![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Oct. 17th, 2002
Everyone does realize...
Oct. 17th, 2002 10:28 am...that this recent upswing in posts that display me being miserable and/or lonely are not a change so much in my moods, but a change in how publicly I'm willing to broadcast, or even admit to myself, how I'm feeling.
Actual incidents of breaking down may appear to be up to those I show it to, but are in fact down, as I don't break down when alone even 1/10 as often. Every few weeks I find myself unhappy in front of Darkside; the length of the bad mood is now shorter, my reaction to the bad mood is less bad, and these days I usually have what the problem is hacked out beforehand, and I just need someone to tell me that I'm overreacting and things will be just fine; sometimes I'm even able to tell him that this is what I need to hear. I don't break down much more often than every other week or so in front of Darkside, anymore; some weeks I used to be breaking down every day.
I'm not breaking down over the same thing over and over like I used to. I'm digging out stuff and gettting it dealt with and getting ways to deal with it in place should it ever come up again. This morning, I needed reassurance and physical contact, which I got. So I'm good.
Actual incidents of breaking down may appear to be up to those I show it to, but are in fact down, as I don't break down when alone even 1/10 as often. Every few weeks I find myself unhappy in front of Darkside; the length of the bad mood is now shorter, my reaction to the bad mood is less bad, and these days I usually have what the problem is hacked out beforehand, and I just need someone to tell me that I'm overreacting and things will be just fine; sometimes I'm even able to tell him that this is what I need to hear. I don't break down much more often than every other week or so in front of Darkside, anymore; some weeks I used to be breaking down every day.
I'm not breaking down over the same thing over and over like I used to. I'm digging out stuff and gettting it dealt with and getting ways to deal with it in place should it ever come up again. This morning, I needed reassurance and physical contact, which I got. So I'm good.
relationships
Oct. 17th, 2002 05:26 pmSometimes, when I get through talking with Darkside, I feel as though I've been thoroughly kissed. Today was one of those days. When I walked him to his car, we smiled and stuck our tongues out at each other after his mind went somewhere it shouldn't have, joking...
Mmm, yummy.
Oct. 17th, 2002 06:00 pmToday being Thursday and therefore one of Darkside's days off from work, he wore clothing other than his work uniform. Today's visual treat was black jeans, his black button-down shirt, and his tan trenchcoat, with his high school class ring and his gold eagle necklace.
The combined effect, with his lovely hair, was delightful. When he added shades and black leather driving gloves (with studs on the knuckles), I told him that he might not appreciate hearing this, but that he was very attractive.
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
votania, Hearing my description of him today, said that my view of him was very erotic.
The combined effect, with his lovely hair, was delightful. When he added shades and black leather driving gloves (with studs on the knuckles), I told him that he might not appreciate hearing this, but that he was very attractive.
votania, Hearing my description of him today, said that my view of him was very erotic.Interesting mind-state quiz...
Oct. 17th, 2002 09:46 pm
| I have issues with... |
| selflessness drama nudity memory innocence |
Talked with Darkside about stuff. He let me hold his hand until I was done with the general tears. I'm getting better about not freaking out about stuff before it happens; I'm getting faster at getting over things that haven't happened yet.
Arm-wrestled. He mostly won; I won one round. Grabbed his hand unprepared for Mercy; he lost, mostly because he wasn't prepared.
Was Impromptu Speaking Mistress for Speech class. Asked questions about love. Got some interesting answers. Ashford felt moved to share his viewpoint on love, it being this: Love makes the world just plain better. You're happier, and everything's better. If it's not doing that, there's something wrong, and you should probably be running in the other direction very very fast.
I agreed with him.
Lunch with Dawn. Fun. Discussed what might happen if Adam, the Viking, Darkside, andmarxdarx were ever all in one place at once. I'm fairly sure that amongst that group, there are minors in all of the four physical elements (air, fire, earth, and water, respectively) ...a complete Circle of Fire! ...If they got along with one another, that is.
Turned in research paper. Yay!
Votania showed up at school. We raided the library book sale. My late book fee was only $3 (or three cans of food for the food bank); I brought in four. I gave them the extra one for luck.
Arm-wrestled. He mostly won; I won one round. Grabbed his hand unprepared for Mercy; he lost, mostly because he wasn't prepared.
Was Impromptu Speaking Mistress for Speech class. Asked questions about love. Got some interesting answers. Ashford felt moved to share his viewpoint on love, it being this: Love makes the world just plain better. You're happier, and everything's better. If it's not doing that, there's something wrong, and you should probably be running in the other direction very very fast.
I agreed with him.
Lunch with Dawn. Fun. Discussed what might happen if Adam, the Viking, Darkside, and
marxdarx were ever all in one place at once. I'm fairly sure that amongst that group, there are minors in all of the four physical elements (air, fire, earth, and water, respectively) ...a complete Circle of Fire! ...If they got along with one another, that is. Turned in research paper. Yay!
Votania showed up at school. We raided the library book sale. My late book fee was only $3 (or three cans of food for the food bank); I brought in four. I gave them the extra one for luck.
Note to everyone who wants to contact me:
Oct. 17th, 2002 09:57 pmAt this point, only my Yahoo message service is working. Anyone wanting to get ahold of me, the ID is silenceshadow, and Yahoo does take messages.