![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Jun. 7th, 2013
Spotted in the wild from someone I don't know: "You don't have my permission to break up with me."
This statement makes a whole fuckton of alarm bells ring, and I want to label every damn one of them.
Let's start with co-opting the language of consent culture to do something that's profoundly opposite.
The consent culture model of relationships is that they are maintained by mutual consent. Once one of the parties has stopped consenting to the relationship, that relationship is over. Even if the other party does not want it to be over.
The process of breaking up can be profoundly unpleasant, and it's not nice to spring that on someone, especially unexpectedly. However, it is less nice, and in fact actively coercive, to make someone remain in a relationship that they no longer consent to.
Not all relationships are good ones. Not all relationships can be repaired. Sometimes despite legitimate efforts on both sides, a relationship can't be repaired. Sometimes only one person is putting in legitimate effort to repair a relationship. Is it fair to that person? Fuck no.
Sometimes relationships include support, shelter, and division of necessary labor. These are horrible but necessary things that will need to be figured out in the breakup, and often are/should be covered by local law. There are eviction laws. Alimony is a thing that exists. Custody battles are a thing. This hits a lot harder when poverty and disability are factors, and the safety nets in the US do not cover people who from every ethical viewpoint fucking ought to be covered.
What else is there?
This statement makes a whole fuckton of alarm bells ring, and I want to label every damn one of them.
Let's start with co-opting the language of consent culture to do something that's profoundly opposite.
The consent culture model of relationships is that they are maintained by mutual consent. Once one of the parties has stopped consenting to the relationship, that relationship is over. Even if the other party does not want it to be over.
The process of breaking up can be profoundly unpleasant, and it's not nice to spring that on someone, especially unexpectedly. However, it is less nice, and in fact actively coercive, to make someone remain in a relationship that they no longer consent to.
Not all relationships are good ones. Not all relationships can be repaired. Sometimes despite legitimate efforts on both sides, a relationship can't be repaired. Sometimes only one person is putting in legitimate effort to repair a relationship. Is it fair to that person? Fuck no.
Sometimes relationships include support, shelter, and division of necessary labor. These are horrible but necessary things that will need to be figured out in the breakup, and often are/should be covered by local law. There are eviction laws. Alimony is a thing that exists. Custody battles are a thing. This hits a lot harder when poverty and disability are factors, and the safety nets in the US do not cover people who from every ethical viewpoint fucking ought to be covered.
What else is there?
(no subject)
Jun. 7th, 2013 11:57 am00:27 2013-06-07
Fishbaby apparently had the best birthday ever, with ice cream cake!
00:28 2013-06-07
So, the conference!
The day before involved badge-assembling and envelope-stuffing. Also car-loading. The Understudy was using her car. Also one of the guys doing one of the breakout sessions showed up saying that um they sort of forgot to get their materials requirements to me, could I --
That was hilarious, but fortunately my Big Blue Bag saved the day again. He headed off with it and brought it to the conference.
I
11:57 2013-06-07
http://www.slashnet.org/
Fishbaby apparently had the best birthday ever, with ice cream cake!
00:28 2013-06-07
So, the conference!
The day before involved badge-assembling and envelope-stuffing. Also car-loading. The Understudy was using her car. Also one of the guys doing one of the breakout sessions showed up saying that um they sort of forgot to get their materials requirements to me, could I --
That was hilarious, but fortunately my Big Blue Bag saved the day again. He headed off with it and brought it to the conference.
I
11:57 2013-06-07
http://www.slashnet.org/
My new definition of 'hipster':
Jun. 7th, 2013 12:55 pmSomeone, usually young/adult and white, who is pissed off that their formerly handcrafted and artisanal culture is being mass-produced for profit by an exploitative corporation.
Related: and just like that, 'hipster' has fallen out of my automatic-eyeroll category, except as it intersects with 'pretentious douchebag'.
Related: and just like that, 'hipster' has fallen out of my automatic-eyeroll category, except as it intersects with 'pretentious douchebag'.
19 tweets for 2013-6-7
Jun. 7th, 2013 11:55 pmIn the last 24 hours, I posted the following to Twitter:
Follow me on Twitter.
- Friday, 0103: My fitbit #Fitstats for 6/06/2013: 2,438 steps and 1 miles traveled. http://www.fitbit.com/user/23LLYD
- Friday, 0113: Tumblr favorite: http://devopsreactions.tumblr.com/post/51712791763/using-unorthodox-tricks-a-k-a-hacking (from devopsreactions)
- Friday, 0309: Sleep. Hmf. What is it good for? Probably something.
- Friday, 0315: My head has been singing "Why doesn't my dungeonman level up like thy dungeonman, when I paid for my dungeonman twice as much as thine"
- Friday, 0316: I blame this on Strongbad, @demigoose, and being raised by a Friend with a wicked sense of humor. ( read the other 14 )
Follow me on Twitter.