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Sep. 26th, 2002
Anyone who poisons pets should die the same way. My favorite humor columnist lost her beloved cat last night. She's pissed. So, by extension, am I.
...I miss my Aurora, who probably ate a mushroom she shouldn't have. I miss my Salix, one of the sweetest birds in the world. I miss my Calico.
...I miss my Aurora, who probably ate a mushroom she shouldn't have. I miss my Salix, one of the sweetest birds in the world. I miss my Calico.
Darkside Blues
Sep. 26th, 2002 10:17 am![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ralmathon vanquished Darkside twice yesterday, with repeated attacks to the hand. ( Do you even want to know? )
Links of the Day:
Sep. 26th, 2002 10:24 amhttp://atomfilms.shockwave.com/af/content/trooper_clerks -- I haven't watched it yet, being at school. We'll see how it is. It seems to involve Maul, though.
http://www.theonion.com/onion3835/zombie_nutritionist.html -- for the gamer. Will share with Darkside. Mmm. Braaaaaains.
Hee.
Loving life; hating the bum knee.
http://www.theonion.com/onion3835/zombie_nutritionist.html -- for the gamer. Will share with Darkside. Mmm. Braaaaaains.
Hee.
Loving life; hating the bum knee.
Evidently, evealone is going to start calling me Ryoko, and perhaps start calling Darkside Tenchi. But no, he said, that wouldn't work. He began searching around for other anime universes that would fit the bizarre situation Darkside and I find ourselves in. He eventually lit on Marmalade Boy, a series I've only seen the one episode from.
It remains to be seen whether he'll ever use these nicknames in front of Darkside.
evealone is going to start calling me Ryoko, and perhaps start calling Darkside Tenchi. But no, he said, that wouldn't work. He began searching around for other anime universes that would fit the bizarre situation Darkside and I find ourselves in. He eventually lit on Marmalade Boy, a series I've only seen the one episode from. It remains to be seen whether he'll ever use these nicknames in front of Darkside.
(inspired by an entry of wolfieboy's)
So why do I post about my silly daily activities, when I'm going to be re-reading this journal in years to come?
I date the things that happen in my life by events, and when they happen in relation to them. I can remember that on the day that I had X lifechanging experience, y and z also happened, but I couldn't pin it down to the calendar other than a season, perhaps. But I know that it happened before n, but after q.
As silly as they may look, my day-to-day events, the things I consider normal and everyday, say a lot about me and my mental state. What do I do every day? What do I think about classes, about my friends, about my beloveds? How many of me are there in here? What are their names? Who do I talk to? What do I read? (at the moment, LotR: The Two Towers, Dracula, and I'm contemplating the outside cover of Norman Mailer's The Naked and the Dead (I think that's the title...)) How do I dress? What have I been saying to my mother?
These are all the things that make me who I am. That changes, day to day, and over time as well. In order to have any of my deep thoughts or sudden epiphanies make sense, I need to know who I was when I thought them, or experienced life-changing events.
There's far too much going on in my mind for me to process at one time; when it's happening, I'm too busy happening in it to go into the necessary depth of analysis that I need to do to bits of my life to keep myself sane within them. This, first and foremost, is a journal for me. In order to figure out my life, I need to remember it, as near to all of it as I can.
One of my not-so-secret terrors is the loss of my mind. The loss of my intellectual facilities is the first and foremost fear, but as a very close second place comes the loss of my memory, the forgetting of who I am, and more importantly, why. Simon Illyan's predicament in Memory terrifies me. Cryo-amnesia, from Mirror Dance, terrified me. A people who do not know history are doomed to repeat it; a person who cannot remember their own history may face a similar problem.
I'm no longer quite so scared of memory loss as I was, actually. I lose bits of things from school all the time. It's normal, and not a problem. One of the deepest roots of the terror of memory loss is the not remembering the people I love. But if I should lose my memory, yet remain myself, would it not logically follow that I regain some of the loved ones that I don't remember? If it was their better personal qualities that drew me towards them and made me care for them, if they are still the same essential people who I loved, and they still care for me, I should learn to come to love them again. We would not have the same history together, the new self and them, but we would still be friends. They could connect me to the person who I was.
wolfieboy's) So why do I post about my silly daily activities, when I'm going to be re-reading this journal in years to come?
I date the things that happen in my life by events, and when they happen in relation to them. I can remember that on the day that I had X lifechanging experience, y and z also happened, but I couldn't pin it down to the calendar other than a season, perhaps. But I know that it happened before n, but after q.
As silly as they may look, my day-to-day events, the things I consider normal and everyday, say a lot about me and my mental state. What do I do every day? What do I think about classes, about my friends, about my beloveds? How many of me are there in here? What are their names? Who do I talk to? What do I read? (at the moment, LotR: The Two Towers, Dracula, and I'm contemplating the outside cover of Norman Mailer's The Naked and the Dead (I think that's the title...)) How do I dress? What have I been saying to my mother?
These are all the things that make me who I am. That changes, day to day, and over time as well. In order to have any of my deep thoughts or sudden epiphanies make sense, I need to know who I was when I thought them, or experienced life-changing events.
