LJ deprivation sets in hard

Interests...

marxdarx, votania, shammash, and I all like Dr. Who.

shammash is perched on the arm of the couch, eyes quietly glued to the screen...

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Men...

Went grocery shopping. Saw digitalambience and teased the hell out of him for an hour, with the aid of two of his co-workers and a random person I don't know who also delights in teasing him. Many mentions of his notional webcam site were made, along with jokes about Larry and Sparky. A straight man saying "He's too big!" about reasons for not being interested in a guy friend don't usually interpret immediately as Larry being way overweight...

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GOD! FUCK! GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT! DAMMIT!!

Another ddos attack on LJ. Spamwitted fuckheaded nasty pimplemouthed assbreathing sons of puffin dingoes!!

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Attack of the filking

( Original lyrics )

( And now, for some (unfinished, probably not finished for days if not months, but hey) hacking... )

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Damn cats.

Screen door fell off again. shammash was about to make a run for it when votania got back with her laundry. Then she couldn't find Eris...

After much angst and drama, we discovered the little grey bitch camped out in my room under the overhanging bit of mattress she likes to camp under.

Woo, community pimpage

Say hello to lmbujold, the LJ complement to the List. For those unfamiliar, that's the Official Lois McMaster Bujold Discussion List, archives at http://www.dendarii.com; I've been subscribed since 1996 or 1997, off and on nomail. You would know me as JL, shadow_rose@hotmail.com from there.

More community pimpage

There is now shadesong_nexus, for those people who are friends or LJ friends of shadesong.

Amusing, eh?

Administrative: hellos and goodbyes

Hello to nnnslogan, who I added back. Hello to misterp78. Goodbye to technoshaman.

Am I going to need a community like shadesong_nexus for myself one of these days? Somehow I doubt it. I don't quite inspire the same sort of communal attitude as 'Song does.

Mmmm, drool.

I am so going to make this someday...

Not sinking...

When we first moved into this apartment complex, Little Fayoumis and I went swimming a lot. First he didn't know how to swim. He gradually learned.

While he was learning, though, he wasn't so good at it. He went under, once, and swallowed water. I was right next to him, and I saw him, and I yanked him right out before he had time to be more than startled and a little scared, and I made sure he was OK, and he went right back to learning how to swim, because I hadn't panicked...

I don't think he'll ever know, until he reads this, how close he came to drowning.

And this'll be it...

Off for my final final of the tri now! Systems Analysis with Demland. And it's raining.

The only down note to this excellent day is that I didn't get through to Darkside...

Wheee! All done! (well, almost) and housework

My duckies, all but for a few, are sitting happily in a row. I have to go in on Friday morning and fight with my schedule some more. Whee. I came in tonight after office hours for Diane M. (dean), and that means that since today is the Last Day of Registration, that funky kewl weirdness will be going down Friday morning. Which chews up that whole day.

Cleaned house some today, reinforcing votania's Shiru effect over her days off. Little Fayoumis vacuumed. These days, all you have to do is supervise him putting the plug in the wall outlet, and then give him his penny for successful work-completed when done... maybe get a few problem spots and clear off the floor... but he's getting good.

Am trying to maintain a clean sink. That gets pretty well trashed when people are home, but I can damn well try...

Family, brains

What does it say about my family when sometimes I feel like the cute but dumb one?

Thoughts

iroshi's old entries, backdated, from before she started her LJ. Interesting read, that.

I'm coming to realize just how much of my LJ is performance art. I write, have always written, my journals knowing that someone will be reading them in the future. I always thought it would be my kids.

I've been uncertain about the idea of having kids ever since I hit puberty and my father's temper. God damn, that guy can be one freaky experience. He's strong and he's Powerful, and having a barely controlled mage-rage aimed in your direction is not a fun thing to live through. Not once, let alone many times throughout childhood.

(I'm still horribly proud of putting a lid on that.)

I'm feeling ambiguous about kids. I do and I don't want any. Right now, Little Fayoumis is almost enough to satisfy my need for motherhood: I take care of him regularly, have strong input into his upbringing... but when the day's done, he's still not mine. I could, theoretically, bid farewell to templeravenmoon at any time, and not be legally obligated to pay child support. (I would feel morally obligated to do so, but that's another story.) I love him and he loves me, but I'm not his mother, I never will be, and I don't want to be. I get a total kick out of contributing to his education and being strong in votania and marxdarx's weak areas, but where maternal love and patience come in, I have a sad lack. I still doubt my ability to take care of a child full-time by myself.

I'm still a slacker. Yes, I do things, but I procrastinate. This year has been one of the most amazingly together years I've had. My GPA is likely around 2.5 by now, but hell, I'm still there. I haven't dropped out. I have let my grades fall, I have slacked on assignments... but I'm not giving up this time.

At last check, my Tarot card was Strength. I think of myself as both physically and mentally weak compared to who I should be, but people around me compare me against themselves and think of me as both mentally and physically strong.

I'm self-destructive at times; at other, rarer, times, I'm just barely on the passive side of suicidal.

I have a difficult time caring about people without a strong connection. Indifference is more deadly than hate. I care how River is doing. I care about my family. I care about votania and the Little Fayoumis. I don't have that strong of a connection with marxdarx; he's around, so I care about him. That's a friendship that needs constant renewing, or it fades out painlessly.

I care about Darkside. Gods. I care about him far more than I do many people. It's getting easier, without him every day by me. He's one of the people I'll care about past death.

I care about iroshi and sithjawa. There's a connection there. Two connections. Different kinds of connections. ;) I care somewhat about all my LJ friends; either that, or they have interesting writing. I cycle my friends list, and keep the people who are interesting, and the people who I care about. People who I keep for a while, then delete are likely good, fine, nice people, and I would probably leave them on my friends list if I were to get to know them in person... or not.

...I do that with IRL friends, too. For a while, I'll get friendly with a new person... and then they'll fade out. wiredferret had something on that in her journal a while back. Another fade-out friendship; she's still interesting, and she's busy, and I post a lot... understandable that I'd leave her friends list. No hard feelings. A minor twinge, that our worldviews have such gaping differences...

Phone with Darkside

( Read more... )

Freewill

( Read more... )

Circles

It feels like I'm meeting more of the people I'm supposed to be meeting. iroshi. sithjawa. nalidoll. gremliness. And they're meeting each other, in places.

And it's Working.

What, exactly, I'm not sure. But it does.