Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-08-15 01:38 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2002-08-15 01:38 pm
Migods, there is communication!
To say that I "let Darkside see what makes me tick" would be inaccurate, of today. He already knows many, if not most, of the psychological structures inside me that make me do what I do; he knows what most of the inputs are for my reactions around him. He observes the ticking.
Today, I allowed him to see printouts of the internal states while the ticking was going on. Now, perhaps, he will have a better understanding of why these inputs and the psychological structures interact to produce a ticking response.
Communication. I love it.
To make the interaction even better, he doesn't understand why I called people who would not listen when I had something to say "friend" ever at all. That situation is not something that he calls friendship.
Darkside and Votania are my models for adult friendship, now. Certainly I've had friends in the past, but those friendships are the ones that have evolved since childhood, especially my relationship with Narcissa. Some of my adult friends aren't particularly close.
Somehow, Darkside and Votania are the people closest to me who I haven't known my whole life, with the most sane friendships. I'm not sure how we're making it work, but we are.
Today, I allowed him to see printouts of the internal states while the ticking was going on. Now, perhaps, he will have a better understanding of why these inputs and the psychological structures interact to produce a ticking response.
Communication. I love it.
To make the interaction even better, he doesn't understand why I called people who would not listen when I had something to say "friend" ever at all. That situation is not something that he calls friendship.
Darkside and Votania are my models for adult friendship, now. Certainly I've had friends in the past, but those friendships are the ones that have evolved since childhood, especially my relationship with Narcissa. Some of my adult friends aren't particularly close.
Somehow, Darkside and Votania are the people closest to me who I haven't known my whole life, with the most sane friendships. I'm not sure how we're making it work, but we are.
no subject
I'm with DS on this one. But then, I frequently am. :) "Friend" is a special word in my vocabulary. Only in LJ-terms do I use it lightly, in reference to my "friends' list". I dislike the name for it; the vast majority of people on my friends' list are not my friends. They are not people that I could call at 2 in the morning if I needed something and have them not be mad. People that I could talk to about my deepest problems and get responses that I need to hear. I am a friend to anyone who asks it; I count very few as friends of mine.
I have more friends right now than I've ever had in my life. I guess this incarnation of myself is more likable than the previous ones have been...I guess that means I must've learned something along the way, eh? If you can judge a person by their friends, what does the list say about me? Amber and Az, Enju and Chris,Meercat and Mark, Shadesong and Kelrick, Mamadeb and Inkling. My list of True Friends has never been so long in my life...and the fact that I have an even longer list of more-than-friendly acquaintances is simply shocking to me.
You know, looking back on that list, it certainly sorted itself in an interesting manner... *giggle*
no subject
If a genius thinks you're a genius...