The memories...

sully2001ca posted commentary on this comic again, and I was reminded of that day again...

"It's easy. Look. Select the right input on the television, which is Video 3. Then, Input 2 on the receiver, but that's only if you want sound. Finally, select Input 4 on the component switcher. That's basically it, I mean, it's only like three remotes."


I know I've told this story before, but... it is again.


Once upon a time, my best friend had a girlfriend, and it so fell out that I was at his house on Valentine's Day when she showed up to come get it on. He tossed me Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz, and they disappeared into his room.

Now, my dear best friend's living room entertainment system was complex. I looked at it, boggled, and tried to push things and make it work, but failed. I sat there on the couch, holding the tape in its case, holding my journal, listening and feeling: the joyous Arizona rain, the love that lit up my heart like sunshine.

It must have been an hour, just me sitting there, grinning so hard I thought I'd split my lip, feeling and listening. Times before, when friends of mine had gotten together, I'd been pointedly excluded, shut out whether they were present with me or off by themselves. This was different. Even though the locked door stood between me and them, no one's heart had been locked...

They emerged, finally, and I mentioned to my best friend that I'd had a few issues with figuring out the entertainment center, and he started explaining how one actually did program it to take input from the VCR, and came to the conclusion that yes, in fact, it was somewhat more complex than he'd expect me to intuitively guess...


...I am reminded of that day by many things. It always makes me smile, with or without tears. Perfect love, and perfect trust.


(Payback, for the arcane VCR setup, came later, and obliquely.)

Words, wounds.

"He is my open wound."

The thoughts got stirred up again. I'm reading the past, and circumstances made it so that I thought of it again.

I was weak, though I was Strength, and he healed me, and brought me back to ownership of myself. For the longest time, I thought of him as stronger than I am. (He said, Thursday, that he and I were actually fairly evenly matched, strengthwise, he just knew a few more dirty tricks; we were about the same strength unless I'd been working out some. Which I had.) Now that I have gained myself back, I see how he has weaknesses, and they cry out to me.


There were other words, too, about how it is when a woman is so used to being shoved around and treated poorly if she does not treat her man like an absolute god even when he does not deserve it, and if she does not treat herself like dirt in his service. It feels wonderful and bizarre to be free of that...

I used to feel odd, and wrong, when I called out Darkside for his actual errors. I felt as if I should never correct him when he was wrong if I truly loved him. I felt horrible for sometimes having bad days and showing myself to him when I was less than perfect. "I'm sorry," I'd say. Sorry for inflicting myself upon you, sorry for being bothered when you say things, sorry for being so weak and horrible, sorry for interrupting your good day, sorry for bringing sorrow into your presence, sorry for loving you, sorry for --

"Sorry for what? Sorry for being human?" he'd say, more often than not reaching out, making a contact, whether hand to hand, hand to face, or merely mind to mind.

Miserably, I'd nod.

And he'd hold me. He's human too. And he ruthlessly showed me that.

Morning

Have been annoyed by my ankles, recently. That whole too-much-salt bloating thing is supposed to hit the waist in women, please... not the ankles. Don't be messing with my ankles. Have thus been very annoyed the past two days or so.

Had dreams. I know I had dreams. I just haven't been remembering them so well lately.

I have learned the question I need to ask Darkside, the one that holds the key to a lot more interesting things, and is definitely going to help him. If I can't work through what his answer's going to be, in my head, I need to ask him, because I don't hold the whole of him in my head and never did, and this is something that he needs to know for him, and think through, whether or not he enlightens me as to the answer or not. Though I possibly do deserve an answer.

Men.

Gathered an interesting line from an old IM, said by me: "I want to marry him when he grows up."

I take it that there are quite a few guys who might have girls saying that about them.

Day

Headed out mid-afternoon to give plasma. votania headed out early this morning to go work on B with the Viking, the rationale being that starting work at 6am would do a lot to be not working during the day's worst heat.

For whatever reason, by the time I woke up, votania had left again to take the Viking to the hospital, as he was throwing up and not looking at all good.

I gave plasma, and am now back. She's still there, and had left a message to the effect that she & his mom & some other relative of his are still there, he having waited quite some time to see a doctor.

marxdarx is in the West bedroom with the Little Fayoumis, who is very much Not Happy about something. He's been crying over everything and anything lately.

Home again.

Called Mama, and we had a comfortable gossip about stuff. I talked about cats, job, Cello the rooster (he's sadly dead), the Little Fayoumis, and so forth.

votania is home from the hospital. They're still not altogether certain what's going on with the Viking, but he's finally in, after 9 hours in the waiting room. (!!)

I re-arranged the hall cupboard with the cans in it, and am consequently brewing up a batch of chili. User-defined spice, in this case.

It'll be a good week, I hope.

Need to tell things to m'love.

The first list of things he does for me.

The second list of things he does for me.

The question I need to ask him.