This entry has been at least a year coming, and I suppose I want some closure. I listened to a silly holiday song, it upset me, I realized why it upset me. And it tied into the "why I left" entry, which has also been coming for a while.
( Oh, LJ. )
Yesterday I listened to "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire", which I never had before. I was aware that it was a parody of "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire". The part that I hadn't quite connected was that the chipmunks in the song are not just any generic chipmunks, but Alvin and the Chipmunks. ( Discussion of anthropomorphized animal harm. )
This is not a new thing for me. A year ago today, I had a nightmare about chickens that woke me up in considerable distress, and eight hours later, I was finally calmed down about it enough that I could burst out in hysterical tears to![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
niqaeli (who happened to be the trusted-enough-to-talk-to person in the splatter zone).
( There are hazards to having pet chickens. )
Eight hours after waking up from that dream a year ago, I was finally calm enough that I was able to articulate what went on in it, and only then burst out crying hysterically. (Today, a year later, thinking about it is still likely to make me feel like crying.) In describing it, I mentioned that I was reacting as I imagined someone else with a more typical American upbringing might react to the thought of the same thing being done to adorable puppies or kittens. "A frog in boiling water wasn't personal enough, I see," I said. And the clue hit.
I don't tend to have normal nightmares. My sister was the one who had nightmares. I had some upsetting dreams as a kid, but mostly I woke up and it was fine. When I have a nightmare that really upsets me, it's related to something in my life that's either upsetting me already, or is going to become a problem if it keeps going in that direction, and my subconscious is smarter than I am. This dream was about LJ.
Over the previous two months, there'd been a number of disruptions in my experience of LJ. By September 2009, I was on the crispy edge of burnout again.
This was not new. The transition from Six Apart to SUP in late 2007 and early 2008 did not feel smooth, from my seat as a volunteer. ( Read more... )
( Oh, LJ. )
Yesterday I listened to "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire", which I never had before. I was aware that it was a parody of "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire". The part that I hadn't quite connected was that the chipmunks in the song are not just any generic chipmunks, but Alvin and the Chipmunks. ( Discussion of anthropomorphized animal harm. )
This is not a new thing for me. A year ago today, I had a nightmare about chickens that woke me up in considerable distress, and eight hours later, I was finally calmed down about it enough that I could burst out in hysterical tears to
niqaeli (who happened to be the trusted-enough-to-talk-to person in the splatter zone). ( There are hazards to having pet chickens. )
Eight hours after waking up from that dream a year ago, I was finally calm enough that I was able to articulate what went on in it, and only then burst out crying hysterically. (Today, a year later, thinking about it is still likely to make me feel like crying.) In describing it, I mentioned that I was reacting as I imagined someone else with a more typical American upbringing might react to the thought of the same thing being done to adorable puppies or kittens. "A frog in boiling water wasn't personal enough, I see," I said. And the clue hit.
I don't tend to have normal nightmares. My sister was the one who had nightmares. I had some upsetting dreams as a kid, but mostly I woke up and it was fine. When I have a nightmare that really upsets me, it's related to something in my life that's either upsetting me already, or is going to become a problem if it keeps going in that direction, and my subconscious is smarter than I am. This dream was about LJ.
Over the previous two months, there'd been a number of disruptions in my experience of LJ. By September 2009, I was on the crispy edge of burnout again.
This was not new. The transition from Six Apart to SUP in late 2007 and early 2008 did not feel smooth, from my seat as a volunteer. ( Read more... )
