the land of a thousand sorrows past

Had to listen to Automatic for the People. Revisited a lot of strange, dark places. Saw the vision with the silver rose again. This time, the blood dripped down and fed the rose, which blossomed wider and eventually burst into flame, exploded, and coated my arm with silver, like Neo.

Evening

Stayed up late last night. Got drunk; got sober again. Listened to most of Automatic For The People. I really did not need to hear "Star Me Kitten" though. Like, really. Then the end of Nightswimming, and Find The River were skipped 'cause of a disturbance next door: a party that got a little too loud at one point.

Yesterday morning, I called Adam by Darkside's name, fully meaning to call him Adam.

Is this to be yet another documentary of a mind breaking down?

Why I Love You: Reprise

I wish I could have had a friend like you in grade school, middle school, high school, when I was growing up. You could have used a friend too. We would have spared each other quite a few of the smacks in the ass the universe has a habit of dealing out to those who are alone...

But then, if we'd had that, we wouldn't be the people we are today. You would not have had the bitter experience to give you the wisdom necessary to deal with me correctly, but I would not need such special dealing with, had I had the friend you could have been...

...the past is past. The future is before us. I think I can stand the sight of you again, twin brother. Beloved. Reflection. Alien. Whoever you are. Best Friend. We are who we are to each other now.

...Is sitting with you in the mornings and listening to you babble and walking you to class and letting you vent at me really repayment enough for all that you do for me? I suppose you need someone to do this with now that most of your other friends have graduated, and you never get to see your high school best friend anymore. Am I enough? Do I do it well enough? I must do something, I must mean something to you, or else you would not sit there next to me looking at me with pain in your eyes at the pain in mine. You, of all people, understand where I'm coming from. You know the hurt of a half-healed broken heart. I hope to gods some of your pain heals, soon.