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Jan. 2nd, 1998 10:33 am980102.1033, Fri
Waking up later and later. Was up too late for New Year’s. I exploded to both Kim and Shawn. I can’t consider Shawn a potential mate yet. He needs to learn some lessons. If I consider him that now, it’s going to be like injecting him with poison. I can’t let myself do that. Therefore, I must bide my time before I can even think about biding my time. He’s still not trained yet, even though he says that I’ve already trained him. *sigh* I’ve trained him to excuse himself when he burps. I now use him as an example for the little neighbor kids, telling them that Shawn excuses himself when he burps, so they had darn well better excuse themselves. I told them the cautionary story of Little Mikey, Hazlett’s little brother, who burped loudly and on purpose, and got beaten up. He always gets beaten up. Not very roughly, except when DC's involved, but…it’s still a form of picking on the freshman.
I went to the library on New Year’s Eve, and I finally got The Monkey Wrench Gang, the book that Shawn, Ben, and Chris had recommended. I haven’t gotten to read it yet, however, because I set it down on the table for five minutes while I snarfed chips (which are a rare occurance in this household, and I wanted to get my share, and I didn’t want to get the grease on the book), and my father picked it up, then started reading and eating chips as well! I was annoyed, but read Storm Breaking instead; I hadn’t been fool enough to get only one book from the library.
The party I was allowed to go to. However, it was somewhat of a disappointment. It would have been a perfect success if only Shawn had been happy the entire time. Shawn was upset about DC not being there. River was surprised to hear that I could only be happy when I knew that Shawn was happy too. River had seen me sad and wanted to know why. One of the reasons was the song "Always", which I love…but it makes me think of things I’m not always comfortable thinking about in public. Shawn. To quote Bujold, "Still. Always." Miles and Elena. Still. Always. He still loves Anna. I think Anna’s very pretty.
I wonder what would have happened if I’d never met Shawn. I don’t want to think about it; Shawn’s right: it’s too alien to think about. He’s part of my life as inextricably as I’m part of his, and it’s always going to be that way.
It’s not time to play hard-to-get. It’s time to be hard-to-get. Either River or being a lesbian for a while. Or Matt. But he’s fifteen. So? So’s Joshian-haired Mike. So? I don’t know. I’m strange. I get to call River again today, because River asked me to! That’s a cool thing.
When Shawn was thinking about his own butt, I was trying very hard not to tell him that he has a very nice butt, and I know, because grabbability is one of the things on the list of criteria, and that it is, and I know this firsthand, from River's last party. I was trying to dance, and his butt was in the way!
I made up a list of New Year’s Resolutions this year. One of those things that one must not neglect in the proper performance of one’s duty…and I needed to do this. Notice how the drum sound…okay, enough Bugs Potter. Notice how Shawn’s name appears and re-appears. Some of the items are joking. Some are most definitely not. All of them are carefully phrased so others may read the list without danger.
Joanie’s New Year’s Resolutions for 1998
Shawn scoffs at my chances of attaining the first one. I have ways of pissing him off that he may not show, I guess. Just like he gets me incredibly mad without his ever learning of it.
I’m going to be like BJ for a while: the perfect computer who says everything or nothing. I’m not going to save up venom; that would be giving him poison. But I am going to save up arguments until he asks me for my opinion. Then he’s going to get it. He’s going to get raw, uncensored opinion. That itself may be toxic, but he asked for it.
Waking up later and later. Was up too late for New Year’s. I exploded to both Kim and Shawn. I can’t consider Shawn a potential mate yet. He needs to learn some lessons. If I consider him that now, it’s going to be like injecting him with poison. I can’t let myself do that. Therefore, I must bide my time before I can even think about biding my time. He’s still not trained yet, even though he says that I’ve already trained him. *sigh* I’ve trained him to excuse himself when he burps. I now use him as an example for the little neighbor kids, telling them that Shawn excuses himself when he burps, so they had darn well better excuse themselves. I told them the cautionary story of Little Mikey, Hazlett’s little brother, who burped loudly and on purpose, and got beaten up. He always gets beaten up. Not very roughly, except when DC's involved, but…it’s still a form of picking on the freshman.
