Dreams.

First I was crossing the street at 19th & Dunlap, and won 16K in the street-crossers and bus-rider's lottery. Then some guys tried to mug me. I hit them and tried to hurt them and ran home. There, Votania was crouched down on the floor because someone had shot a hole through the wall of her room, and furthermore there were five runaway teens in my bedroom. We called the cops and I held three of the kids down until the police got there and could talk to them.

Then, since the Christmas lights/decorations in the living room had fallen down, I was putting them back up. I found myself in an office building, and soon was running laps around the elevated breezeway just like the rest of them. Being pregnant and not entirely steady on my feet on the slick floor, I fell down twice, and then a third time when standing still waiting for my examination. They asked me what I did when I got depressed, and that's when the alarm clock hit; I whacked snooze, and I was at Darkside's workplace, chatting with one of the guys who works there. There was this redhead who wore all black who had the job of "hopper", meaning he did all jobs equally well. I had a tape of something from the library, and then it got lost, and some of my clothes got lost, and it was kind of Darkside's fault, and I was angry, but the stuff got found, and the alarm went off.

Brats

There are two blond chicks in my English class who I am coming to despise.

I don't say that word lightly. I try to avoid the stronger and milder forms of dislike as much as I can. I can establish preferences against, but I try to avoid dislike.

From all appearances, they're irresponsible and disrespectful and I don't see why they're in college if they're going to hate it this much. At least, why they're in a technical college. Either they're ACCT or BIS, because they'd never survive the harder sciences, not with that kind of ass-brain.

Giggling.

I told Darkside that he doesn't want to know. Played Mercy; details here. If you want details and are locked out, please to apply for my BDSM filter. I suspect that I will be tossing a lot of the random other sexual stuff in there just 'cause, because I did today.

Quiet morning. Darkside and I both were reading. I taught him where the power button on the large TV in the lounge is; he was happy to know this.

Isolation

Today's one of Darkside's less sociable days. I'm trying to respond by leaving him space to encounter school with, without my shadow crossing his in every moment of our shared spare time.

It's so difficult for someone like me to be friends with someone like him. My inner drives call for close contact, constant companionship, while he keeps a cool distance, needs his time alone as very much as I need my time with books. I know there's a solution...

Brains

This is twice in 24 hours that I've been told that I'm a genius.

It consistently stuns me that not everybody finds learning, writing, science, ["You're a genius; that's three times", evealone comments from over my shoulder] and so forth as easy as I do.

Trouble is, I don't quite consider myself a true, functioning genius.

It's my belief that in order to be a countable genius, I have to make some or other variety of lasting contribution to the world. Perhaps not a unique one, but nevertheless lasting. I honestly don't know what I've done. I've been an influence in people's lives, yes. I saw that poster plastered all over my middle school, the quote from someone I can't remember, saying that in a hundred years, it will not matter what kind of house I had or what kind of car I drove; but it will matter that I have made a difference in the life of a child. I can't remember how many children I've baby-sat. I've written, but I haven't finished my novel yet, and my few other fictional writings haven't been spread particularly far. I should dig up "Dogfire" and "Anne" sometime and put them somewhere interesting.

I haven't formulated any scientific theories. I've barely even formulated the random breezy suggestion of a hypothesis here and there. I'd like to do something nice with mathematics, or with physics.

I was given these brains, this sharp wittiness, this skill with words despite my early hatred for all things written (I had a horrible time learning to write, learning to do math); what am I going to do with it?

bleah...

Getting the dizzy head and odd feeling in the mouth that mean that I am in fact hungry. I need to get myself to the cafeteria to get something to eat. My stomach isn't hungry, though...

(no subject)

Why is it, when I've forbidden myself sex etc., that the guys around DeVry are looking so yummy?

This is something I'm doing to myself, for myself. Seeing what happens.

Peaceful

Lunch was eaten, and English class was good. After that, I came home, worked out with votania, read, had dinner, read, went swimming, and then took a long warm bath (with a book).

Now, I'm wondering how much of the Ben & Jerry's I should be eating.

Life is good.

Blond Moment

I woke up late this morning and didn't get a chance to brush my hair before going to school for breakfast. Walked into the cafeteria and Darkside nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Evidently the combination of sun-bleaching and fluorescent lighting made me look blond.

He, however, has brown hair, not blond. Could have fooled me. It's that very light brown that gets bleached in the Arizona sunlight and looks blond to the casual observer (though we all know that the casual observer is a twit). Whatever color it is, it looks nice on him.