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May. 12th, 1997 06:35 amMonday, May 12, 1997 06:35
I was up too late last night writing, just babbling really, in one of my on-paper in-pen journals. I hate writing in journal with pencil — I used to love it, only then I tried to go back and read it … the microscopic writing that I favored at the time tended to make it illegible.
I’m definitely not well. I went to sleep having trouble breathing, and I woke up the same way. I feel absolutely awful, and I can’t spell. My spelling has been getting progressively worse for a while -- not just my spelling, but my typing as well. I’m getting lazy and klutzy. Two typos in that one word just there -- three in this sentence so far, and my typical spelling -- s e n t a n c e for that last word. I feel horrible.
Must print out for the convenience of the Shoulder Being. Nice name, Kimmie. I like it. No energy, but I’ll scrape up a little to feed the constant project. I can’t get better if I don’t have any energy of my own to spare, but I’ll make it so. I’ll have to. If he’s okay and continues to be so, that’s more important to me than being in perfect 100% health. …I feel like hell though. I’m about to pitch forward onto my face and wipe out, which is not a happy thing, let me assure thee. I’m going to be effectively dead today, which may cause some difficulty in class. Maybe I should stay at home…only I have things to do today, like get this all-important project to the prying eyes of guess who who, who wants to read what I have to say about him in general, to help him restore his shitty memories to their former glory, recall the little things in his life. I haven’t been paying too much attention to some of those things lately.
The stuff with Erin has been amusing. He’s been trying to get her to say yes to him. To going out with him, although he did reveal that he was quite surprised (and no little scared) when he though she had said yes to him! He’s going after her no little the way I’m going after him.
And exactly how much of what he said to JoshC was the truth? I’m not going to even lower myself to speculating, but I know exactly the disgusted expression his face would get should I so lower myself. “Forget it, Joan.” Right? So did I predict you again? And yes, I have given up on actively trying to get you to go out with me … but I am, however, a woman of infinite patience when it comes to something I’m trying to get that I’ll still want in the future … so we’ll see who wins this particular game of hard-to-get. Oh, so you’re not playing hard-to-get, but are genuinely uninterested in me except as a friend? (Shanna, don’t even go into the subject of how JoshC and I were “just being friends” on Mayday when we were hanging around together on campus…) Well, I’m genuinely interested in you, both as a friend (and the gods know that there are many ways to just be friends … like Dana, that friend of Kim’s who’s “just friends, really we are!” skinny-dipping with two guys at once … hey, I’m not going to question the habits of friends of friends, especially as Emily and I would have plotted to put Josh in a similar situation … now Dana and one of her “just friends!” are going to the prom together as “just friends” and they’ll probably go off and park somewhere before finally getting Dana home) and as a female-interested-in-male. I can’t deny that I’m infatuated with you, but I guess in my mind your status as my best friend overrides that. I don’t know. I’m sick and confused and have to print this crud before getting on the bus, assuming the rest of my lousy family is also prepared for me to get on the bus. (Collapses in exhaustion and doesn’t get to go to school).
I was up too late last night writing, just babbling really, in one of my on-paper in-pen journals. I hate writing in journal with pencil — I used to love it, only then I tried to go back and read it … the microscopic writing that I favored at the time tended to make it illegible.
I’m definitely not well. I went to sleep having trouble breathing, and I woke up the same way. I feel absolutely awful, and I can’t spell. My spelling has been getting progressively worse for a while -- not just my spelling, but my typing as well. I’m getting lazy and klutzy. Two typos in that one word just there -- three in this sentence so far, and my typical spelling -- s e n t a n c e for that last word. I feel horrible.
Must print out for the convenience of the Shoulder Being. Nice name, Kimmie. I like it. No energy, but I’ll scrape up a little to feed the constant project. I can’t get better if I don’t have any energy of my own to spare, but I’ll make it so. I’ll have to. If he’s okay and continues to be so, that’s more important to me than being in perfect 100% health. …I feel like hell though. I’m about to pitch forward onto my face and wipe out, which is not a happy thing, let me assure thee. I’m going to be effectively dead today, which may cause some difficulty in class. Maybe I should stay at home…only I have things to do today, like get this all-important project to the prying eyes of guess who who, who wants to read what I have to say about him in general, to help him restore his shitty memories to their former glory, recall the little things in his life. I haven’t been paying too much attention to some of those things lately.
The stuff with Erin has been amusing. He’s been trying to get her to say yes to him. To going out with him, although he did reveal that he was quite surprised (and no little scared) when he though she had said yes to him! He’s going after her no little the way I’m going after him.
And exactly how much of what he said to JoshC was the truth? I’m not going to even lower myself to speculating, but I know exactly the disgusted expression his face would get should I so lower myself. “Forget it, Joan.” Right? So did I predict you again? And yes, I have given up on actively trying to get you to go out with me … but I am, however, a woman of infinite patience when it comes to something I’m trying to get that I’ll still want in the future … so we’ll see who wins this particular game of hard-to-get. Oh, so you’re not playing hard-to-get, but are genuinely uninterested in me except as a friend? (Shanna, don’t even go into the subject of how JoshC and I were “just being friends” on Mayday when we were hanging around together on campus…) Well, I’m genuinely interested in you, both as a friend (and the gods know that there are many ways to just be friends … like Dana, that friend of Kim’s who’s “just friends, really we are!” skinny-dipping with two guys at once … hey, I’m not going to question the habits of friends of friends, especially as Emily and I would have plotted to put Josh in a similar situation … now Dana and one of her “just friends!” are going to the prom together as “just friends” and they’ll probably go off and park somewhere before finally getting Dana home) and as a female-interested-in-male. I can’t deny that I’m infatuated with you, but I guess in my mind your status as my best friend overrides that. I don’t know. I’m sick and confused and have to print this crud before getting on the bus, assuming the rest of my lousy family is also prepared for me to get on the bus. (Collapses in exhaustion and doesn’t get to go to school).
