Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-our-ceo-is-demanding-we-return-to-the-office-but-people-dont-want-to-and-im-a-manager-stuck-in-the-middle.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34551

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer whose CEO was demanding everyone return to the office but people didn’t want to — and they were a manager stuck in the middle? Here’s the update.

Just a few months after my letter was published … my team imploded. My boss decided after 10 years of service to leave the company to focus on his family, and due to the terrible state my industry is in right now, my team of 12 is now just three, including me. Losing the head of the department in the way it all happened was such a massive blow. Not his fault, he sacrificed a lot for us already, and overall, he’s a close friend of mine so I wish him nothing but the best.

As of right now, one of my colleagues is on paternity leave, so it’s just two of us during the busiest time in our field. So, we’re currently about three levels underwater. I’m over 200% capacity; I’ve never been so stressed with work before. I felt like quitting and even told my new boss that recently!

(Many, many people in the same field I’m in have struggled to find work for 1 – 1.5 years after a layoff … so quitting isn’t really wise right now. LinkedIn is depressing).

For the subject I wrote in about: Prior to the blow-up, the team started to abide by the mandate after a resync on expectations with everyone , so we were doing okay for a while. The three of us left keep to the three days in office pretty regularly because our new supervisor is old school like the CEO in favor of in-person interactions over remote. But he’s flexible if we ask him to only come in two days instead of three because of the workload. We don’t even have HR anymore, so no one is checking keycard entries (people stroll in and out at random times), and the CEO is concentrated on AI now.

Alison, your advice was thoughtful and balanced. If my CEO was, let’s say, a normal processing person, what you laid out would make sense. Unfortunately, he’s a very self-focused, verbose individual. I had my first 1:1 with him a few weeks ago, an out of the blue lunch mandate he just decided, and he spoke for the entire hour. I maybe got in 20 words. He rambles and it’s hard to understand him. The company runs around him, not due to him, heh. Just once in a while, he decides a new directive we all have to follow. In the case of the in-office mandate, he seems to have forgotten how important it was to stick to it for all employees, as it hasn’t come up as a thing in months. Despite being a contentious topic for years.

A few things I’ve learned from this experience: There is a lot of merit to in-person interactions that can get missed if you’re always remote that I’ve come to value, so I wouldn’t say to get rid of it entirely. I agree with Alison’s take when speaking about employees learning in-person through osmosis — there is really something special to that. Also, it really can help with morale, as there are more moments of levity that can naturally arise in person. I just did my 1:1 with my remaining coworker as a boba walk, which was nice for us both in this terrible chaos. Though I’m still of the mindset that just one to two days a week is enough. I get that people want different things from work, but human connection is the only thing that really keeps me going these past years.

Empathetic leadership also really matters. My old boss had some faults, but he was always looking out for me, and I miss that. My new supervisor is giving me a lot of grace as the new department head and is honoring a lot of what I got used to under my old leadership, so that’s also super appreciated. The politics at this level is really hard, and every day I’m learning. I have a lot to learn.

(As a tiny glimmer of hope for those worried: I’m also in grad school now to change careers, so I am trying to get out of this! I started this at the worst possible time. My second year requires me to take on an unpaid internship for hour accrual during regular business hours though, so I’m not sure what I’m gonna do. Tomorrow’s problem.)

The post update: our CEO is demanding we return to the office but people don’t want to — and I’m a manager stuck in the middle appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-our-ceo-is-demanding-we-return-to-the-office-but-people-dont-want-to-and-im-a-manager-stuck-in-the-middle.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34551

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/coworkers-are-secretly-bringing-kids-to-work-office-is-full-of-whispers-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=30672

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.

1. Coworkers are bringing kids to work but keeping it a secret from our boss

I work in a small, open concept office and I am having issues with my coworker bringing children to work. My coworker “Sansa” has a grandchild the same age as the son of another one of my coworkers, “Arya.” The boys are best friends and they attended the same (all-day) preschool. There were several times over the course of the summer that the boys were present in the office, sometimes for the entire day, between times when their summer camps was not in session and my boss was not in the office.

Arya burned through the small amount of vacation she received when she started working here six months ago, taking care of the boys after my boss found the boys in our conference room and had the office manager talk to Sansa and Arya about how this workplace was not a day care.

