(no subject)
Jul. 24th, 1996 12:00 amJuly 24, 1996
Every time I meet an A* about the right age, I am going to wonder if she was the A* that Shawn rescued. I wonder if she’s even going to remember what he told her about himself. How did she react, I wonder? I’d like the chance to have a talk with her, the chance to learn what she thought, what she remembers…I’d like to see if the sight of her would bring back his memories. Dear Goddess, I have to be half-crazy at least if I am to go searching about in my mind and the minds of others for something that will bring the memories of my beloved Shawn back. But I don’t want to hurt him. I know that if I get too nosy, it may not be a wonderful thing for him. He is the only person who could have told me.
Of course, I could have figured out that something was strange about him on my own. Yes, in fact that’s what I did. He acted rather odd whenever certain things were mentioned, he never talked about his past, and some of his stories didn’t quite add up. And then, when he began not remembering, that was the final straw, and it would certainly account for some of my hysteria.
The Lady E wrote down the lyrics to a song by Madonna. “Justify My Love.” It fits what I feel for Shawn, exactly. I can’t tell that to the Lady E, of course, because that would get me into the most serious trouble of my life. But I do love him, I do love her, I love both of them! I just have to be quite careful what I say and what I don’t say around her. If she ever caught wind of how serious this is about Shawn before she was supposed to…not a good idea, believe me, dear.
I love him and if I lose him, I’m in deep trouble. If I lose her, I’m going to not have a good time of it. I wrote about the problems last night.
I miss both of them.
I think I’ll keep my decision to myself until Shawn comes back, that way nothing’s irrevokable.
Every time I meet an A* about the right age, I am going to wonder if she was the A* that Shawn rescued. I wonder if she’s even going to remember what he told her about himself. How did she react, I wonder? I’d like the chance to have a talk with her, the chance to learn what she thought, what she remembers…I’d like to see if the sight of her would bring back his memories. Dear Goddess, I have to be half-crazy at least if I am to go searching about in my mind and the minds of others for something that will bring the memories of my beloved Shawn back. But I don’t want to hurt him. I know that if I get too nosy, it may not be a wonderful thing for him. He is the only person who could have told me.
Of course, I could have figured out that something was strange about him on my own. Yes, in fact that’s what I did. He acted rather odd whenever certain things were mentioned, he never talked about his past, and some of his stories didn’t quite add up. And then, when he began not remembering, that was the final straw, and it would certainly account for some of my hysteria.
The Lady E wrote down the lyrics to a song by Madonna. “Justify My Love.” It fits what I feel for Shawn, exactly. I can’t tell that to the Lady E, of course, because that would get me into the most serious trouble of my life. But I do love him, I do love her, I love both of them! I just have to be quite careful what I say and what I don’t say around her. If she ever caught wind of how serious this is about Shawn before she was supposed to…not a good idea, believe me, dear.
I love him and if I lose him, I’m in deep trouble. If I lose her, I’m going to not have a good time of it. I wrote about the problems last night.
I miss both of them.
I think I’ll keep my decision to myself until Shawn comes back, that way nothing’s irrevokable.