Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-08-13 01:11 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2002-08-13 01:11 pm
Brains
This is twice in 24 hours that I've been told that I'm a genius.
It consistently stuns me that not everybody finds learning, writing, science, ["You're a genius; that's three times",![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
evealone comments from over my shoulder] and so forth as easy as I do.
Trouble is, I don't quite consider myself a true, functioning genius.
It's my belief that in order to be a countable genius, I have to make some or other variety of lasting contribution to the world. Perhaps not a unique one, but nevertheless lasting. I honestly don't know what I've done. I've been an influence in people's lives, yes. I saw that poster plastered all over my middle school, the quote from someone I can't remember, saying that in a hundred years, it will not matter what kind of house I had or what kind of car I drove; but it will matter that I have made a difference in the life of a child. I can't remember how many children I've baby-sat. I've written, but I haven't finished my novel yet, and my few other fictional writings haven't been spread particularly far. I should dig up "Dogfire" and "Anne" sometime and put them somewhere interesting.
I haven't formulated any scientific theories. I've barely even formulated the random breezy suggestion of a hypothesis here and there. I'd like to do something nice with mathematics, or with physics.
I was given these brains, this sharp wittiness, this skill with words despite my early hatred for all things written (I had a horrible time learning to write, learning to do math); what am I going to do with it?
It consistently stuns me that not everybody finds learning, writing, science, ["You're a genius; that's three times",
evealone comments from over my shoulder] and so forth as easy as I do. Trouble is, I don't quite consider myself a true, functioning genius.
It's my belief that in order to be a countable genius, I have to make some or other variety of lasting contribution to the world. Perhaps not a unique one, but nevertheless lasting. I honestly don't know what I've done. I've been an influence in people's lives, yes. I saw that poster plastered all over my middle school, the quote from someone I can't remember, saying that in a hundred years, it will not matter what kind of house I had or what kind of car I drove; but it will matter that I have made a difference in the life of a child. I can't remember how many children I've baby-sat. I've written, but I haven't finished my novel yet, and my few other fictional writings haven't been spread particularly far. I should dig up "Dogfire" and "Anne" sometime and put them somewhere interesting.
I haven't formulated any scientific theories. I've barely even formulated the random breezy suggestion of a hypothesis here and there. I'd like to do something nice with mathematics, or with physics.
I was given these brains, this sharp wittiness, this skill with words despite my early hatred for all things written (I had a horrible time learning to write, learning to do math); what am I going to do with it?
no subject
I doubt that I have the aptitude to do anything lasting like a theory or a book or anything like that, something that is the providence of actual smart people.
But people say that I'm too hard on myself.
no subject