This week, the boys started kindergarten (although they are in different classes, since the school has several). Sansa leaves the office at her scheduled departure time of 4 and then goes to pick up her grandchild and Arya’s son from school about five minutes away from our office. She then swings back to the office and drops off Arya’s son. Arya does not leave until 5. Since the boys don’t see each other all day and it’s “better” that they get to spend time together, Sansa stays with the boys in our office until it is time for Arya to leave.

I have asked Sansa if she could take the boys outside or to the park a block away, and she stated it’s only for a hour, it’s hot out, and she can keep them quiet. She spends the entire time standing around in the office shushing them, which, as you might imagine, does not work. I have discussed this with our office manager, but she feels it’s okay because our boss leaves at 3 to go pick up his own child from school and therefore “(Boss) won’t know unless someone tells him.”

What I really want to do is ask my boss if it’s possible to shift my hours to 8 to 4, so I don’t have to put up with these boys running up and down the office shrieking (in happy tones) for the last hour of my work day. I am concerned this request will require me telling my boss the reason I want my hours to shift, and the true answer — “because Sansa brings two happy little boys to the office every day at 4 who do not possess an indoor voice and I want to claw my eardrums out every day” is not very work appropriate.

Wow. It sounds like your boss has already said this isn’t okay to do, and it’s happening again anyway, because of your coworkers’ willingness to intentionally hide it from him, which is pretty messed up. It’s additionally messed up that you’re being implicitly pressured not to speak up, even though there are shrieking kids in your office making it hard for you to work. (Third messed up thing here: There are shrieking kids in your office making it hard for you to work. It’s incredibly rude that Sansa and Arya are allowing this.)

Ideally you’d tell Sansa and Arya that you’re not able to focus while the boys are there, but given that they’re actively doing something they know they’re not supposed to be doing, I’m not sure how well that’ll go over. It might just make them hostile to you without resulting in any other change. And really, while normally you owe coworkers the courtesy of talking to them before escalating something to their boss, they’re not entitled to that when they’re actively trying to deceive your boss.

So I’d talk to your boss and say something like, “I’m finding it’s difficult to focus from 4-5 now that Sansa and Arya have kids in the office during that hour every day, often being pretty loud. Would you be okay with me shifting my hours to 8-4?” That’s a reasonable request, and you shouldn’t have to lie about your reason in order to cover for Sansa and Arya (and in fact, doing so would make you complicit in what they’re doing).

– 2018

Read updates to this letter here and here.

2. My office is full of whispers

I work on a smallish team in a large company. We work in an open plan office, so we are encouraged not to be too loud. However, my manager takes it a step farther. Most of her conversations with my coworkers are whispered, the way you would if you were telling someone a thing you don’t want overheard. It is audible enough that you can tell it is whispering – think stage whispering – but not enough that you can hear clear details.

Sometimes I’m on the other end of those conversations (but not as often as other coworkers) and they often involve criticisms of other departments/projects and general bad news. So when I hear whispering, it is not a stretch to imagine it is more bad news. From there it’s not a stretch to worry that the bad news involves me. Our office has a certain amount of uncertainty about how long the flow of projects will last, is staffed largely by temps, and has a lot of turnover. I try to do my job well but am by no means a star employee, and I usually have no idea on any given day whether I will have a job the next week.

As a result, every time the whispering starts (several times a day) I get incredibly anxious, particularly if I hear anything that sounds like it could be my name. But I don’t know what to do. I can’t not think about it when I can hear it in real time. I certainly can’t tell my superior how to talk. The office isn’t headphones-friendly and is designed in a way where sound carries. I’m medicated for anxiety but this is more situational. Is there anything else I can do?

Ooooh, I would hate that too. There’s something about whispering that catches your ear and is far harder to tune out than normal conversations — and that’s before you even get to the “why are they being so secretive?” part.

I’m sure your boss thinks she’s being considerate. It’s an open office, and she probably figures this is minimizing the distraction to others, not realizing that whispering can be the distraction equivalent of strolling through the office nude.

