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Jul. 2nd, 2003

My legs feel cold. My torso feels hot, in that way that feels like you've been out in the sun too long and have stored up too much heat. I don't feel at all emotionally secure.

Reading this hit something. How bi am I really? Truly?

Will, someday, I win the guy, and not bring the pretty girl home with me too? I've known for a long time that for me, a secure stable bonding relationship is unlikely to happen with me and a girl. Not and have both of us remain sane and ourselves. I've never met the girl who can be that anchor for me.

I feel like I'm drifting, right now. Darkside's not anchoring me... not really.

1. If you were going to write a full length novel in the world of any one other author, all legality questions aside, what world would you write it in?

2. What would be your ideal career? It doesn't have to be a career anyone else's ever had.

3. Raistlin/who?

4. How do you view yourself as a top? (I'm not sure this question makes sense, but I'll ask it anyway)

5. Notwithstanding the existence of specific people (if that's possible, I don't know if it is) what would be your ideal romantic arrangement? (I mean like, a guy and a girl, exclusive, triangle; or a harem, all exclusive to you; or a number of people who didn't make a strong distinction between friendship and relationship; or what?)

( Read more... )

[Poll #152257]

( The lyrics, for those who have either not heard, or have forgotten: )

Current Mood: curious
Current Music: Anything but Darryl Worley

Gemini Horoscope for week of July 3, 2003

http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/gemini.html

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Gemini performer Keith Hennessy teaches classes in improvisation. I'll quote his ideas about the subject because they perfectly describe the nature of the spirit you should invoke in the coming weeks. Here's his definition of improvisation. "The art of being in full awareness and integrity right now. The opposite of repression. The closest we get to the source language of creativity, soul, play, and magic. A crazy attempt to align body and mind not only in the pursuit of freedom, but in the actual experience of freedom. Intentional spontaneity. The beauty and truth of the wild."

Cancer Horoscope for week of July 3, 2003

http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/cancer.html

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
To quote an old song, Cancerian, your future lies beyond the yellow brick road. In other words, it's time to let go of the fairy-tale vision of success that fueled you when you were young and naive. A more mature dream is calling, inviting you to get older and wiser fast. Initially, this replacement may feel like a loss, but ultimately it will awaken passions and ingenuity that the original goal would never have coaxed out. Ironically, it will also lead you to rewards that the yellow brick road promised but never could have delivered.

http://www.erotica-readers.com/ERA/g-blacklace.htm

Maybe I'll write something aimed at them, but likely I'll not make it in, but ah well... at least I'll have written!

Current Mood: excited

Yesterday:

Scrub down kitchen.

Clean cat box.

~~Dishes.~~

Work out.

Drain cat ear.

Sweep.

~~Tidy living room.~~

~~Feed cats.~~

~~Feed fish.~~

Pursuade marxdarx to sort through that basket of his stuff (he said he'd do it yesterday) and/or convince him to allow someone else to do it for him. That's been in here, unsorted, a month. That's long enough.

Sort more papers

~~Read more~~

~~Don't let the kids drive me nuts~~

Pursuade marxdarx to mop the kitchen floor as scheduled

Therefore, today...

Clean cat box.

Dishes.

Sweep.

Tidy living room.

Vacuum.

Try calling that pest Darkside.

Get the kitchen floor mopped

Sort more papers

Scrub down kitchen.

Work out.

Drain cat ear.

Remind marxdarx to sort through that basket of his stuff

Current Mood: tired

Dear Self,

When something is obstructing the microwave door, move it before you open the microwave door. Even if it is short and "the door can just open right over it". That works with the short-ass plates, but not with the decent white glass plates, which you now have one less of, as well as one less short-ass plate (the one that was on the floor for cat food that the good plate fell on) and one less handmade stoneware bowl.

Oh, and don't forget the chicken broth/rice soup that you're going to have to mop up the residue of later. Sheesh.

Little Fayoumis said something along the lines of, "Put that away, you chicken!" in a mean tone of voice to Angelica.

This earned an immediate corner, and when the waterworks and fire siren started (well, fire siren, as I didn't see the fire hydrants being opened), meant his room.

After he calmed down, I went in there and tried to figure out where he'd learned that it was okay to say that. No luck, but I hadn't counted on any.

Asked him if it would make him happy if I called him "You chicken!" in a mean voice (I demonstrated). It did not.

Inquired as to whether he'd thought it would make her happy when he said that. No. Inquired as to whether he thought it would make her sad. Yes. Inquired as to why he wanted to make her sad. No luck.

Went a bit further into the difference between something being funny and something being mean. Demonstrated with a teasing, "Little Fayoumis, you turkey!" giggling and playing with him. Counter-demonstrated with "Little Fayoumis, you turkey!" said angrily. He grasped the difference, and which one was cool and which one was not cool.

