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Dec. 17th, 2012
Planning parties for introverts
Dec. 17th, 2012 03:06 pmSo one of my friends was trawling the internet looking for Useful, and discovered that there seemed to be plenty of guides for introverts on surviving extrovert parties, but none for introverts planning their own parties, or for people planning parties that are designed to be friendly for introverts.
I hope to help remedy this lack.
Extroverts tend to be able to socialize at the drop of a hat. Introverts may need more of a prompt to do so. Consider party activities, like card or board games, something to watch as a group (Mystery Science Theatre 3000 is a standard), or a craft get-together. Make sure that anyone is welcome to just hang back and watch. A dinner party can also provide a helpful structure.
Avoid the sorts of long games that if you start, you're committed to an hour or more, unless you know that enough people to play them are actually into that.
Have places to retreat to, such as secluded reading nooks, a cloakroom, the kitchen, or similar. This can help free up the bathroom for people who need to use it for the intended function, if there are other places of (relative) solitude. Consider the need for multiple, two-or-three-person areas. Two or three can sit around in companionable silence that's almost as good as being entirely alone (sometimes better), and a party with more than one introvert may need corners suitable for all of them.
When giving the Tour of the Place, include mention of the quiet places, so your guests will know that it is acceptable/encouraged to duck in if things get a bit loud for them.
Many discussions of introverts-in-high-social functions use "loud" and "socially overwhelming" as close synonyms, though they're not entirely. However, actual volume can contribute. Unless it's a dance party, set the volume on the music/entertainment at a level that people do not have to scream over in order to be heard. (If it is a sufficiently loud dance party, have a quiet room.)
Pay careful attention to the guest list, and make sure that there are no known explosive/uncomfortable combinations. Social is hard enough without the risk of something going boom. Unless you're pretty sure it'll work, maybe avoid a situation with chatty people who all know each other and one very introverted person who knows only you. Try for something where everyone knows at least one other person besides you. (Mapping this out may be made easier with a social network visualizer tool. In a pinch, use paper and multicolored crayons. If you have Microsoft Office, try Visio, as you can use the connector tools and then shuffle nodes around without breaking links.)
Try to avoid including mortal enemies in the same party. (It is at this point that I link http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html in case someone's not been introduced to it before.) Basically if you have a social group with a pair of mortal enemies in it and you plan a party for that group, either you're going to risk Unpleasantness before or after if one of them isn't invited to the party, because of being left out, or Unpleasantness at the party, if they both come and clash there. Me, I'd choose the straightforward "look, under other circumstances I would invite you to the party, and there will be future parties where you will be gladly invited, but the fact is that you and X do not get along, and X is coming to this party, so you are not" approach. (There was one party where Y was not informed that the party existed, the party was in honor of X's birthday, Y found out about the party but somehow missed the reason for the party, Y showed up in a huff that he'd not been invited, and I got to do the explanation -- even though it was not my party. Y subsided and went quietly away.) (If you guessed that one might be a Shawn story, you win the prize.)
What else am I missing?
I hope to help remedy this lack.
Extroverts tend to be able to socialize at the drop of a hat. Introverts may need more of a prompt to do so. Consider party activities, like card or board games, something to watch as a group (Mystery Science Theatre 3000 is a standard), or a craft get-together. Make sure that anyone is welcome to just hang back and watch. A dinner party can also provide a helpful structure.
Avoid the sorts of long games that if you start, you're committed to an hour or more, unless you know that enough people to play them are actually into that.
Have places to retreat to, such as secluded reading nooks, a cloakroom, the kitchen, or similar. This can help free up the bathroom for people who need to use it for the intended function, if there are other places of (relative) solitude. Consider the need for multiple, two-or-three-person areas. Two or three can sit around in companionable silence that's almost as good as being entirely alone (sometimes better), and a party with more than one introvert may need corners suitable for all of them.
When giving the Tour of the Place, include mention of the quiet places, so your guests will know that it is acceptable/encouraged to duck in if things get a bit loud for them.
Many discussions of introverts-in-high-social functions use "loud" and "socially overwhelming" as close synonyms, though they're not entirely. However, actual volume can contribute. Unless it's a dance party, set the volume on the music/entertainment at a level that people do not have to scream over in order to be heard. (If it is a sufficiently loud dance party, have a quiet room.)
Pay careful attention to the guest list, and make sure that there are no known explosive/uncomfortable combinations. Social is hard enough without the risk of something going boom. Unless you're pretty sure it'll work, maybe avoid a situation with chatty people who all know each other and one very introverted person who knows only you. Try for something where everyone knows at least one other person besides you. (Mapping this out may be made easier with a social network visualizer tool. In a pinch, use paper and multicolored crayons. If you have Microsoft Office, try Visio, as you can use the connector tools and then shuffle nodes around without breaking links.)
Try to avoid including mortal enemies in the same party. (It is at this point that I link http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html in case someone's not been introduced to it before.) Basically if you have a social group with a pair of mortal enemies in it and you plan a party for that group, either you're going to risk Unpleasantness before or after if one of them isn't invited to the party, because of being left out, or Unpleasantness at the party, if they both come and clash there. Me, I'd choose the straightforward "look, under other circumstances I would invite you to the party, and there will be future parties where you will be gladly invited, but the fact is that you and X do not get along, and X is coming to this party, so you are not" approach. (There was one party where Y was not informed that the party existed, the party was in honor of X's birthday, Y found out about the party but somehow missed the reason for the party, Y showed up in a huff that he'd not been invited, and I got to do the explanation -- even though it was not my party. Y subsided and went quietly away.) (If you guessed that one might be a Shawn story, you win the prize.)
What else am I missing?
14 tweets for 2012-12-17
Dec. 17th, 2012 11:55 pmIn the last 24 hours, I posted the following to Twitter:
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- Monday, 0101: My fitbit #fitstats for 12/16/2012: 2,656 steps and 1.1 miles traveled. http://www.fitbit.com/user/23LLYD
- Monday, 0304: RT @lillianbehrendt: RT if you struggle with basic self care.
- Monday, 0306: RT @decontextual: Foreigner thought: if a human gives an ateva oral sex, are they at risk for alkaloid poisoning? --it's the opposite of ...
- Monday, 0310: @ClareActual @Skud @theage Bromance, clearly? Because two heterosexual men are unlikely to screw, so not fuckbuddies. #heteronormativity
- Monday, 0312: @kiyala COCKS ( read the other 9 )
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