Rocket-Cat

Shamash is zooming around the house like there's no tomorrow. Votania says he's in that stage where he's finally realizing exactly what's missing.

The guys are out at a movie now. Pestilence and I actually got along when he was over here, wonder of wonders. I showed Callisto to Bald Guy but did not formally introduce them. Pestilence and Votania got along too. Pestilence and Adam get along like Narcissa and I do, which means exactly like siblings who tease the holy fuck out of each other.

It's so sweet to watch them getting along.

OK, that's it.

Betray yourself, I'm sorry about it, but it's your choice.

Try to convince someone else to betray their own nature.... no. Not happening around me.

I have had enough of your bullshit. Goodbye.

Tonight...

Tonight's the kind of night I really want to talk to Darkside until dawn. I'd like sometime to spend the night in a secluded place out in the wilderness with him, and lie awake looking at the stars, pointing them out to each other, listening to the wind in the trees and the sound of each other's voices, sharing those things that can only be said without clear eye contact, yet with the closest of contact heart to heart.

I'd like to share an Alaska midsummer sunrise with you, old friend, hiding from mosquitos behind netting or with a simple Summon Dragonfly spell, watching the sun set, the twilight loom, and then dawn come again, hours and hours of watching cloud shapes coalesce pink orange gold red grey.... talking about anything under the sun. Anime. Favorite songs, favorite bands.

Time in the cafeteria is somehow not quite the same as time truly alone. Even in the cafeteria early in the morning, there is still the rest of DeVry, watching us, overlooking our silly actions, and we're not free to be who we are to each other. When we're truly alone, though, in your car driving somewhere, you don't have to be the smartass you often are, though you sometimes are anyway, because you want to be.... I don't have to try to be cool, to babble. Sometimes I will. Sometimes, often, I shut up and let you babble, because I've already said much of what I need to say. I don't mind that you have to say some of the same things over and over again. I'm willing to listen to reruns in order to see any new episode, a new and precious glimpse into your mind.

Sometimes, those few times that we ride together, I wish the drive could go on forever, the bustle of traffic outside, unknowing, uncaring; our little pocket of warmth (or cool, depending on the season), us singing along with the radio.... you hunting for the perfect tune... not needing to talk to be together, but talking anyway.

I don't think I could love the party boy, the womanizer, that the Viking thinks all young men should be at some point. I was raised conservative by a Quaker, and hide from crowds. Someone who seeks out large crowds of strangers on a regular to constant basis is utterly alien to me. I far prefer home, and comfortable friends. It used to be that even having the Viking hanging out here would send me to my room, skittish and shy around strangers. I'd love to have Darkside visit here more often. We could hide together. Is it hiding to prefer solitude or the presence of only a few close and dear friends?

I swap opinions midstream. On one hand, I like lots of friendly people, in and out; I love having happy people in the house much of the time, friendly people who don't necessarily belong here for good. On the other hand, I like a place to be by myself with my thoughts. Darkside is good for that; Darkside is the best company to be alone with...

...I could, couldn't I, want to be alone with him forever....

Baa, baa, black sheep...

I would do a historical political analysis of the song to show how the sheep's situation, having three whole bags of wool that she'd grown herself, represented the medieval lower classes, having to give nearly the entire products of their labor to the upper classes and the church, but I really don't have the brainpower at the moment.

College Television Network

They have goddamn-noisy-boxes at my school, turned too blamed loud. Complaining to the administration doesn't work. Let's see if this does....

At CTN, we care! We really do. So much so, that we want to make sure that we get the music YOU like on the air. If you like a song and we are not playing it, we want to know about it! Take a minute to send our program director, Nick Schittone, your request for music we are not playing. It might be a new artist, a popular one or even one from the "Old School". Fill out the form below and we will get your request straight into Nick's e-mail box. Your e-mail address will only be used by Nick and not some sleezy marketing guy.

your name Joan
your e-mail silenceshadow@yahoo.com
band/artist R.E.M.
song Bang and Blame

Tell us why you like this song
Bang and Blame is just hands down an awesome song. I'd write you a paragraph or three of analysis, but I think my time would be better spent talking about how [bleeped out] annoying your station is. I understand that you're just the music programmer, so I'd like to beg in passing, Please less rap! Please! It feels like all you play is rap, hip-hop, and "Sledgehammer" by Peter Gabriel, and I'm sick of all of those songs! before asking that you perhaps pass this message on to someone who would be able to do something with this message.

My school, DeVry of Phoenix Arizona, has evidently contracted with your company for you to advertize through your noisy-boxes in the admissions office, the cafeteria, and the game room. It irritates me and quite a few other students, especially the cafeteria noisemakers.

