at about the three minute mark, switched to pinching together and pulling apart fingers.
Noticed distinct stickiness within 30 seconds, and active adhesion within a minute.
Subsequent rubbing had more friction than rubbing bare skin together.
Declared experiment over, licked fingers clean, drank shot of maple syrup, washed hands.
Told IRC.
Conclusions:
Contrary to my initial expectation, it might not be an instant disaster to attempt to use maple syrup as a sexual lubricant ... for a few minutes.
Sex does, however, often involve both sliding-alongside-in-constant-contact and push-together-and-pull-apart actions. The together-and-apart parts of it might well render the maple syrup too tacky to continue, in short order.
Maple syrup is still a sugary substance, and as such, can provide an excellent growth medium for yeast. This is really not great when it happens in one's tender bits.
Maple syrup: still not lube!
In the spirit of inquiry and also that perhaps I'm up past my bedtime, science ensued.
Hypothesis:
Maple syrup is not lube.
Materials:
1 bottle of maple syrup (Trader Joe's)
1 shotglass (IKEA)
sink
hand soap
computer and internet stop watch
bluetooth headset
tumblr
2 human hands
Procedure:
Washed hands with soap in sink.
Poured a shot of maple syrup.
Sat at computer desk with maple syrup.
Called tumblr in the attempt to record what the hell was going on here.
Dipped fingers (first finger, thumb) of non-mouse-hand in maple syrup.
Started stopwatch and commenced rubbing fingers across each other in constant contact, in the classic "money" gesture.
(Tumblr disconnected.)
(Called Tumblr back.)
After fingers got tired and maple syrup was not yet degrading as expected, at about the three minute mark, switched to pinching together and pulling apart fingers.
Noticed distinct stickiness within 30 seconds, and active adhesion within a minute.
Subsequent rubbing had more friction than rubbing bare skin together.
Declared experiment over, licked fingers clean, drank shot of maple syrup, washed hands.
Told IRC.
Conclusions:
Contrary to my initial expectation, it might not be an instant disaster to attempt to use maple syrup as a sexual lubricant ... for a few minutes.
Sex does, however, often involve both sliding-alongside-in-constant-contact and push-together-and-pull-apart actions. The together-and-apart parts of it might well render the maple syrup too tacky to continue, in short order.
Maple syrup is still a sugary substance, and as such, can provide an excellent growth medium for yeast. This is really not great when it happens in one's tender bits.
Maple syrup: still not lube!
Fwd: Fwd:FWD:Maple syrup: still not lube!
(Mjolnir 4 Hire: thanks eh also whAT
Xan Kriegor: I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT NEED TO KNOW
Mjolnir 4 Hire: THANKS ILL BE CAREFUL NOW
Xan Kriegor: YW STAY SAFE EH)
Re: Fwd: Fwd:FWD:Maple syrup: still not lube!
Re: Fwd: Fwd:FWD:Maple syrup: still not lube!
Re: Fwd: Fwd:FWD:Maple syrup: still not lube!
But, it's always good to be sure.
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May all your experiments have endings as tasty.
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Though I do wonder how it works if there's a condom involved. (One more thing to add to Mike & Connie's experimental setup. Non-lube substances.)
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There are some things that I will not, in fact, do for science.
May I add this to my quote file? And if so, how would you like to be attributed? (Default would be "azurelunatic, on DW, 17 February 2013")
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On the other hand, being Canadian, I can't imagine anyone being grabbing for maple syrup. I mean, have they ever touched the stuff?? Tried to get it off the kitchen table?
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