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May. 1st, 2002
Amateur Shrink Night
May. 1st, 2002 12:47 amIf you take someone prone by nature to aggression, and expose them to an aggressive parent who might qualify as abusive in some situations, but teach the kid the value of being nice, and the kid internalizes the value of being nice -- sometimes that person will recognize their own potential for just as much violence as the abuser.
As those internal values place the violence as a Bad Thing, the subject trains their anger upon the anger itself, angry at themselves for being able to feel this way. The subject is not able to rip the anger out of themselves; the subject feels guilt, like not a worthy and good person, as they still have this violence, this anger, built up inside them, that they cannot get rid of, that occasionally explodes.
Self-loathing and depression ensue; there is a willingness to believe negative things said about one, because one has the potential to be such a bad person; the potential to be a bad person is an integral part of their nature.
As those internal values place the violence as a Bad Thing, the subject trains their anger upon the anger itself, angry at themselves for being able to feel this way. The subject is not able to rip the anger out of themselves; the subject feels guilt, like not a worthy and good person, as they still have this violence, this anger, built up inside them, that they cannot get rid of, that occasionally explodes.
Self-loathing and depression ensue; there is a willingness to believe negative things said about one, because one has the potential to be such a bad person; the potential to be a bad person is an integral part of their nature.
Regression
May. 1st, 2002 01:17 amJust spent quite some time regressing myself through where I was at this time of the year through my past years. As it gets more and more into the past, the time of year gets fuzzier.
In 2001, I had just moved in here, was recovering from nasty illness, and was about to have an ant invasion.
In 2000, I was moving out of my parents' house into the cabin that BJ and George and I would share for the summer.
In 1999, I was moving out of the dorms and back into my parents' house, to complete the last of my near-fatal depression.
In 1998, I was about to give away my virginity and graduate from high school.
I don't remember much about 1997. I learned that Shawn had tried to kill himself on Terrible Tuesday, because the girl had died in that accident.
In 1996, my best friend Shawn was becoming more and more irratic and less sane, I was getting more tightly strung, and my relationship with my fiancée was on the rocks.
In 1995, I was about to learn that I was bisexual; I was madly in love with Eric Johnson; I was seeing Bryan on the side; I was working on my novel. Freshman year. I had distinct multiples. I was eagerly anticipating CTY.
In 1994, I was about done with 8th grade, doing very poorly in my classes, rediscovering my artistic talents, having fun as a library aide.
In 1993, I was discovering science fiction, discovering the concept of multiple personalities, slacking off in school, discovering that I was not part of the "in" crowd.
In 1992, I was one of the queens of my elementary school, dating Ty Keltner, smart, beautiful, a future scientist and budding writer, and kicked ass at Tetherball and Connect Four.
In 1991, the Gulf War had ended, and I was still trying to keep up the diary I'd started, at least every now and then. I had my three friends and we were cool.
In 1990, I was giving neckrubs to Mrs. Banks, and she was reading aloud in class, and it was too hot that year. I had no best friend, and next year would be Jay Baxter's last year at Pearl Creek. I had missed out on fractions. My best friend was Calico, who helped me with my math.
In 1989, I was downstairs in 3rd grade. We painted every week. Connie Finn and the other pretty girl had hairspray. My little sister was a first grader. We had baby chicks!
1988. Cursive is a curse. John Hopkins still ate glue, but Jay Baxter was cuter. He kissed me! He's Ruby's brother. I got glasses, so now I can even see the wheels on the bottoms of airplanes when they fly low.
1987. First Grade. Big tall room. We packed up our markers and crayons into our boxes. When I got home after school I found the class red handled scissors in my box.
1986. Still mad at Mama because I had to take Kindergarten home school because she couldn't give me a ride to kindergarten at the same time she was picking up Julie from Montessori school. I didn't get to play with the toys like the other kids. I didn't get any friends.
1985. They made Montessori not fun with all the rules. We didn't get to play with the stuff anymore, we just had to count it and we couldn't have fun.
...Mrs. Geist turned into Mrs. Khalsa and she didn't wear her pretty long hair down anymore, it was all wrapped up in a white turban.
...Mama drove us to Montessori school in the little blue Honda. Davis Road was all bumpy gravel. We went past the building with the big orange sign.
In 2001, I had just moved in here, was recovering from nasty illness, and was about to have an ant invasion.
In 2000, I was moving out of my parents' house into the cabin that BJ and George and I would share for the summer.
In 1999, I was moving out of the dorms and back into my parents' house, to complete the last of my near-fatal depression.
In 1998, I was about to give away my virginity and graduate from high school.
I don't remember much about 1997. I learned that Shawn had tried to kill himself on Terrible Tuesday, because the girl had died in that accident.
In 1996, my best friend Shawn was becoming more and more irratic and less sane, I was getting more tightly strung, and my relationship with my fiancée was on the rocks.
