Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2020-07-21 11:50 am
azurelunatic) wrote2020-07-21 11:50 am
Entry tags:
From 2017: Negotiation
I wrote this back a few years, but stumbled across it recently. It doesn't include many details of the mechanics of what we were negotiating, but there are some vague mentions of putting sheets over unnamed club equipment (standard practice for any playspace furniture that might get sweated on). I have a kink filter, but this is a public entry.
The other night at the club, someone and I wound up doing something that turned into an emotionally intense scene. The scene itself was sufficiently personal that I wouldn't presume to ask the other party about me sharing the details. What jumped out at me was the negotiation sequence.
The other party and I have played together enough to be comfortable. So it went kind of like this:
Them: I kinda want [thing], but [assorted doubts].
Me: Hm. What do you want that for?
It's probably worth mentioning at this point that we weren't sat down at, like, a dining room table under fluorescent lights with a piece of paper, we were tucked together on a couch with soft lighting, with the music of the club pulsing around us and various friends and friendly acquaintances walking through and by.
Them: [various backstory, and implementation details]
[more extensive but still casual conversation about the thing, and the reasons behind it]
Me: And how hard would you want me to do that?
Them: Don't hold back.
Them: [role-playing and emotional details]
Me: Do you think this would affect your ability to trust me after the scene, if I do all that?
Them: I think I should be fine.
Me: Okay.
Me: Stoplight isn't going to be precise enough for this one, so I'll ask you for numbers. [These have been discussed often enough that we have a shorthand. Stoplight being green = keep going, yellow = caution, red = stop. Numbers being 0-10 pain scale type numbers, with 10 being safeword.]
Them: Sounds good.
Me: I will probably check in frequently.
Them: Yes.
Me: And if it goes sideways, we're going to stop. [Meaning, even if they hadn't 10/red-ed at me, I was going to stop if I thought I should stop.]
Them: Yes.
Me: What equipment should we use?
Them: The [thing we used in a previous scene] wasn't super comfortable.
Me: So, I'm going to want you in [position], what about one of the [other things]?
Them: If one of them is open.
Me: I'll go see.
Me: *goes* *returns*
Me: We've got it. You get a sheet [club standard for equipment use, cover it and then wipe it down] and I'll pick out implements [I didn't have what would be wanted in my club bag, but there were loaners].
Me, to DM: Yo! I think you should know, this is going to be a pretty emotionally intense scene that we have planned.
DM: Hey, thanks for telling me that.
This wasn't really what I tend to think of, when I think about negotiation. I tend to think that it's starting from a less intimately connected place. I tend to think that it's a little more formal. I tend to think that it's not necessarily conducted in the hour before it actually happens. I tend to think that it's not actually inside the club. I tend to think that there's a little more physical and emotional distance.
But this counts as negotiation too.
The other night at the club, someone and I wound up doing something that turned into an emotionally intense scene. The scene itself was sufficiently personal that I wouldn't presume to ask the other party about me sharing the details. What jumped out at me was the negotiation sequence.
The other party and I have played together enough to be comfortable. So it went kind of like this:
Them: I kinda want [thing], but [assorted doubts].
Me: Hm. What do you want that for?
It's probably worth mentioning at this point that we weren't sat down at, like, a dining room table under fluorescent lights with a piece of paper, we were tucked together on a couch with soft lighting, with the music of the club pulsing around us and various friends and friendly acquaintances walking through and by.
Them: [various backstory, and implementation details]
[more extensive but still casual conversation about the thing, and the reasons behind it]
Me: And how hard would you want me to do that?
Them: Don't hold back.
Them: [role-playing and emotional details]
Me: Do you think this would affect your ability to trust me after the scene, if I do all that?
Them: I think I should be fine.
Me: Okay.
Me: Stoplight isn't going to be precise enough for this one, so I'll ask you for numbers. [These have been discussed often enough that we have a shorthand. Stoplight being green = keep going, yellow = caution, red = stop. Numbers being 0-10 pain scale type numbers, with 10 being safeword.]
Them: Sounds good.
Me: I will probably check in frequently.
Them: Yes.
Me: And if it goes sideways, we're going to stop. [Meaning, even if they hadn't 10/red-ed at me, I was going to stop if I thought I should stop.]
Them: Yes.
Me: What equipment should we use?
Them: The [thing we used in a previous scene] wasn't super comfortable.
Me: So, I'm going to want you in [position], what about one of the [other things]?
Them: If one of them is open.
Me: I'll go see.
Me: *goes* *returns*
Me: We've got it. You get a sheet [club standard for equipment use, cover it and then wipe it down] and I'll pick out implements [I didn't have what would be wanted in my club bag, but there were loaners].
Me, to DM: Yo! I think you should know, this is going to be a pretty emotionally intense scene that we have planned.
DM: Hey, thanks for telling me that.
This wasn't really what I tend to think of, when I think about negotiation. I tend to think that it's starting from a less intimately connected place. I tend to think that it's a little more formal. I tend to think that it's not necessarily conducted in the hour before it actually happens. I tend to think that it's not actually inside the club. I tend to think that there's a little more physical and emotional distance.
But this counts as negotiation too.
no subject
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It actually sounded very much like what I imagine when I think of "kink negotiation": you covered the main bases I'd expect.
with the music of the club pulsing around us and various friends and friendly acquaintances walking through and by
*makes a note* Seems like I should not go to kink clubs except if I am actually in the mood to play with sensory overwhelm in an auditory and spatial way as well as in the other ways that people more commonly play with sensory overwhelm at kink clubs.
no subject