![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Aug. 6th, 2004
Day:
Sleep, LJ/e-mail, plasma, writing group, dinner, home, more room-cleaning, more computer, chattage, shower, fic, bed.
Life: Still coming to terms with that whole "abuse" thing and what it means in my head. I am going to be going off about that for quite some time, as I'm struggling to actually accept it and remember it. At about this time last year, I'd mentioned it in passing, but the click failed to be made. This has happened before with other crucial concepts, such as my bisexuality. I was lusting after Tay-tay's violin teacher (the young and cute one) years before I realized that OMG, I liked girls too! Ditto with my crush on Galadriel, and my exploration in the dictionary to find out what "bisexual" really meant, anyway. I may have been as young as ten when I sort of failed to notice that I liked Galadriel sort of like I'd like a boy only not quite. I was almost fifteen by the time I connected the dots and saw the whole picture... Similarly, I skated around the abuse issue for almost eight years now.
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
freshstartwrite is going to be reorganizing under new management. The ASU prof who was running the group has got her hands full, and can't teach *another* class, plus, her skillz are better applied more personally and directly. So... things. I'm eyeboggling at the concept of all this... Gotta collect up my writing exercises, if slowly...
Darkside was dissected in absentia by the usual crowd and found young. *grins* Silly boy.
There may or may not be clubbing in my future, depending on scheduling.
Cats are soft.
Bishounen (the blond type especially) are cute.
Re-reading my journal from last year proceeds apace.
Sleep, LJ/e-mail, plasma, writing group, dinner, home, more room-cleaning, more computer, chattage, shower, fic, bed.
Life: Still coming to terms with that whole "abuse" thing and what it means in my head. I am going to be going off about that for quite some time, as I'm struggling to actually accept it and remember it. At about this time last year, I'd mentioned it in passing, but the click failed to be made. This has happened before with other crucial concepts, such as my bisexuality. I was lusting after Tay-tay's violin teacher (the young and cute one) years before I realized that OMG, I liked girls too! Ditto with my crush on Galadriel, and my exploration in the dictionary to find out what "bisexual" really meant, anyway. I may have been as young as ten when I sort of failed to notice that I liked Galadriel sort of like I'd like a boy only not quite. I was almost fifteen by the time I connected the dots and saw the whole picture... Similarly, I skated around the abuse issue for almost eight years now.
freshstartwrite is going to be reorganizing under new management. The ASU prof who was running the group has got her hands full, and can't teach *another* class, plus, her skillz are better applied more personally and directly. So... things. I'm eyeboggling at the concept of all this... Gotta collect up my writing exercises, if slowly... Darkside was dissected in absentia by the usual crowd and found young. *grins* Silly boy.
There may or may not be clubbing in my future, depending on scheduling.
Cats are soft.
Bishounen (the blond type especially) are cute.
Re-reading my journal from last year proceeds apace.
Dreamed that I was living in a dorm room with That Idiot Shawn, only he wasn't quite That Idiot Shawn. After many adventures in near-communication, it was revealed that he was a very AU blend of Darkside and Shawn -- not entirely dangerous, but not entirely safe either.
So it winds up, in the waking world, that I shouldn't worry so much about potentially falling for Mr. Idiot again. The dream laid it out very plainly: those features of Shawn's that are both attractive and dangerous are present, in Darkside, in a non-dangerous form. Shawn has a high level of focus on projects that are important to him, and is angry if disturbed. Darkside has a high level of focus on projects that are important to him, and will put them aside if there is something wrong. Darkside isn't, objectively speaking, safe, but since he is an honorable man and knows many of his own potential shortcomings and works around them, and I know them too and know how to get around them, he's safe for me. It doesn't hurt that he's fairly focused on making sure to keep me safe...
So it winds up, in the waking world, that I shouldn't worry so much about potentially falling for Mr. Idiot again. The dream laid it out very plainly: those features of Shawn's that are both attractive and dangerous are present, in Darkside, in a non-dangerous form. Shawn has a high level of focus on projects that are important to him, and is angry if disturbed. Darkside has a high level of focus on projects that are important to him, and will put them aside if there is something wrong. Darkside isn't, objectively speaking, safe, but since he is an honorable man and knows many of his own potential shortcomings and works around them, and I know them too and know how to get around them, he's safe for me. It doesn't hurt that he's fairly focused on making sure to keep me safe...