To assure you that I am indeed part of your target demographic, I am female, Caucasian, age 21, full-time college student.

I went to my college's Student Services department to complain that your televisions were too bloody loud for the area they were in; they are kept continually at a volume that will make them audible over the loudest of the noon rush, which is an unacceptable volume for having breakfast at six in the morning with perhaps ten people in the cafeteria, including the early-bird instructors and the cafeteria staff! The Student Services guy told me that there was nothing he could do; DeVry was contracted with you guys, and no matter what volume he turned them to, he always got complaints. Evidently his latest batch of complaints had been that the things were inaudible over the sound of people having lunch at the height of the noon rush where the cafeteria takes about twice as many customers as it was designed for; he'd turned them up far too loud to overcompensate.

Evidently I am not the only student who was annoyed by the blasphemous volume that Mr. Handler chose to set your idiot boxes at; several days later I was blissfully relieved to find that someone, or several someones, had yanked the loose connection at the back of the TV out, leaving the screen playing nothing but static. There are four CTN televisions in the cafeteria and partitioned-of game room area. The one in the game room is set to an audible, yet decent level. It has not been tampered with. The one in the northeast corner of the cafeteria is kept turned relatively low. It, too, has not been tampered with.

Administration attempted to reconnect both of the offensively loud CTN televisions, and each time, they have been disconnected by irritated students who feel that Administration does not listen to simple requests to have their eardrums not assaulted. You would think that Administration would get the idea. The CTN televisions that are turned to a decent volume are not tampered with; CTN televisions that are turned to a volume that borders on assault are tampered with. Please let Mr. David Handler of DeVry Phoenix know this.


Hmm, think they'll get the idea?

quiz....

Take the High Yield Killing Method Test Now!!

Congratulations, you are a Natural Disaster! Lucky you, your murderous wrath takes on many spectacular and eerily beautiful forms. Tsunamis, forest fires, floods, tornadoes, avalanches, hurricanes, the list goes on and one. You kill countless thousands every year and leave millions more in homeless, penniless misery. When humans fight their bloody wars on your soil, y ou retaliate with all the fury Mother Nature has been storing up for millennia. Bravo, and keep up the good work.


whee! Never saw that one coming!

Woo! I am the midnight sky! (bet I know who took the aurora image...)

Which "Natural Wonder" are you?

Ahh, life is good. ;)

Stayed up way too the hell late last night. Woke up around eleven this morning; people kept calling Adam's cellphone. Seems that the computer system being put together right in the middle of my living room was for Bald Guy's mom. Bald Guy is here right now, with his mom outside in the car, with Adam trying to finish spaghetti like a maniac. Spaghetti was breakfast, as we decided to have some fun after the shower.

I work today, and should be headed out the door as soon as I finish what looks like is attempting to masquerade as lunch. Shredded beef with barbecue sauce, looks like & tastes like. Was sitting in fridge too long; it is now MINE! Yay! My stomach rejoices.

Adam and Bald Guy and Bald Guy's Mom .... were leaving; Adam forgot his keys and his RAM. Bye honey. See you when I get home from work.

Hi, Shamash. He's finally awake, and he's prowling around like a normal cat. He's lost some weight from the operation; this is apparently normal. Good. He's just a teeny little thing!

I've been remarkably contented with my life lately. Has something changed? Am I getting enough sleep?

Oh my gods.

Did I mention that I love this strip? I'd stopped reading it at school for a while, because Darkside nagged me about nudity (Mr. Exploitation Now should really be talking!), but .... hee!

http://boymeetsboy.keenspace.com/d/20020211.html

Oh boy. Delicious.

Guess who's spending the night with V*? Creep. I hung up on him.

I hate it when he shows so little consideration for my feelings. He knows how much this bothers me. I don't know why, exactly. The last time I think I felt a negative emotion towards another woman so strongly, it was to That Idiot Shawn's future wife. ...From what I hear now, the woman's making a lovely mess out of her life, which of course splashes over onto her husband, but more importantly, is apparently affecting her baby daughter severely....

...It's got to be just jealousy. It has to be. The alternative is uncontemplatable. I cannot do that to Votania or Nephew, never mind what it'll do to Darkside. I cannot allow this to happen to me.

The last time I was upset to this degree, it took nine months for me to even figure out how deep I was in. The moment I figured out how bad my depression was, I grabbed my phone as a lifeline and started trying to call friends to find someone to help me lift myself out.

I don't remember how many numbers I tried, or how many times I tried them, or who let me slip through their fingers as I sank. Cold and dark, pressing down on my lungs... Finally River answered, and I talked to him, and I talked to him, and I cried at him, and I let myself cry.

I don't know if I'd be here today if River hadn't caught me.