Dream

This morning I couldn't wake up.

It would have taken more Will than I had to drag my tired body upright and awake when even my mind longed for sleep and oblivion.

No oblivion tonight.

I dreamed of my skin drying and frying and peeling like the girl from The Craft. I dreamed that my ex BJ had shown up on the doorstep with friends, big friends, and Votania had invited them in. I tried to send him away, but Votania wouldn't let me. He's changed. But he was still that same drug dealer. I had my boot planted in his bladder, him backed against the wall. I told him to never come back. Votania let him come back inside, and BJ told me that he could sue me for assaulting him.

The annoying girl, Krista, from high school, showed up, and began playing Votania's least favorite CD's with that annoying "I'm pissing you off and I know it and I like it" smile. I could do nothing. In my own home!

I finally woke, and dragged myself to school, late.


Sought comfort for a few moments with Darkside. Wanted to kneel next to his chair and rest my head on his lap and let him pet my hair and tell me I'd be OK. Knelt on floor next to his chair and smiled instead.

Regrouping

Well, yay, I guess. DSL is once more functional. This is supposed to be a good thing.

Still too tired and stressed to care much.

For the past two weeks, I swear, all I've been doing is, in order of time spent on it:

sleep
play Bejewled
work
read
school
write in my paper journal

and a bit of housecleaning. I have barely even seen Darkside. I think I must be avoiding him. Don't know quite why though. I'm not hungry, even though my stomach is, and Votania cooked a good meal. I guess chicken does not do it for me, whatever "it" is these days. Have barely even been responding to my e-mail, just checking for LJ comments, letters from my mom, and hardly reading the friends list at all. Need to catch up on the Bujold list; I love the people there. It's so restful... and I need rest.

Sanity Check

(bounced).


So what do I do about it? I've been trying to sleep. My body and mind have been demanding the sleep. I've been reading Bujold. Zooming through it, too. Delightful stuff, simply delightful. Miles always snaps me back to a higher degree of sanity.

Adam finally, with much prompting, cleaned up the computer mess in the living room to something livable. Was getting just too... tangled. There's a school of clearing the mind that has to do with furniture rearrangement; that was clearly called for here.

Votania should be much happier, having the living room availible to walk around in again. You couldn't walk from the kitchen to the living room when someone was on the computer, used to be, since it was parked right in the middle of the main walkspace. Bad thing, that.

Shamash is a teenage cat now, and seems to have started spraying. He's still kicked out of our rooms until he's neutered. He's been spending the majority of his time lying on the couch...

Oh, this is funny.

And I thought the incidents with antisense were over.

Following is a transcript of the Netscape Instant Messenger session, font color of main text edited to default, otherwise taken directly from the source code of the html file created upon saving the conversation.

thyl4c1n3:change your diaper, its getting pretty
rank

AzureLunatic: oh, antisense, so good to see you
again!

thyl4c1n3: you suck with a vengeance

AzureLunatic: And with excellent skill. Your point
is?

thyl4c1n3: in your dreams

thyl4c1n3: you pathetic wannabee

AzureLunatic: ha!

AzureLunatic: At least I can spell!

thyl4c1n3: and I can too, you limp stinking dishrag
of human being

AzureLunatic: Why do you think your insults have
any power to do anything other than occasionally
amuse and often bore me?

thyl4c1n3: whatev.

thyl4c1n3: you are the definition of pathetic

AzureLunatic: why do you even bother?

thyl4c1n3: you and your stupid little blue pentagram

thyl4c1n3: you probably lick your own anus like a
dog for amusement, your brain is so stunted

AzureLunatic: A new one out of you!

AzureLunatic: Have you started cribbing from
South Park now?

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