Weight and body issues
Aug. 10th, 2003 01:25 amI get a little defensive about my body sometimes, and not hardly defensive enough at others when they walk all over me.
But for this rant to make any sense, it really helps to know that the weight I consider ideal for myself is in the neighborhood of 190-200. In fact, to get down to 190 in high school after attaining my adult female body, I had to simultaneously maintain a high level of activity while limiting myself to 90 grams of carbohydrates/day, without limiting my protein intake, and not really stressing on the fat. (This was before the Atkins diet was a fad; I was modeling after the diabetic kids I babysat for.) And even then, I was pushing myself too hard -- one day I got dizzy and had to sit out the fencing class because I hadn't bothered to eat beforehand.
These days, I am well, well over my ideal weight. I know this, and anyone who points it out to me as if I hadn't noticed it, as if it was any concern of theirs, is going to die the painful one.
My ideal weight for me is just that, for me, and I don't really pay much attention to what the scale says and what the tag on the clothes say for anyone else, just that whatever it is, it's appropriate for their body type and bone structure.
So I have very little sympathy for some people who have nothing wrong with their bodies (if a doctor would not mention it to you, for example) except that somehow they can't see themselves as okay in any way, which is psychological.
I have sympathy for those who know it's psychological and are taking steps about that. There are several people who fit that description who are likely reading this; hugs for all, and I hope you come to terms with the power of your own beauty soon.
I get angry and frustrated when people with perfectly normal, healthy bodies and minds that just aren't quite aligned right with the body go and do stuff to the body that makes it unhealthy.
And then there are just the people whose ideal of beauty doesn't align with my own. (Gillian Anderson is just about perfect, from my perspective. At least, she used to be when I still watched that show.) It's frustrating to meet someone, and think, "She's pretty," and then listen to the complaint that she's too fat, when she's actually too thin to hit your "Holy mother of perl, she's HOT!" radar. And then she loses weight, and drops from pretty to "She's reasonably attractive, I guess", and then looks to be falling down out of that -- and she still thinks she's too fat?
It's enough to make me punch bricks.
For the love of gods, WHY?
But for this rant to make any sense, it really helps to know that the weight I consider ideal for myself is in the neighborhood of 190-200. In fact, to get down to 190 in high school after attaining my adult female body, I had to simultaneously maintain a high level of activity while limiting myself to 90 grams of carbohydrates/day, without limiting my protein intake, and not really stressing on the fat. (This was before the Atkins diet was a fad; I was modeling after the diabetic kids I babysat for.) And even then, I was pushing myself too hard -- one day I got dizzy and had to sit out the fencing class because I hadn't bothered to eat beforehand.
These days, I am well, well over my ideal weight. I know this, and anyone who points it out to me as if I hadn't noticed it, as if it was any concern of theirs, is going to die the painful one.
My ideal weight for me is just that, for me, and I don't really pay much attention to what the scale says and what the tag on the clothes say for anyone else, just that whatever it is, it's appropriate for their body type and bone structure.
So I have very little sympathy for some people who have nothing wrong with their bodies (if a doctor would not mention it to you, for example) except that somehow they can't see themselves as okay in any way, which is psychological.
I have sympathy for those who know it's psychological and are taking steps about that. There are several people who fit that description who are likely reading this; hugs for all, and I hope you come to terms with the power of your own beauty soon.
I get angry and frustrated when people with perfectly normal, healthy bodies and minds that just aren't quite aligned right with the body go and do stuff to the body that makes it unhealthy.
And then there are just the people whose ideal of beauty doesn't align with my own. (Gillian Anderson is just about perfect, from my perspective. At least, she used to be when I still watched that show.) It's frustrating to meet someone, and think, "She's pretty," and then listen to the complaint that she's too fat, when she's actually too thin to hit your "Holy mother of perl, she's HOT!" radar. And then she loses weight, and drops from pretty to "She's reasonably attractive, I guess", and then looks to be falling down out of that -- and she still thinks she's too fat?
It's enough to make me punch bricks.
For the love of gods, WHY?