In 1995, I was about to learn that I was bisexual; I was madly in love with Eric Johnson; I was seeing Bryan on the side; I was working on my novel. Freshman year. I had distinct multiples. I was eagerly anticipating CTY.
In 1994, I was about done with 8th grade, doing very poorly in my classes, rediscovering my artistic talents, having fun as a library aide.
In 1993, I was discovering science fiction, discovering the concept of multiple personalities, slacking off in school, discovering that I was not part of the "in" crowd.
In 1992, I was one of the queens of my elementary school, dating Ty Keltner, smart, beautiful, a future scientist and budding writer, and kicked ass at Tetherball and Connect Four.
In 1991, the Gulf War had ended, and I was still trying to keep up the diary I'd started, at least every now and then. I had my three friends and we were cool.
In 1990, I was giving neckrubs to Mrs. Banks, and she was reading aloud in class, and it was too hot that year. I had no best friend, and next year would be Jay Baxter's last year at Pearl Creek. I had missed out on fractions. My best friend was Calico, who helped me with my math.
In 1989, I was downstairs in 3rd grade. We painted every week. Connie Finn and the other pretty girl had hairspray. My little sister was a first grader. We had baby chicks!
1988. Cursive is a curse. John Hopkins still ate glue, but Jay Baxter was cuter. He kissed me! He's Ruby's brother. I got glasses, so now I can even see the wheels on the bottoms of airplanes when they fly low.
1987. First Grade. Big tall room. We packed up our markers and crayons into our boxes. When I got home after school I found the class red handled scissors in my box.
1986. Still mad at Mama because I had to take Kindergarten home school because she couldn't give me a ride to kindergarten at the same time she was picking up Julie from Montessori school. I didn't get to play with the toys like the other kids. I didn't get any friends.
1985. They made Montessori not fun with all the rules. We didn't get to play with the stuff anymore, we just had to count it and we couldn't have fun.
...Mrs. Geist turned into Mrs. Khalsa and she didn't wear her pretty long hair down anymore, it was all wrapped up in a white turban.
...Mama drove us to Montessori school in the little blue Honda. Davis Road was all bumpy gravel. We went past the building with the big orange sign.
Spent about one and a half hours in a programming trance today. Java. Got two and a half labs done. Much fun. Helped teach Hilary. Guess Mike is left to fend for himself.
Glad I had that practice in Java-pseudocoding Servitors. Need to write an instance of the Warriorlette, as soon as I get it all worked out.
Coding for fun on paper between calls was a good way of practicing.
Watched Vampire Hunter D earlier this evening.
Glad I had that practice in Java-pseudocoding Servitors. Need to write an instance of the Warriorlette, as soon as I get it all worked out.
Coding for fun on paper between calls was a good way of practicing.
Watched Vampire Hunter D earlier this evening.
(no subject)
May. 1st, 2002 01:35 amazurelunatic's livejournal?
(since some of you don't get it: this is an "interpretation" of the content in azurelunatic's journal.)
(since some of you don't get it: this is an "interpretation" of the content in azurelunatic's journal.)
House to be that to kill himself on Terrible Tuesday, because I got home school. Darkside violence as a side I was about to believe offer. I was becoming more and more irratic and not at Tetherball and Back into Mrs: subject is a future scientist and more irratic and we didn't get any friends.
Ah well; drove us to me! In my classes, rediscovering my classes,
rediscovering my here.
-- azurelunatic
Start off with the no regard for the feelings of others of Tien. Add the motormouth of Miles. Mix in the pathological lack of clue that Ivan displays when he really, *really* puts his foot in his mouth. Add all the boring of Vormoncrief, and the corresponding unrealization that others consider him boring. Play back, nonstop, at slightly more than conversational volume.
Result: a disinvitation from nearly any variety of workplace that has any concern for the sanity of its inhabitants.
Result: a disinvitation from nearly any variety of workplace that has any concern for the sanity of its inhabitants.
Good Clean Police-log fun
May. 1st, 2002 12:41 pmhttp://www.arcataeye.com/police/
The 4-30 edition contains gems such as:
I love the links the Sith Academy shares.
The 4-30 edition contains gems such as:
1:08 p.m. A customer who arrived at a Seventh Street bank just after closing time was unable to transact business, and did the only logical thing – began punching at the windows. He was gone when police arrived.
2:01 p.m. The cosmic statistical imperative dictates that there must be one lingering freak in every Arcata parking lot who just can’t get it through his head that he isn’t wanted there.
1:19 a.m.
A Valley East tune-lovin’ dude
Did not moderate amplitude
The neighbors, awakened
From walls that were shakin’
Called cops, who restored quietude.
2:44 p.m. If you were careless enough to think you could take your children out into the Community Forest for some nature appreciation and exercise, you would’ve run into this lovely pair and had to explain some diificult concepts to your kids before you had intended to. Instead, the ranger encountered the dynamic duo, and he cited them for dope possession and camping.
I love the links the Sith Academy shares.