my power, my pleasure, my pain

Yesterday told Darkside, finally, that my letter to him and the attendant confusion on October 16 were the last pass at him he will get out of me: all else is kidding around or wishful thinking.

Something has come loose between us that was painfully tight before. Something vital. Something that's easy, pleasant, now. Something makes the smiles come, the touch on the shoulder, the sharing of computer humor.

Adam saw him yesterday, coming into the Cholla lab with an overlayer of "Grr grouch grump stupid group project stupid group where the fuck is my stupid slacker group?" overlying his mind. Underlying, was "Happy boing boing happy happy happy silly happy happy!"

Odd combination, those, and Adam was starting to wonder what was up, when he saw me tailing Darkside in, also projecting happy.

...So Darkside enjoys my company now, more than he did. (This was before telling him that he had nothing more to worry about...)

Today I slept in until time for class; today, still, Darkside was happy to see me. The server crashed in the middle of his presentation. He told me all about it, afterwards.

"You can be a laptop, but not a desktop."

The things we tell our cats. Shamash has decided that he's going to be a friendlypuss these days, and crawl up on people's laps and mrowr randomly.

Getting: Palm Bejewled

(copy/paste from the website, http://www.palmgear.com/software/showsoftware.cfm?prodID=13193 )

Features:

Addictive Gameplay
Faithful Conversion of the online game
High Quality Graphics and Animation, in either Greyscale or Colour
Sound Effects
Really Addictive Gameplay
Two Modes - easy for relaxation, and Timed for a frantic game
High Score Table for each mode
Export High scores to the Astraware Bejeweled Internet High Score Table
Instructions and Tips included to get you started
Automatic Hints to help you play
Did we mention it was addictive ?

Yep, just as addicting as promised.

Got the palm version of Bejeweled for Inanna, my Neo. (Yep, she's named. The twin thing and the Sumerian thing won out over planetary...) Addictive as fuck. Yep. Just as advertised.

Delightful!

I now have some interesting lunchtime reading courtesy of one Phil Hine, a writer whose works I'm very much interested in snarfing down again, having read his Condensed Chaos start to finish last April (while in the middle of my very sloggy/depressive/drained mode, the one where I was calling in sick to work and sleeping through school for a week) and loved it.

Palmtops rock. I think I'll take more batteries with me Just In Case.

(no subject)

...anybody got any recommendations for good other chaos magic works in palmtop-readable format?

Palmtop update

12:41 am: Sabrina broke up w/ the Oak Prince. Guess yesterday was a day for breakups. I broke up w/ Darkside... sort of. Not that we were together. Told him about my oath to not make another pass @ him ever. Maeve dumped her bf. Maeve is 4 months pregnant.

Adam pulls slightly to the right. Good.

Love Darkside.
10:22 am: Neighbor OK. Checked. Not seen Darkside yet.
11:20 am: Darkside in suit. Yum.
11:21 am: Neighbor's fatalistic mood of the past few weeks has lifted. Precog. Not as bad as he'd feared.
1:14 pm: Installed the hotsync software on Adam's server. Now Votania and Ishtar can use this too. Kewl.
4:52 pm: Silence on the dialer. ATT. Horny as anything. Missed Adam last night.

Will export this to LJ when i get home. Now the world will get to see the banal output of my working brain. Should retrofit pen w/ stylus end so will work better.
4:58 pm: Still no calls. Am trying pen a new way to see if will do better. Nope, not much. Back to stylus: far more fine control.
5:02 pm: A call! Wow.

Furious

...and I don't care who knows it.

Thank you, Adam, for consulting me first. Thank you for fucking someone I have very little love for. Thank you for leaving last night when I wanted you to stay home, and fucking the bitch on top of that. Thank you very much.

...

...I'm not sure I trust him, now.

No.

No no no no no.

I feel like a three year old, yelling and screaming and throwing a tantrum. No one's going to take me seriously. No one's going to want to hear me. This is a domestic matter, and should be kept between me and Adam.

I want to scream at him. I'm not sleeping in the same bed with him tonight, that's for damn sure. I'm not fucking him tonight. I don't know if I will in the next week. I don't want to talk to him. Not yet. Not until I have calmed down. Not until I won't throw something.

An hour later. I'm still pissed.

I adore V* just about as much as the Lady E. loves Shawn. Y'know, the one who wound up giving me paranoia, the odd nightmare, and a stutter that I have to this day, when certain topics are brought up?

I'm mad.

Shit.

I can feel my body temperature dropping. Stomach, icy. Fingers, getting there. Face, getting icy.

That's how I react. Deal with it.