Ah, these LJ memes -- not quite, but the process of having someone else's idea spark an entry of your own. Thanks,
gremliness.
I learned to lie when I was 5. I remember the first lie I ever consciously told: the first grade teacher, that I did not have to go potty. I wet my pants because I was scared that the toilets might explode, you see, because I'd read
Encyclopedia Brown and the Exploding Plumbing, but not carefully enough. So she asked me, did I have to go to the bathroom, and I said no. I was lying.
It hurts to tell a lie, these days. I tell my honest opinions. I am able to hold back opinions, sometimes, leave things unsaid... but for the most part I tell the truth.
There are some days where I cannot tell a lie. These are usually a slightly altered state of consciousness, often not with enough sleep. I cannot tell a lie, like that -- even not speaking hurts me, physically and psychologically hurts me. I can say, "I am not comfortable to answer that," but even that hurts.
I had one of those mornings a few months ago, sometime after Adam moved in. January? February? Not this month. Sometime back then. I could not tell a lie; I had to answer everything. So I babbled. Fast-foolish, as Miles. Adam did not take advantage of it as much as he might have; Darkside did not take advantage of me at all.
I was rather looking forward to being questioned by Darkside in a context where I had to answer. I'd often be willing to answer almost anything to him, but this -- I would have liked to have told him everything. Everything he'd wanted to know.
Odd, this desire to strip emotionally naked in public.