Again with the sex?

Well, it's been on everyone's minds lately. Last night, apropos of gods-know-what (but there was a reason, honest), marxdarx mentioned that one of the last times he'd been running a T&T (I think) campaign with some of the guys, they'd wanted a whorehouse.

So he gave them one.

A zombie whorehouse.

marxdarx's Zombie Bordello of Doom?

This morning, Darkside mentioned how he'd intended to bring Dragon Magazine in to breakfast with him, as it was mentioning a new D&D sourcebook, something about Vile & Evil, or Evil & Disgusting, or Vile & Disgusting, or something along those lines. "When they mentioned 'adult content', they weren't kidding", he said, and elaborated, in that one particular spell makes the caster in essence have to be a necrophiliac.

The other spell that Darkside mentioned required nothing quite so intimate; Darkside shared this by saying "and no..." and making the universal hole-with-fingers, finger-in-and-out-of-hole gesture, complete with squeaky sound effects.

...Delightful.

What a morning.

NoRomo

Skippy (Neighbor's friend, not the infamous one who I don't know) concludes that Darkside has no interest in me whatsoever.

Evidently, the exchange where Skippy asked if Darkside liked girls, Darkside said yes he did, Skippy asked if Darkside liked me, and Darkside said that I was a friend, means that Darkside has no interest in me and is not likely to be getting any.

Ah well.

Darkside's a great friend. Who the hell knows how this is going to turn out. Not losing him as a friend, at any rate.

...It's interesting. When I've dated or had sex without having a friendship, I don't have contact with the person afterwards. If I was friends with the person, I still have contact with them, unless they proved themselves to be a vile person in the course of the relationship. Examples: River (cool), Mike (cool), Shawn (um, well...) and BJ (not cool).

Mmm, lunch.

Hung with Skippy and ralmathon and headed over to the teeny deli place for lunch. Much fun. Skippy analyzed Darkside.

Evidently when Neighbor brings up the topic of sex to Darkside, Darkside starts talking about gaming.

Skippy wanted to know what in the world I saw in Darkside. Skippy thinks that Darkside is a few years young for his age. I mentioned the brains, beauty, sense of humor, et cetera... there were a few sick jokes cracked.

It's fun to listen to the guys talk about gaming. It's fun to hear military stories. It's just fun to hang with friends. Skippy's gonna be my friend! Yay!

Plotting...

Dawn's going to bring sodas, some munchies, and some wine coolers for the game. Neighbor's responsible for bringing the jello shots. I will not have any premeditated prepared alcohol brews, but I will have ingredients for making my fruit smoothie things, which may or may not be made with alcohol depending on the preferences of the maker and drinker.

Darkside's idea of experimenting with getting drunk with a Long Island Iced Tea is a poor one if he wishes to avoid the taste of alcohol. He doesn't like the taste, you see.

Definitions:

"On without being lit."
This refers to the old propane stove at my parents' house, a brown affair that used to be self-lighting. It now requires the addition of external flame. For a while, however, during the transition from self-lighting to un-self-lighting, we would have to wait to hear the whoosh of the flame coming on, or lean over and watch for it, to make sure the stove lit. My mother was the worst offender, and when she would leave the stove on without being lit, we would turn the thing off and air the house out before doing anything more.

Later, the phrase took on meaning similar to "the lights are on, but nobody's home", with undertones of far greater potential danger.

Definitions: azzgrin

the azzgrin
By now, most of the regulars reading my journal know that my LJ name is the name of one of my former multiple personalities, who was a Malkavian I played briefly, the name of whom was originally the stage name of the lead singer of the band I was planning to form one day, which I got off a punk band name generator in the late '90's. Associated with Azz, my Malkavian personality, was a particularly unsettling very wide grin, showing plenty of teeth, with an unholy gleam in the eye. Many grins are less settling when the grinner is wearing sunglasses. The Azz-grin is far less settling when the eyes are visible too. For those who follow the series, think perhaps the grin of Miles in manic-mode, having just come up with a Cunning Plan.

Those who know me have come to display apprehension at the sight of the azzgrin. It could be that I've just developed a new and more deadly form of mixed drinks, or come across a brilliant quote, or horrid joke -- or it could mean something far more deadly to their immediate situation and sanity. So far, I've been mostly harmless. Will I be this time?

hmm.

