For the last time, people:

I don't have a penis to enlarge, safely, naturally, or any other way! And I have no desire to be getting one!

...well, OK, if they made a magic plastic re-sizer, and some easy motor upgrades, and provided batteries, I might be interested. But I still don't think some little pill's going to do all that.

Happy happy happy...

birthday, crazicreek!

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<azzgrin>

(Backdated: Darkside babblings from on paper)

DARKSIDE IS GORGEOUS. Darkside is warm today. Have been stepping on feet at table. Sparred in cafeteria. Would like to wrestle naked. Would prevent interference from ripping clothing. Want to be held against him, face, lips, against his bare shoulder, bare crook of neck. How to mark time when every breath is a dream, the little motions of the body earthquakes, heartbeats a prayer, a prayer, please let this moment not end.

My face against your neck,

Owww.

Slept late; had to get shower. Spent extra time checking e-mail. Anyone who wants to IM me while I'm out or asleep -- tough shit. My computer is being kept shut down while I'm not awake for security reasons.

Darkside and I had a sparring contest in the cafeteria at the beginning of the lunchtime rush. Was interesting. Sometime, I would like to get into a serious wrestling match with him when clothes ripping is not an issue, just to see who would win.

Got my arm pinched in that spot between the muscles. Will leave a bruise. I am bruising more and more easily. It doesn't hurt anymore; it just will bruise.

Mmm, happy Lunatic.

Darkside may be stopping by to say hi to Votania today after school.

Happy Lunatic.

Love love love

Love pizza. Love Darkside. Love pillowfights. Love horseplay with Darkside. Love Nephew. Love Neighbor. Love Final Fantasy/Disney crossover game. Hate headache. Love decongestant. Love pillow. Love couch. Love Darkside. Love Darkside. Love Votania. Love popcorn. Hate Darkside driving in rush hour traffic; love Darkside deciding not to brave rush hour traffic. Love homemade pizza. Hate tensions. Love Votania. Hate not trusting formerly trusted people. Hate not loving those Votania loves. Love Votania. Love that we can talk. Hate Darkside leaving. Love seeing Darkside at school next morning. Love calling Dawn.

Love love love.

Happy day.

(no subject)

Love that Darkside can spend 7 1/3 hours in the same room with Votania and not pull anything weird, and not angst, not even invisibly where I can feel it.

Love.

Wish for, receive.

Wished this morning that Darkside and I would have the opportunity to wrestle with less interference. We did. It was great. We both were pushing ourselves and each other hard enough to become dripping and sticky and exhausted, and I want to do that again. It started out as a pillowfight, and escalated. I can't remember how long it lasted. It had to have been over by three, though. Perhaps it was over by two.

It's just so great to get physically tangled up with Darkside, even knowing that nothing's going to happen other than wrestling and bopping with pillows. It's secure. It's comforting. It's exhilarating. It's painful.

Fortunately for our reputations, Votania ran out of film before the wrestling really started to take off. She says she'll have to "see what develops".

This should be fun.

Next time Darkside comes over, I don't expect to be tangled up with him to quite that level at all. It's just been so long since we've had a proper spar that when I am let loose at him in an informal situation with relaxed code of conduct, I wrap myself around him and don't have an easy time of letting go. To be quite honest, I was reminded of the sex that a loving couple has after being left too long apart: enthusiastic, barely-controlled, very physical, very demanding and needing.

We had the high level of physical contact. My body's beginnng to believe that he isn't hiding secret passions for me, as he doesn't always gravitate towards me when left aimless. He still gravitates towards Votania, but her planet's pull is waning from his influences; he is only slightly tugged in her direction; he almost navigates freely now, and is without the painful avoidance. But there was the touching, today, and we pressed body against body, strained muscle to muscle, clasped and pushed and grasped and pulled and twisted and stretched, all still while in our clothes, guiding our hands away from each other's crotches, his hands not touching my breasts. The wonderful warm feel of him seeped into me, wrestling, sitting next to each other just barely brushing arms on the couch, lying with my head resting on the pillow in his lap afterwards. He's so very very warm.

What happened today:

Went to school. Had fun. Taught Bird the difference between mutagens & teratogens. Sometimes, I swear, it feels like I'm the one teaching this science class. Mutagens may or may not visibly mess you up, but they'll completely mess with your kids, and their kids, unto the seventh generation or more. Teratogens may or may not mess with you, but they severely mess with your kids, but your grandkids may escape unscathed. Quaddies are muties, but Miles' children will be perfectly normal.

Speech class was ... interesting. No, Bob, your suggestion that we drop acid before giving our presentation on Pink Floyd is disrespectful to not only our learning process, but to the sacred nature of the drug. You want us to do that IN PUBLIC, where anything can get into our fried brains? Besides that, I've got that phobia, and that distaste for leaving my mind chemically that wide open, and I've already been dragged on Shawn's bad trip. No thanks.

Darkside had a senior type meeting, and found that he still had DeVry bills to pay. Evidently, our trip to the Financial Aid office disclosed, they'd sent out the refund checks, but had neglected to allow for books. We headed for his car, but stopped upon finding someone's school ID, which we picked up and delivered to Student Services.

Your ID card is a very vital thing for DeVry. We have bar-coded attendance machines, which fulfil the government loan requirement of knowing that we are in class actually learning what they're paying for. The student ID is the vector of the necessary bar code. Darkside's quip was: "You know, the first thing he's going to say when he discovers it's missing is 'Who swiped my card?'!" We giggled.

Darkside had intended to stay only a few minutes, but Nephew wanted to watch Spiderman. So we all sat down and watched the cheesy cartoons together. There was commentary. Votania and I hit each other with pillows. After the movie ended, before we knew it, a full-fledged pillowfight had broken out, complete with wrestling and the removal of glasses. Darkside had made some noises about leaving in there somewhere, but he failed to, and when he started to think about leaving again, Neighbor came over with his brand new game for the PS2: Kingdom Hearts, I think it was called, the FF/Disney crossover. There is a Cid!! Darkside made more noises about leaving here and there. When Neighbor came in, and it became evident that no one was leaving, we directed his attention again to the leftover ready-made pizza that Votania had prepared for lunch. That disappeared in short order.

I got an incredible headache. Darkside does not take kindly to being used as a pillow. He wasn't feeling very huggy. I took decongestants and curled up next to him, finally.

When my headache went away (I did get some sleep, curled up with my head on a pillow in Darkside's lap) I made pizza. By this time, it was hitting six or so, and Darkside wanted to avoid rush hour traffic. He stayed. He left around 7:20, having gotten here about noon. Pizza came out of the oven twenty minutes later. I called Dawn and invited her; she'd already eaten.

Votania snagged a slice, then went to bed. She's getting up early tomorrow morning to take Nephew to school, as usual. She liked my pizza. I'm glad.

I started laundry. Neighbor left with his game. I chatted with the maintainence ladies and got my laundry. The silver dragon druid guy called; I let him know that Votania was already asleep, and that she usually crashes out by nine these days on weeknights. He hadn't known.

It's now bedtime. I'm tired.

I love Darkside.