I do think this is something you could potentially speak up about. Ideally you’d find out first if anyone else is bothered by it, because if there are, several of you can raise it (maybe at a team meeting) by saying something like, “I think it’s great that we try to be considerate of noise level since we’re working in an open space, but — kind of counterintuitively — sometimes whispering is actually more distracting! Could try low voices instead and see if that works better?”

But also, there are things you can do on your own to talk yourself down when the whispering makes you anxious. Remind yourself that you hear whispering several times a day, which means that it’s just the way people there talk, not that they’re doing it so you won’t hear them talking about you.

I do get that when you’re in an environment where you never know if you’ll have a job next week, this is going to be even more anxiety-producing. But really, the problem is that you’re in an environment where you never know if you’ll have a job next week, far more than it is the whispering. The best thing you can do in that situation is to be actively job hunting, so that you don’t feel like you’re just waiting for the ax to fall, and instead are actively taking steps to change the situation for the better and won’t be starting from scratch if the ax does fall. (In fact, you might be better off if you just assume the ax will fall and proceed accordingly.)

– 2019

3. Our director wants us to be “enthusiastic and upbeat” at a town hall which will probably bring bad news

My department recently received an email from our department director that said the following: “I am not typically a rah-rah kinda guy, but I am requesting that we be as enthusiastic and upbeat as possible tomorrow, without it being obviously phony. ”

To fill you in, the smallish company I work for is owned by a large billion dollar organization. The company is under-performing due to our parent company not willing to invest in technology upgrades that are needed to become competitive again. Each year, the employees lose more and more. Our benefits are constantly downgraded, yearly bonuses removed, raises never higher than 1% or less, and that’s just a small sampling of the continual downward spiral of employee treatment. For the last two years, our quarterly “Town Hall” meetings have been coming with reorganization that includes employee layoffs. The last two included laying off individuals who had been with our little company since inception, and it was done without mentioning they were doing it. We would return from the off-site meeting and discover empty desks. All that coupled with continual spending to look the part of a casual tech company, and the continued growth of required job duties has really brought morale down.

So this morning it was announced that a last-minute town hall was again scheduled to go over first quarter, with the instructions I posted above. Can the director really make such a request a requirement? I would appreciate any advice you may have.

Well, I think it’s more nuanced than that. Is he going to fire you if you look a little downtrodden and less than enthusiastic to be there? Pretty unlikely. Might he hold it against you in more subtle ways? Sure. But the other question to ask is whether he’s giving this direction because he genuinely believes it’s in your best interest — for example, he may know that your whole department is being looked at for cuts, and he knows that if people look pissed off or checked out, that’s not going to help. He may also be negotiating for something more for your department and will have a harder time getting it if that’s how you all show up. Or, yes, he might just not be thinking any further than some vague idea of shiny, happy corporate citizens, which is gross.

In any case, I don’t think you have to show up with pom poms, but it’s probably smart to look interested and engaged.

– 2016

4. Sending clients a photo of my dog in a wedding dress

I work in bridal sales, which is a weird world of its own. For 90 minutes I feel like I basically become best friends with my client and then I usually don’t see them again or maybe I’ll see them during their alterations.

I really like some of my brides and after they buy a dress we send them a thank-you card from the boutique. I had an idea of also texting them from the store phone (it’s how we book our appointments) and creating a cute digital card with a photo of my dog in a little wedding dress as a more personalized thank-you. My coworkers think it’s too much, but I think I make my sales by being sweet and actually caring about my brides. I thought it was a great idea because I usually swap dog photos with my brides during the appointments anyway; I live in a very dog-friendly town. Now my coworkers have me second guessing and thinking I’m being weird. They’ve been in sales a lot longer than I have so I don’t know if I should just defer to their opinion.

If you particularly bonded with someone and talked about your dogs, I don’t see anything wrong with sending it! However … what I do think is maybe too much is doing the thank-you card in the mail and this. As a customer, if I were getting multiple thank-you’s, I might feel that was overkill and wonder how much more contact I was going to be receiving. (But please feel free to show us your dog in that wedding dress.)

– 2019

The post coworkers are secretly bringing kids to work, office is full of whispers, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/coworkers-are-secretly-bringing-kids-to-work-office-is-full-of-whispers-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=30672