But the thing is, Rainy...

...Since we're complements, I still doubt, because he does feel like me, and I do feel like him, especially at that close a range (physical contact), and he has his shields set to high reflect.

...though that was a rather lot of energy gushing back at me. I shouldn't have put in enough to knock me on my ass when it was returned.

Oh, you stupid, stupid spammers.

Um.

When you have the *same* bizarre stream of characters in all of your subject lines, even though you keep altering the From name, the From address, and the rest of the subject line, it is very, very easy for people like me to set up a filter to send your asses to the trash.

In other news...

Skippy is still cute. If he'd met me before he'd gotten serious with his wife, he so would have gotten it on with me. *giggle*

IEEE meeting today, of some sort. I see the IEEE officers in my class in their cute IEEE polo shirts with their names on them. I can't remember if it's a speaker meeting (pizza and/or sandwiches) or a business meeting (no pizza, no sandwiches). But either way, it'll be educational.

A 'song meme:

Who are your five all-time favorite writers, and why are they your favorites?

1. Lois McMaster Bujold

Character-driven space opera, with strong characters, both male and female. Believable flaws, and realistic villains. Good writing. Lovely words.

2. Diane Duane

Magic. Strong characters. Good writing. Real magic. My introduction to same.

3. John M. Ford

Storytelling. Characters. Ability to sweep you into the universe. High adventure.

My name is.

I do this every once in a while, just to keep track of what I'm like, to the observer.

My name is:
My name is Joan, aka Azz, which is short for azurelunatic. Face-to-face friends generally call me Joanie.

I wear (clothing):
I typically wear shorts and a somewhat-battered t-shirt, or black jeans/long black skirt and a long-sleeved black shirt. Huge glasses with plastic frames: pale pink, transparent, or prescription sunglasses that are smaller and more oval.

I wear (jewelery):
Jewelery: no rings. Black hemp bracelet with five rose quartz spheres on left wrist. The loose length of fastener chain tickles my arm regularly. Earrings: three piercings, which sometimes do have earrings and sometimes don't. Current earrings are small silvery hypoallergenic metal sphere studs. Current earrings if I feel like dressing up are garnet & silver studs with garnet & silver ovals dangling off. Necklaces: one. Black cord, adjustable length, silver pentacle, Celtic knotwork around the edge, small amythyst in the middle. I rarely take this off.

I wear (makeup):
Makeup: None at the moment. Usually lip gloss (evil AZ weather is too dry for going without), occasionally a little eyeshadow lately (trying to use that box up), sometimes lipstick and/or concealer. No nail polish lately.

My hair is:
Hair: Black, wavy/mildly curly, reaching to the end of my shoulderblades. Prone to getting frizzy.

My body is:
Buff enough to toss around a 60-lb kid with no problems, and can pick up a 220-lb guy and swing him around in circles too. Plump, with big breasts.

My mind is:
Divided up four ways. Me, garnetdagger, Marah, and N%. Still clear. N%'s the best programmer; I'm the best writer; Dagger's the most cutting with precise words; Marah's actually the best psychologist, especially when she teams up with Dagger.

Terrors (mine)

Well, duh. Pretty much everyone called it: my worst fear is losing Darkside. But it's more specific than that. I'm not terrified of him accidentally dying; that's in no way going to separate us. It would be horribly lonely and frightening, yes, but it's not something that I live in terror of.

After the Realization that I'm his friend and I'm not going to be leaving any time soon settles down into Darkside's brain, I will be a bit scared of me dying before him. I do not want to ever be in a position to see what happens to him if that happens, because from the way he keeps his mind, I don't think it would be very good. I really think that I could take our temporary separation by death better. But, again, that's not something I dwell on.

What I'm terrified of is losing his friendship.

I could see us drifting slowly apart. That's what he's been trying to do. That's what he always does. He's an Army brat. He's used to it. He's been trying to gently detach me, so as not to break my heart. I've not been taking the hint. His brain stalled out on him the other night over this. He's learning about the lifetime, intense kind of friendship.

The thought of drifting away from him shreds me inside. I've drifted away from friends through distance before. The concept doesn't scare me as it used to. Somehow, though, with Darkside... terrifying.

I've said the wrong thing to friends before. Sometimes we patched things up. Sometimes, we didn't. Sometimes, friends and I drifted apart because I was myself, and I was not who they wanted as a friend.

I'm terrified that I may say the wrong thing to Darkside, either by pure accident, or if I get angry and say things I know will harm him in blind rage, that he'll back away from me and break the friendship rather than get hurt again. I know I have the capability to hurt him, and I fear that I would use it, either accidentally or in what would be literally insanity. (And yes, iroshi, I know what I'm saying.)

Bookmarks for shutdown:

Comic I'm reading all the archives of: http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archive/01_04/0416.html

sos_usa entry to pimp: http://www.livejournal.com/community/sos_usa/894274.html

Story I'm re-reading: http://www.schnoogle.com/authors/cassie/DD03.html

My place in the back entries of my journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/azurelunatic/2002/03/18/

Deserved a pimping entry all by itself: survivors of sexual abuse/rape.

shadesong is doing a non-denominational thing for survivors of sexual abuse and/or rape. The entry's here.

Household

Lit another one of those black spiral candles, for housecleaning. Proceeded to do mending, vacuum, and ... not sure what else. But stuff's getting done.

The Invisible Friends Cast:

Allow me to introduce Little Fayoumis' group of friends that only he can see.

There's Sim, the robot.
There's Colshin Pickles, LF's spyhunter, another kid LF's age.
There's Colshin [lastname], who is LF's father, evidently.

I have taken to telling Little Fayoumis that he is responsible for making sure that his friends behave and be quiet if we're shopping or something; if they don't behave themselves, and they make LF have to make a noisy fuss keeping them quiet, then they have to stay outside or in the car, or go back home.

Housecleaning.

Replaced the burned-out bulb in my bathroom.
Retrieved some of the spare Christmas light bulbs to replace the burned-out lights on the string in my room.
Put green goo in my toilet.
Put the last of the sputtering foam from the oven-cleaner can into the oven.
Organized the household cleaners closet.
Put the ant/roach spray (toxic) into the storage shed rather than the lower cupboard. (The only reason it was in there is because Little Fayoumis has proven himself Very Good with not even thinking about messing with toxic substances, which is a joy.)
Found the emptiest can of dusting spray and put it in the front.

Further adventures in housecleaning...

Scrubbed out the toilet in my bathroom. Swept the kitchen floor.

marxdarx is doing the laundry for him, votania, and Little Fayoumis.

The candle, the black one (the second one for today) is burning merrily away.