tears

The episode "No Need for Ryoko" of Tenchi Universe makes me cry. It's official.

For whatever reason, I identify with her.

internal, external

Back to the usual calm, hassles with work and school. A work mini-crisis every three days or so, a school crisis once every two weeks. The other, less mundane crises are down to a normal level of one a month or fewer. This is a good thing.

Usually, the only arcane things that happen around these parts, in my mindframe, are the daily usual observances, the conversations with the usual friends, the finding of lost things, the communication.... well, rather a lot, to tell the truth, but it's all the small, homey things, the things that make this apartment the Temple it is.

I'm glad it's all settling back to normal.

copy/paste: a comment to ras_sinister

I'm so incredibly glad I'm not you, nor in your situation. I don't think I could maintain that bizarre undeath limbo of the mind without undergoing a collapse of the body to go along with it.

One of the interesting things I've noticed about myself is that at times I attempt to be a psychological mirror of the person I'm interacting with. It gets very lonely without another mind to bounce the thoughts off of, and though I know if you and I were to meet in real life we'd probably piss the hell out of each other, it engages my mind to reflect back at you the things I need to think about more often, so I keep on doing it.

I think the only reason I'm taking your suicidal verbal wanderings so seriously is because the only few times I've had the complete desire to end my own life, I've lacked the physical strength to get up and find a physical means of stopping myself. Scared me completely, afterwards, because normally I do value human life, especially my own. (One of my failings, in your eyes.)

I know I tend to talk to unknown people who carry and read books that I also have interest in. Perhaps I'm just odd, but wearing black is one of the signals I look for that let me know that this person might be interesting to talk to. But then, I'm more attracted to men in trenchcoats than men without trenchcoats, so I'm evidently weird. I know if you were in the same general area that I am, I'd make a standing invitation for a regular Saturday evening bullshit session to you, as Saturday night's my least busy night, all other nights having some form of work or school obligation the next morning. The fact remains that regular in-person conversation between us is geographically unlikely.

So what is it that you like to do for fun, anyway?

I'm pathetic, really. I read my friends page daily, but only tend to respond to your posts when I notice one of your more desperate outbursts. I suppose I'm doing myself a service in doing that, letting the maniac in my head out loose at you, so no one really gets hurt should I keep myself bottled up too tightly...

Sarcastic, overanalytical self-pity. *That's* the tone of mind I'm looking for to describe this. Lately my words, especially in speech, have been coming to me haltingly. I know what I mean, but often I can't find the right words to express it for up to thirty seconds or more at a time. I suspect you, of all people, would know how very much this frightens me.

I suppose much of this would do better posted as a journal entry than a comment, but as you would soon tire of reading the usual inane babblings in my journal if you had me on your friends list, I toss stuff like this your way whenever you spark one of these introspective rambles of mine, and then copy and cross-post to my own journal.

medical

teenagewitch is babysitting, and the little girl has a fever of 102 F. She just called in a panic.

I told her to go put the kid in a cool bath now, and then to look up the local hospital's number and call them for further advice. She can't get ahold of the mother at the moment.

Gods, I'm glad I read that little kid emergency advice sheet my mother used to have taped to the inside of the cupboard door.