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Jun. 30th, 1996 12:00 amJune 30, 1996
One of those days. I finished reading “Hamlet.” Shawn as Horatio…that is perfect for him. I would like to see him as Hamlet, though… with maybe myself as Ophelia? Even though they both end up dead, I would enjoy playing her part. Playing her part opposite Shawn. That would be fun. Really fun…as in, I’d enjoy sleeping with him.
I love the Lady E. It’s just that sometimes I have trouble remembering the absolutely wonderful girl with whom I fell in love. She’s so wonderful!
Shawn is a great friend. I love him. We talked last night, on my phone bill. He’s going to try to call me next weekend.
Turtle is one of Shawn’s old friends. There is another friend of Shawn’s who he has known for a long time—he’s got a strange nickname too. They’re both old friends. Got it? I wonder what Shawn’s nickname with them was. It’s something I should probably find out.
Darn it, I hate it when Shawn does stupid things. You know, he’s told me the dumbest thing he’s ever done, and a lot of other stuff about him that other people don’t know. I wonder if some of his old friends have some of his same talents?
If I have to give up the Lady E's love, I will. I cannot desert Shawn. I must live for him. I must not die. That’s for both of them.
The most rotten thing, the stupidest thing, and more of the most despicable things I’ve ever done all rolled up into one…that’s something I must never tell Shawn.
One thing I’d like to do would be to spend an evening with Shawn in a private place, just talking about everything. I always see us in a featureless, padded room for that, for some reason. Not quite featureless, but without windows, without real furniture beyond pillows in harmonious colors. A room where someone—several someones—can make themselves utterly comfortable and just talk. I can see the two of us just sprawling around, maybe leaning on each other, sharing stories and confidences and feelings. Opinions. Emotions.
It’s odd. I always see him as someone to lean on, except when I see him as a child. He sees me as an other mother, one who isn’t blood-related to him, but a motherly person all the same.
That was strange. I felt, for just a moment, that I wasn’t all Joani. Like I was part Shawn.
I want to have him as a lifemate. I know that there’s nothing I can do to stop him from fooling around with other girls (and there’s very little he could do to keep me from finding love wherever it was to be found) but I want him as a friend and love, perhaps even a lover, if we both felt like it.
Hey, maybe I could get him drunk or something, and then pursuade him to sleep with me. Trouble is, he may not have been telling the truth about several things. Has he really slept with anybody? If so, does he have anything? Oh, Goddess, I hope they checked him out when he got to Colorado. And another thing. If he hasn’t, then he might not really know what to do.
I love him. Keep him safe.
H and I talked about the joys and pitfalls of being bi. It’s annoying. She thinks that when grownups learn something like that about a kid, it’s fairly amusing, how they try to take it in stride and not show what they’re thinking on their faces.
One of those days. I finished reading “Hamlet.” Shawn as Horatio…that is perfect for him. I would like to see him as Hamlet, though… with maybe myself as Ophelia? Even though they both end up dead, I would enjoy playing her part. Playing her part opposite Shawn. That would be fun. Really fun…as in, I’d enjoy sleeping with him.
I love the Lady E. It’s just that sometimes I have trouble remembering the absolutely wonderful girl with whom I fell in love. She’s so wonderful!
Shawn is a great friend. I love him. We talked last night, on my phone bill. He’s going to try to call me next weekend.
Turtle is one of Shawn’s old friends. There is another friend of Shawn’s who he has known for a long time—he’s got a strange nickname too. They’re both old friends. Got it? I wonder what Shawn’s nickname with them was. It’s something I should probably find out.
Darn it, I hate it when Shawn does stupid things. You know, he’s told me the dumbest thing he’s ever done, and a lot of other stuff about him that other people don’t know. I wonder if some of his old friends have some of his same talents?
If I have to give up the Lady E's love, I will. I cannot desert Shawn. I must live for him. I must not die. That’s for both of them.
The most rotten thing, the stupidest thing, and more of the most despicable things I’ve ever done all rolled up into one…that’s something I must never tell Shawn.
One thing I’d like to do would be to spend an evening with Shawn in a private place, just talking about everything. I always see us in a featureless, padded room for that, for some reason. Not quite featureless, but without windows, without real furniture beyond pillows in harmonious colors. A room where someone—several someones—can make themselves utterly comfortable and just talk. I can see the two of us just sprawling around, maybe leaning on each other, sharing stories and confidences and feelings. Opinions. Emotions.
It’s odd. I always see him as someone to lean on, except when I see him as a child. He sees me as an other mother, one who isn’t blood-related to him, but a motherly person all the same.
That was strange. I felt, for just a moment, that I wasn’t all Joani. Like I was part Shawn.
I want to have him as a lifemate. I know that there’s nothing I can do to stop him from fooling around with other girls (and there’s very little he could do to keep me from finding love wherever it was to be found) but I want him as a friend and love, perhaps even a lover, if we both felt like it.
Hey, maybe I could get him drunk or something, and then pursuade him to sleep with me. Trouble is, he may not have been telling the truth about several things. Has he really slept with anybody? If so, does he have anything? Oh, Goddess, I hope they checked him out when he got to Colorado. And another thing. If he hasn’t, then he might not really know what to do.
I love him. Keep him safe.
H and I talked about the joys and pitfalls of being bi. It’s annoying. She thinks that when grownups learn something like that about a kid, it’s fairly amusing, how they try to take it in stride and not show what they’re thinking on their faces.
