possible parenting descrepancy solution

[azurelunatic]

Co-parent (male) reports that LF is often self-centered when he should be thinking of others.

Bad way to deal with this: "You don't really want that" and guilt-tripping by making him feel bad about what he wants.

Possible better way to deal with it:

"That's what you want for you. What do you want for Mommy?" Acknowledges his wants, and that he has a right to want for himself, but also reminds him to think about the other person.

Comments

[hookncrook.livejournal.com]

Ah, here you see the difference in male and female parenting. Men tend to be blaming or overly corrective with children...

We counter this by family votes, so you vote the way you feel and once everyone votes we vote a second time after we narrow the possibilities so the whole family has a say...

Plus at the age your little one is at kids are naturally self-centered.

[juuro.livejournal.com]

I at least say up front that I am not good at parenting, and don't even like it very much.

Then the sister who despite my reluctance has offloaded a number of her offspring on me comes back, and offers criticism on my methods and techniques by being very derogatory and downright making everything I have done and said the butt of a very hostile joke.

This, apparently, is her in her opinion conducive to making me better suited and more willing to babysit for her in the future.

Am I being a typical male again?

[hookncrook.livejournal.com]

No. I would say that is being taken advantage of and then treated badly for being kind... That is what I think.

[wibbble]

Based on how I'd parent, I think you might be right about male vs. female parenting.

Of course, I'd say 'don't do that, or I'm going to put you in the oven. CLANG! goes the oven door...' and then laugh maniacally.

Of course, I wouldn't really put the kid in the oven. My oven's not that big.

[azurelunatic]

Used to be, I'd be more corrective than Marx.

I think the optimal correction strategy is short, immediate corrections -- "See? You just interrupted. Try to avoid that." -- rather than five-minute lectures on what a bad kd you just were.

[wibbble]

Exactly!

I'd put them in the oven /right away/.

[azurelunatic]

And only for a few minutes, versus for an hour.

[wibbble]

You're quite right.

I should use the /microwave/ oven!

[hookncrook.livejournal.com]

hehehe. Yes, it is so hard to fit them in those conventional ovens!