I went to the library on New Year’s Eve, and I finally got The Monkey Wrench Gang, the book that Shawn, Ben, and Chris had recommended. I haven’t gotten to read it yet, however, because I set it down on the table for five minutes while I snarfed chips (which are a rare occurance in this household, and I wanted to get my share, and I didn’t want to get the grease on the book), and my father picked it up, then started reading and eating chips as well! I was annoyed, but read Storm Breaking instead; I hadn’t been fool enough to get only one book from the library.
The party I was allowed to go to. However, it was somewhat of a disappointment. It would have been a perfect success if only Shawn had been happy the entire time. Shawn was upset about DC not being there. River was surprised to hear that I could only be happy when I knew that Shawn was happy too. River had seen me sad and wanted to know why. One of the reasons was the song "Always", which I love…but it makes me think of things I’m not always comfortable thinking about in public. Shawn. To quote Bujold, "Still. Always." Miles and Elena. Still. Always. He still loves Anna. I think Anna’s very pretty.
I wonder what would have happened if I’d never met Shawn. I don’t want to think about it; Shawn’s right: it’s too alien to think about. He’s part of my life as inextricably as I’m part of his, and it’s always going to be that way.
It’s not time to play hard-to-get. It’s time to be hard-to-get. Either River or being a lesbian for a while. Or Matt. But he’s fifteen. So? So’s Joshian-haired Mike. So? I don’t know. I’m strange. I get to call River again today, because River asked me to! That’s a cool thing.
When Shawn was thinking about his own butt, I was trying very hard not to tell him that he has a very nice butt, and I know, because grabbability is one of the things on the list of criteria, and that it is, and I know this firsthand, from River's last party. I was trying to dance, and his butt was in the way!
I made up a list of New Year’s Resolutions this year. One of those things that one must not neglect in the proper performance of one’s duty…and I needed to do this. Notice how the drum sound…okay, enough Bugs Potter. Notice how Shawn’s name appears and re-appears. Some of the items are joking. Some are most definitely not. All of them are carefully phrased so others may read the list without danger.
Joanie’s New Year’s Resolutions for 1998
- Don’t get Shawn mad at me. Ever!!!!!
- Learn better ways of managing classmates than babysitting them.
- Allow DC to teach Shawn some lessons
- Teach Shawn respect for women (or apply above).
- Get along with Narcissa.
- Lose weight & get in shape.
- Keep my stuff/room organized.
- Save some money.
- Keep in touch with distant friends.
- Don’t be aggravated by local-Josh-the-twit.
- Tame Shawnlet.
- Keep in touch with Joshling(!)
- Learn to talk to Shawn again.
- Get laid.
- Maintain a caring and stable friendship w/Shawn.
- Draw/paint more.
- Allow realizations of true love.
- Write more poetry.
- Refrain from inflicting poetry on others.
- Write more stories.
- Finish the stories I start!
- Do my schoolwork!
- Practice drawing other faces.
- Shush Shanna silently.
- Learn how to play the guitar.
- We have a sketchbook or three for a reason. Let’s start seeing some creativity!
- Do not get any grade below a C.
- Attain and maintain a 4.0 next semester.
- No More Bad Hair Days!
- Be nicer to squirrels.
- Always stand up for Shawn.
- Write to Gretta.
- Write to Alice.
- Write to *sigh* the Lady E.
- Write to Joshling.
- Keep in touch with local friends.
- Write in my journal. Succinctly telling the events of the day, preferably with less mush.
Shawn scoffs at my chances of attaining the first one. I have ways of pissing him off that he may not show, I guess. Just like he gets me incredibly mad without his ever learning of it.
I’m going to be like BJ for a while: the perfect computer who says everything or nothing. I’m not going to save up venom; that would be giving him poison. But I am going to save up arguments until he asks me for my opinion. Then he’s going to get it. He’s going to get raw, uncensored opinion. That itself may be toxic, but he asked for it.