Inquired as to whether he liked playing with her. Yes, most of the time. (A fair answer, as I think Angelica's a bit of a brat, but that goes with the age...)

Let him know that him trying to make his friends sad told me that he did not want to play with them, and he was to go back out there and be nice. If he was mean again, he would be showing me that he did not want to play with his friends, and I would ask his friends to go home.

School doesn't put up with that (he's gotten in trouble before, if I recall correctly) and neither will we. We are not about to raise a bully.

Current Mood: determined

My wallet is soft black leather, three-fold, fastening with a snap. There are many poky little compartments.

Outermost: zippered change pocket.
$1.75 in quarters (bus fare plus phone call)
$0.60 in dimes (bus fare for the Little Fayoumis)
$0.04 in pennies (ah. Change should go in the change box.)
Sometimes there are little packets of aspirin or salt in this pocket, but not this time.

The Photo Pocket
Up front, where it's visible, a photo of the Little Fayoumis, with his gap-toothed kindergarten picture day smile.
Behind that:
Organ donor card, Alaskan, with "I love you all" scrawled on the back in my eighteen-year-old cursive
Two different blood donor cards, both Red Cross, one paper and one plastic, stuck together by the goop that was on the back of the paper one. (O+, for the curious.)
My DeVry student insurance card.
My Alaska voter card.
A small copy of my high school diploma, laminated.

The outer pocket that's right there when you undo the snap
This being the most accessible pocket, this contains the stuff I'm going to need to grab and put away easily.
My DeVry student ID/attendance swipe card
A June bus pass (DELETED!)
the July bus pass

Card slots in middle of wallet, first tier
Sam's Club card, member since 12/2001 (complimentary spouse card).
Phoenix Public Library card
Arizona driver's license
Planned Parenthood BC pill supply line card (call for refill/pickup) with the address scribbled on, and the info I need to leave on their answering machine
Safeway Club card (very old) (visited their website just now and updated the info, so that it won't be going to the old address back home)
University of the Anime Otaku membership card, not validated
Bank account number card
Clergy certification card
Gift card for Sam's & Wal-Mart (empty)
Barnes & Noble membership card
IEEE membership card
Appointment card for cancelled dentist's appointment in April
Gift card for Fry's (about $5 left, left over from Darkside's Christmas gift)
A business card with semi-important phone numbers on it

Card slots in middle of wallet, second tier
Identification card, with name, address, phone, and contact in the case of emergency (roommate, parents).

Card slots in middle of wallet, third tier
Subway Sub Club card
Bank 24 hour customer service number card

Card slots at right end of wallet, first tier
ATM card from nationally-distributed bank
ATM card from Fairbanks bank
Fry's grocery membership card
Credit card
Cellphone business card, with my number and the passcode to get into the voicemail. (Cellphone has no service at the moment, and hasn't for some months.)

Card slots at right end of wallet, second tier
Membership card for the coffee joint in the mall
Recommendation card for my dentist

Card slots at right end of wallet, third tier
Waldenbooks membership card

Main pocket of wallet where bills go
ABSOLUTELY no money
A laminated motto (the "turn their hearts/turn their ankles" one)
A printout of the Miranda Warning (FatherSir's idea)
A handwritten copy of the instructions for the LBRP, much water-stained (and unnecessary now)
A handwritten copy of the Names for the LBRP and the Middle Pillar exercise, and a diagram noting the names of the nodes and what they symbolize. (very battered, and must be re-copied)

Current Mood: introspective

http://www.livejournal.com/users/iroshi/394628.html

Not suitable for those who think that proper speech is a thing of the past.

Current Mood: scared

...Called Ro, talked to Ro. No need for flashbacks to Terrible Tuesday, just... call back when the time is right.

Current Mood: scared

~~Dishes~~
~~Sweep floor with Little Fayoumis~~
~~Scrub floor with Little Fayoumis~~
~~Physics lesson for the day: The heavy ball falls as fast as the light ball~~

Current Mood: accomplished

's all OK.

Left message with Darkside sevenish; he called back.

About an hour on the phone. Yay; joy. That's evidently how he sounds when serious and tired. After defusing me, I read him this and this.

He talked books at me, and we determined that I did indeed like the Dragonlance books he'd recommended at me. (I have a feeling that massive book-loans will be in my future.) He boggled at the idea that I would think Raistlin sweet and nice. (Not identifying with Crysania at all, no, not me...)

He started playing Xenosaga; we compared notes and found out that yes, we were talking about the same game there.

I started talking about that anime party, rather energetically; I sort of went on fast-forward. He was amused. He indeed did have some experience with the phallic monsters.

There was fun and happiness and purring and bad jokes made back and forth.

I'm feeling very thoroughly hugged, and maybe even a little kissed. He's feeling secure enough to make slightly dirty comments about stuff to me.