Sleep!

"Enough sleep for me is newsworthy. Maybe we should call CNN."

Votania and I are having a very quiet morning. We've got some exploration on the town planned for later (pilgrimages to our works, and the bank, are in order) but nothing heavy and major other than that. Maybe some grocery shopping, as we have almost no milk, and I hear ditto on the eggs. Apples and oranges too; those have been breakfast & lunch @ work for me. I got 9-10.5 hours of sleep last night, which is more than I've gotten in a while. Votania overslept as well, and that's all good.

Marx and Neighbor will be coming over later on, and I might get to see the Other Guy, the one who I've dubbed "Boy-Toy #2" for the moment -- he's not a boy-toy, precisely, he's a potential lover, and developing into a good friend, a damn good friend. But "Boy-Toy #2" is as good a tag for him as any, until he develops distinguishing characteristics.

Nephew is marching around the house with angle rule and whistle. Was; now he's got his Scoop toy, from Bob the Builder, and is vrooming around with that.

Peaceful morning. Yay!

Shopping list

"I want a cookie!"

"So do I, but he's in BFE!"

"I said cookie, not Wookie!"


...Votania and I have some of the most enlightening conversations sometimes.

Shamash

Poor little fellow is painfully dealing with his nutjob. He's getting back to his normal hyper self, a little, but he's moving verrrry sloooowwwlly...

(no subject)

4:39 pm: Subj: trust the witch

Votania mentions to me that, A) Darkside is an idiot for not seeing what he has available to him romantically speaking & not taking advantage of it, and B) I have so many other romantic options than Darkside open to me.

Someday, she says, when I kiss him, she hopes he'll kiss back. The time for that may be past, however: since my love makes Darkside so uncomfortable, I shall not make another pass at him. In other words: he blew it, if hard-to-get was his game. If he genuinely has no attraction or possible attraction to me, then great. I give up. If he loves me, though, he'll have to kiss me first.


4:57 pm: Shopping is my bag today, regardless of general lack of $. Groceries must happen. Will be hitting Adam up for bills & so on far more. Flat broke. Thought I could afford to go out for movie w/ Darkside sometime this week but no. Shit.

Will, however, be able to pick up some unplanned hours @ work: DeVry's spring break is happening & FAO (office @ work) will be understanding & let some people take days off & let other DeVry kids take up the slack. Cool.

Lonely tonight

If I could afford to stay up all night tonight I would. I'm feeling lonely, oppressed, not entirely at home with who I am or what I'm doing.

marxdarx brought over some Ranma 1/2 tonight, so everybody watched that. That was cool. Very cool. Amusing. Grandpa gets beaten up a lot.

I learned something: two self-loathing gothboys do not instant best friends make, especially when both of them are exceptionally shy and apt to be seen by the rest of the world as arrogant and irritable. Pity, because if they did get to know each other, they would have so much in common, but perhaps they have too much in common to be near each other. The world might explode. ...Or implode, I always have forgotten which.

I just don't feel connected. There's the guy who things happened with the other day ... connection feels weird. Anything with anyone other than Darkside feels weird, in the end. I'm too attuned to his energies to feel quite right with anyone else. I suppose if I pulled the Final Fantasy (movie) solution, and found the right polyamourous combination to equal his energy, that might work...

...Attuned. It's all about how I'm tuned. I can retune myself at will. So why don't I?

bonkers

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a rubber room. I died there. They put me in a box in the ground with worms. I hate worms. They make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

It feels lonely tonight, for whatever reason. I doubt Adam's going to be spending the night at home. This bothers me more than it should. I can't even talk to the guy at the computer right next to mine. ...odd. My voice may be missing tonight. Hasn't happened like that since ... not sure when.

Adam's playing with his laptop and talking on the phone, probably to his ex. The one he fucked. Neighbor didn't show up. Drat. ...He hasn't been doing that lately. ...I think tonight his friends from out of town were going to be showing up, or was that next weekend? I miss seeing him here. He makes things happy around.

Perhaps I'm slightly dehydrated. The back of my throat was yowling at me like I was. I know I've eaten today. I've been trying to lose weight, but somehow failing. votania says that I have, that perhaps I haven't been seeing it, but she has, and even though the winter's put some more weight back on me, I've definitely gotten skinnier... not sure. Breakfast was an anti-win, a candy bar grabbed on the run out the door at ten or so, then lunch of sloppy-joes (could have done without the butter on the bread... or the bread itself for that matter! or the second helping!) and ice cream for dessert. Dinner, steak, sandwich, and salad. I was skinny in high school because that dear friend of mine Shawn kept "borrowing" my sandwich and my cookies. I got the drink, the carrot sticks, and the apple slices, though.

When I get a moment, I think I'm going to, after banishing most of the credit card demons (which requires, alas, the budget to do so), get myself this account paid, and then, with the first of my happy new codes, give myself another account for Rose to use.

(I've gotten a bit of sanity now, so I think it may have been a hydration or blood sugar issue.)