Looks interesting. I'm going to try it. A little too cheerful and, um, something-or-other-centric, but... http://www.flylady.net

Marbles, et cetera

Stressed a little to Darkside this morning, and spent a while clasping his arm. I'm not accustomed to being the strong pillar of the household, especially not all at once, especially not when I'm in an introverted mindframe.

Now that I've had a chance to be back at school, though, everything's good, as Neighbor is good to relax around, and Dawn is always good for hugs, and Darkside and I are cooperating about touches now. Darkside and I giggled about my weekend. It was good. It was very good.

My garnet/dagger necklace broke in Database. Not a good sign. Mentioned this to Darkside as I walked him to class. He was concerned about his upcoming speech; I pulled my marbles out of my pocket and showed them to him. He asked to see them again, and deftly hit my hand from the underside, making the marbles fly loose. I laughed. I then practiced my high kicks, for potential later booting him in the head. Hint: I must crouch with my other leg in order to kick higher.

Much, much plotting with Dawn and Neighbor. We shall see. I have concluded that Selena was a tomboy and is a control freak. She hates paperwork, but cannot trust a secretary to do it right, and so sets aside Saturdays for filling the damn stuff out. She wears grey because it's easy to take care of, and goes with everything.

Miles quote of the day:

What God means you to do, Miles's theist mother claimed, could be deduced from the talents He gave you.

I have been given the talent of words, the talent of understanding some machinery, the talent of hearing what people say and translating it to others.

I am obviously a documenter?

What talents have you been given?

(c)rap

Mentioned the immortal artist Marshall Mathers to Darkside, and the eloquence of his words. Darkside was intrigued, and contemplating the buying of the album in question, until I mentioned the profanity.

Damn.

Votania and I are in agreement on this form of rap, at least. I dislike much rap because most of that which I have heard have a theme involving the dealing with drama in the form of ending it, often with violence. That is not a theme that speaks to me or my situation particularly well at all.

I like the way it sounds, though, if only I could get around the violence. I like it better up-close than at a distance.

(no subject)

Still with the sore throat. Ears are feeling better, though.

I'm tired. Will go home and crash after this.

Poll: Darkside vs. Halloween

[Poll #62462]

(no subject)

Heh.

Looks like the long-time devotees of my journal know Darkside that damn well from my descriptions of him.

Categorical difference

Between love and in love, there are some categorical differences.

One of mine is obedience.

I'm a submissive, but I only submit to those I can trust to a degree that's terrifying. I love Nephew and Marx and Neighbor and Votania and so forth; of them, I will obey Votania as I would obey a military superior, because in the situations where she must command me, it could be the difference between life and death, and I have a practical wish to remain alive until I've accomplished a few more things on this plane. She's the one with combat experience of any description whatsoever; I've not even gotten out of boot camp yet.

I will obey directives given to me by those of superior rank at work, or those in a position of legal or educational authority over me. I will go along with good ideas that I agree with that aren't necessarily phrased as requests. Just because someone whose authority over me I question orders me to do something does not mean I'll necessarily resist it.

However, with all these small forms of obedience, I still don't give myself over lightly. I gave myself once before, to Shawn. We all know how this worked out...

I needed Shawn, when he and I were together. I did not initially. It became so that I could not make it through a week, or a day, without contact with Shawn. Shawn did not honor my trust in him well. I came to associate need of another with abuse by that other.

It's not a coincidence that Darkside shoves me away when I try to lean on him, when I'm not in immediate, pressing emotional pain. He's not allowing me to come to depend on him too much. He's making me stand up for myself, take care of myself, be strong.

I will obey Darkside. If he orders me, I will obey.

This is why, when Darkside orders me, I resist him. I resist him because I must, because to do otherwise would be dishonour for us both. Darkside does not yet realize the great seriousness, the high significance, my undermind places upon casual obedience. I would casually, thoughtfully, immediately obey him if he accepted me, and my obedience, and all the symbolism thereof, knowing what he accepted.

Until he knows and accepts this, Darkside is the one person whose orders I must resist, if I and he are to remain whole.

School Itinerary

Before I forget: Lady Bright says that at some near-future point in my schooling, I need a psych or counseling certification or degree.

Exception-handlers

Darkside may order me to sleep. That, I will and can obey. That is for my health and sanity, and he is authorized to give me orders in that department. I have authorized him to.

Feng Shui

Rearranged my bed. Wider, with more mattresses on the floor. Odder arrangement. Is not yet satisfactory, but better than it was. Will continue to hack at it. Found my missing earring in the process.

(no subject)

Night, all. Have my earrings back in. Sleepy time.