There's far too much going on in my mind for me to process at one time; when it's happening, I'm too busy happening in it to go into the necessary depth of analysis that I need to do to bits of my life to keep myself sane within them. This, first and foremost, is a journal for me. In order to figure out my life, I need to remember it, as near to all of it as I can.
One of my not-so-secret terrors is the loss of my mind. The loss of my intellectual facilities is the first and foremost fear, but as a very close second place comes the loss of my memory, the forgetting of who I am, and more importantly, why. Simon Illyan's predicament in Memory terrifies me. Cryo-amnesia, from Mirror Dance, terrified me. A people who do not know history are doomed to repeat it; a person who cannot remember their own history may face a similar problem.
I'm no longer quite so scared of memory loss as I was, actually. I lose bits of things from school all the time. It's normal, and not a problem. One of the deepest roots of the terror of memory loss is the not remembering the people I love. But if I should lose my memory, yet remain myself, would it not logically follow that I regain some of the loved ones that I don't remember? If it was their better personal qualities that drew me towards them and made me care for them, if they are still the same essential people who I loved, and they still care for me, I should learn to come to love them again. We would not have the same history together, the new self and them, but we would still be friends. They could connect me to the person who I was.
Depression, dealing with
Sep. 26th, 2002 11:01 pmIf I'm depressed, tell me to wash and brush my hair.
If you're not sure how I'm feeling, look at my hair. The shinier, generally the happier. Hair that's been disarranged from recent exercise and there hasn't been opportunity to brush it is exempt from the rules. Hair being down tends to be a better sign than hair up.
If you're not sure how I'm feeling, look at my hair. The shinier, generally the happier. Hair that's been disarranged from recent exercise and there hasn't been opportunity to brush it is exempt from the rules. Hair being down tends to be a better sign than hair up.
Analyses, disturbing.
Sep. 26th, 2002 11:42 pmRan the concept of perhaps Darkside foregoing even the passive pursuit of a relationship not because of leftover formerly requited affection for votania, but because of regard for my friendship, past Votania. She did the double-take that means that I'm onto something there. It checks out with what she knows of him.
Darkside's got my number.
It is very fitting with him, psychologically, to be not interested in getting into a relationship because he knows that if he were to start dating, it would alienate a friend. If I were to say that he was wrong, I'd be lying, and he knows it. Him skipping over me to date, to date someone he knows half as well and is not so close friends with, would be unthinkable, from either perspective. I don't think he would be able to date someone he isn't close to, and I do not know of any women who he is close to, currently. ...But then, Darkside has a very compartmentalized life, and though I'm close, I don't hear much about his class group, or about work, or about home...
The thought of him shutting me out makes me want to cry. He closes so many parts of himself off from so many people. Because he operates this way, I'm afraid that if he gets a girlfriend, he will not leave the part of his life that she's in open to me, and that more and more of his life will go into the parts that are closed off; that he will gently and firmly take himself out of the parts of his life that are accessible to me, leaving me holding only the ghost of what used to be his wrist.
I evidently still have abandonment issues.
votania, but because of regard for my friendship, past Votania. She did the double-take that means that I'm onto something there. It checks out with what she knows of him. Darkside's got my number.
It is very fitting with him, psychologically, to be not interested in getting into a relationship because he knows that if he were to start dating, it would alienate a friend. If I were to say that he was wrong, I'd be lying, and he knows it. Him skipping over me to date, to date someone he knows half as well and is not so close friends with, would be unthinkable, from either perspective. I don't think he would be able to date someone he isn't close to, and I do not know of any women who he is close to, currently. ...But then, Darkside has a very compartmentalized life, and though I'm close, I don't hear much about his class group, or about work, or about home...
The thought of him shutting me out makes me want to cry. He closes so many parts of himself off from so many people. Because he operates this way, I'm afraid that if he gets a girlfriend, he will not leave the part of his life that she's in open to me, and that more and more of his life will go into the parts that are closed off; that he will gently and firmly take himself out of the parts of his life that are accessible to me, leaving me holding only the ghost of what used to be his wrist.
I evidently still have abandonment issues.
Amusing...
Sep. 26th, 2002 11:46 pmPeople's reactions to trauma vary widely. Yesterday when Darkside and ralmathon were over, I was tidying the kitchen when I spotted a drop of something deep pink on the counter. I had a sudden shuddering wave of panic, and then it passed, and I was able to keep sponging down the counter, and got the drop of strawberry milk wiped up.
I have evidently developed a case of fuschiaphobia: a fear of the color deep pink.
I know exactly where it comes from, of course. I explained the convoluted chains of logic to Votania, who got it, and decided that she was going to need to decorate the Temple in pink so that I could get over it. Darkside wants to find a pink rug to give us.
I love my friends.
ralmathon were over, I was tidying the kitchen when I spotted a drop of something deep pink on the counter. I had a sudden shuddering wave of panic, and then it passed, and I was able to keep sponging down the counter, and got the drop of strawberry milk wiped up. I have evidently developed a case of fuschiaphobia: a fear of the color deep pink.
I know exactly where it comes from, of course. I explained the convoluted chains of logic to Votania, who got it, and decided that she was going to need to decorate the Temple in pink so that I could get over it. Darkside wants to find a pink rug to give us.
I love my friends.