The Boa Blues: Dented Mice (TTTO "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell)

Sometimes I feel I've got to
crawl away I've got to
get away
from the ice you drive into the heart of me
the food we share
seems to go nowhere
and I've lost my mice
I toss and turn I can't shed at night

Once I crawled to you (I crawled)
now I'll hide from you
these dented mice you've given
I gave you all a snake could give you
take this mouse and that's not nearly all
Oh... dented mice
Dented mice

Now I know I've got to
crawl away
I've got to hide away
You don't really want any more from me
you ate these mice
you need someone to show you right
You think love is to prey
well I'm sorry I don't prey that way

(chorus)

Don't touch me please
I can't stand the way you squeeeze
I love you but you hurt me so
Now I'm gonna shed my skin and go!
Dented mice, dented mice
dented mice, dented mice
pet me baby, dented mice
pet me baby, dented mice
dented mice
dented mice
dented mice...


Lyrics adapted by Joan [lastname], (c) 2002

Obligations, Spaced...

Shit, I forgot to ward the (remainder of the) door.

(no subject)

I cannot deal with "silly" early in the morning.

Damn.

Can't concentrate now, not even with door shut and locked.

Must wait until noise is gone.

I am not a mother. I am not meant to be a mother.

Got it!

Sealed, cleansed.

Should be good.

Oh, and took some of the gunkies and threw it in the specific direction of the gunky-creators.

Ghaa!

Sometimes you read things and they don't make sense and then you read them again and you flip.

Uncle S* [nonrelated, uncle by courtesy] and his wife are separated. They've got their hands full enough with the one kid (middle school aged, troubled) without his wife adopting the baby. Uncle S* didn't want to get tangled up in the mess. I'm glad that his wife is Called to take care of people, but the one kid needs her attention just as much.

Somehow I missed that, being as it was mixed in with information about my father's upcoming surgery.

Relatives

Grandma is going to have votania and marxdarx and Nephew come over to stay for the whole weekend, next weekend. If it were only for one day, I'd be able to do it, but not for the entire weekend.

The last time I visited her parents' house it was for Labor Day Weekend, and the Quadruple Birthday of Doom.

At the worst point, if Votania had been there, I would have deliberately induced a full-scale meltdown, the sort that only Darkside used to be allowed to see, and lately, sometimes votania as I've come to trust her more. Why would I have done that? To make them take me home. I was past the point of caring what they thought of me, past the point of being saner-than-thou. It was only Votania's absence that was stopping me, as I couldn't bear the thought of being in that condition, even self-induced, even very controlled as it would have to be in order to make a show of it, without someone I trusted there, and without her being there to be taken home with me.

I can't go back there. Not for the night. Not without a ready means of escape. They may have become more nice, and more comprehensible, to votania, but the more I get to know them, the more alien, the more repulsive, the more sickening, they are to me.

(Votania's father is cool. He also hides away in his den, a place where Votania's mother rarely enters.)

Shopping list

Bread
more of the peanuts (I'm snarfing through them)
Nice sturdy cheap cotton shorts (mine are mostly 4 years old and on the old end of the bell curve)

To Do:

Enter class schedule in Inanna
Go to the plasma place Monday
Call Darkside about the thing that I need his advice on
Get in touch with Dawn and organize the Harry Potter collective raid
Ask Darkside about the upcoming movies (Star Trek, LotR) and when we'll get to see them together
Make sure my clothing, backpack, etc. are in order for school
Clean out notebook
Get papers sorted
Buy folders
Write more in paper journal, especially where Nephew can see me
Schedule dentist appointment to fix teeth (set 1)
Reactivate cellphone? Think I can with parents' latest help plus donations; have feeling it may be Necessary.
Find hemp cord to replace cord that just broke on necklace

Breaking...

The hemp cord that I'd had the pendant Darkside gave to me was fraying. I noticed especially today, and I deliberately pulled on it hard enough so it broke, and then immediately found another cord and re-strung the pendant and put it back on.

This time, the chaos star's not next to it. I don't feel that it's really necessary.

Must reschedule RPG, as well.

All OK (we hope)

Called my father, who lives in Fairbanks, about 90 miles away from the 7.9 earthquake. Mama was at the University Womens' Christmas Bazaar, with her pottery. FatherSir hasn't heard from her yet. He hopes nothing fell off her shelves.

He's been monitoring ham traffic (he's AL1I) and hearing how things are shaking out to be.

(no subject)

Earthquake stuff

Birthdays, belated

Got Nephew a Raffi video for his birthday, and he's finally getting to see it. He's completely digging it, and Mommy and Marx are so very much not. I was raised on Raffi, with much delight.

Oooh! and I know just how to celebrate it, too!

http://colourthegrey.net/home.php

Harry Potter, anyone?

My Darkside-sense is tingling

There are some conversations with Darkside that leave me reeling, lips tingling, hormone-high, like I've just been given a thorough kiss.

This was not quite one of them, but close.

So he does a little self-revealation. Never knew that about him, and never knew he thought that about himself either. Reassured him as much I could about the friendliness issue. (He's not a people person, and sometimes he's sorry about that fact.)

Geeking, puns, and silliness. It's a delight talking with him, especially late at night with no lights on. He heals some of my guilt about being a brat and a tease, as I knew he'd be able to.

Tonight, again, he tried to put the mental image of him in the shower in my mind. He's very sneaky about how he does this, but since I know that he knows me this well, I caught him this time.

"I've got to go take a shower," he said, then paused a moment, and said, "Get that picture out of your head!"

This is an old familar trick. If I'm not already thinking of him in the shower, I will be now, as I sputter, choke, and shrilly deny that I was thinking any such thing to start with. He knows this. He does this on purpose. Tonight I called him on it.

This is the second time, at least, he's done that to me, with the specific image of him in the shower. I must note it if it happens again.

He would like to reschedule the game, and he would like to be included in any mass raid on Harry Potter. I will attempt to sweet-talk him into seeing other movies with me, but that's a project for the future. He's been told, again, that he is welcome here at any time, and I have formally asked permission to call his cellphone. He neither gave nor witheld permission in general, but noted that it would be at the depth of inconvenience were I to disturb his work with a phone call (I'd avoid it anyway, but it's nice to know that he leaves it on during work so I won't call unless it's the direst emergency) and that it's really easier to get in touch with him through the home number.

Ghaaa, not again.

Not sure I've mentioned this before, but every now and then my heart decides to do something interesting: go about double-time, rather harder than it ought to. It usually doesn't. This happened maybe once every two months, if then, when I was a teenager, and now happens maybe twice a year, if that.

Did that tonight for about three minutes: after the first two and a half minutes, I decided that enough was enough, controlled my breathing, and sure enough, within three breaths, my heart rate dropped back down to its sedate speed of distinctly less than 120.

This is something to keep an eye on, but not, from my perspective, anything really worrisome. Noting it down so I'll have this to refer back to when it happens again.