Blurred wha?

So I heard Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" for the first time tonight. All of the variously annoyed/angry/critical commentary clicked when I realized that Robin Thicke is a dude; a song about the conflicts between purity culture and having a fucking sex drive from the perspective of a woman would be kind of awesome when done well, and I'm pretty sure that there are no few of them out there.

Despite Batman, I rarely think of "Robin" as a dude's name, even though it's solidly unisex and it's the butch version where Robyn is femme.

I really liked the sound of the song.
I really did not like the yet-another-voice-encouraging-men-to-push-women-into-sex-they're-not-sure-about-having effect.

Before the song was halfway over, my brain started busily rewriting it as a WSW anthem by "Robyn Dicke". Unusually, I got visual information on the casting. Robyn Dicke is portrayed as a 5'10"+, size ~20, woman of any race with powerful legs, ~2" electric violet hair with longer triangular bangs, short in the back, wearing a dark purple shimmer latex bodysuit with a matching black glitter batbelt and combat boots, and a black webbing harness with a blue/purple/magenta swirl silicone dong; the magenta is very blacklight-reactive but the others might not be.

The song is to the attention of the "straight" (Kinsey 1-2 and without quite yet having realized her attraction to women for what it is) girl getting frisky with her in the club.

The "straight" girl is cast by a ~5'4" girl with wavy black hair down a little past her shoulders, dark eyes with long lashes or a lot of mascara, dark lipstick, skin any color from very pale to medium tan, wearing jeans and an off-the-shoulder shirt with a lot of sequins. Her bra is very white and black-light reactive; her shirt is not, and is thin. In non-blacklight, her shirt would also be blue/purple/magenta, but that's not visible in the club.

"Good girl" is replaced with "straight girl" in this version.

A social network

So in the shower I had an amazing idea for a social media service where people could not only share their favorite examples of clever wordplay, but there would be a smart engine that would try and detect similarities both the obvious way (if it's over a certain percentage the same, is it essentially the same one?) and perhaps by theme, if the submitters or others in their trust network tag them.

It would be called ...
( wait for it )

My tweets

• Thu, 12:07: Photo: nightvaleheadcanons: When the paper towel dispenser in the bathroom at the studio runs out of paper... http://t.co/dGGg1D4QZf
• Thu, 12:30: Photoset: shinytotodile: tibblewinkles: andrewcentrism: nikkidoughnuts: 88floors: The Cube desktop 3D home... http://t.co/mv8RFZkaj3
• Thu, 16:00: Photo: amberfoxfire: tehnakki: marielikestodraw: inthewinterigrowantlers: tweedle-dipshit: americanninjax:... http://t.co/Xqf1koauA7
• Thu, 22:01: Tonight @teshiron is sharing horrible lounge covers. BARBIE GIRL
• Thu, 22:08: RT @venis_envy: "Definitely one of the most accurate posts ever in existence about fanfiction": http://t.co/uM0mNP9eHB
• Thu, 22:09: RT @shirozora: bigotry hurts your feelings. racism is systematic.
• Fri, 01:01: My fitbit #Fitstats for 8/22/2013: 4,695 steps and 2 miles traveled. http://t.co/gFMrr7HEB6
• Fri, 01:19: Have now heard "Blurred Lines"; brain started transformative works not even halfway in.
• Fri, 02:52: Someone remind me to talk about the documentation process on the proper use of fire.
• Fri, 02:56: RT @SquidFromSpace: @abigailb "If you think this a hawk, turn to 349. If you think it a handsaw, turn to 28".

( Read more... )

Documenting: fire.

Occasionally I check things off on my "things I have documented" list that I never expected would be there. Yesterday was one of those days.


Work has a gas powered fire pit outdoors between two of the buildings. I've never seen it fired up. One day quite a few months ago, a few of the usual suspects and I were hanging around outside talking in the conversation area near said fire pit. There were also a number of engineers with idle hands near the fire pit.

When I'm not in monofocus, my brain does the opposite thing, where it tries to take in all the information at once. "Eavesdropping" implies you're doing it on purpose. Thus I heard (and eavesdropped on) the conversation amongst the engineers with idle hands. Spanning quite a lot longer than it takes to relate it, it evolved approximately like this:

It's chilly out here.
I'm cold.
I wonder if the fire pit is on.
I don't see any fire, and it's cold.
I wonder how it turns on.
Maybe this is how you do it, with this valve?
*some fussing with things*
No, it's not on.
*more fussing with things*
This might be the control box, but it's locked.
Aww dang.
*yet more fussing with things*
I think this is how the valve was when we got here.
Let's go inside, I'm cold.

Somewhat later, someone (I think Mr. Ungoogleable Nick) sniffed the air and asked "Does anyone else smell gas?"

I smelt gas.

I had previously had occasion to confirm that security's external-facing phone number was the area code and prefix you might expect given everybody else's phone numbers, with four out of five digits of security's very memorable extension appended. I called security, security hustled us out of the area, and xlerb and I finished up our chat over thattaway.

A few weeks ago, while I was huddled around a mug of hot mint tea with bits of candied ginger, trying to get my angry stomach and throat to calm down (treating the symptoms of what I thought was some poor decisions the night before, but was in fact the herald of an absolutely miserable cold) I overheard a few more engineers with idle hands contemplating the fire pit and its charms.

Directly after my tea was finished, I went upstairs and filed a ticket requesting training on the proper operation of the fire pit, or contact information for someone possessing the same, because of the aforementioned incidents and my desire to be a person who could stop these things from happening.

"I'm not sure anyone knows how to use it," the senior facilities guy said. "No one's used it in years."

This refrain would come to be repeated in only slightly altered form by everybody I mentioned it to, either in "I've only seen it used once or twice many years ago", or "I've never seen it used."

Facilities went and poked at it. Facilities discovered that the control panel was full of crud, and would need de-crudding. Facilities realized that due to time and disuse, it was no longer operational. Facilities knew a guy. The parts were on order.

"Nobody's used it in years," some guy from Security said, at a get-to-know-your-essential-workplace-services event. "I did take a call about a gas leak once."

"Yeah, some engineers with idle hands were screwing around, and then we smelled gas," I said. "Thanks for taking care of that."

And in due time, the ticket got updated: the fire pit was fixed, and instructions were on the control box.

I wandered down and took a look. The pit had a heap of decorative-looking rocks and lumps of colorful glass; the rocks and such were no longer heaped over the business end, and it looked like something that could usefully emit fire. The instructions on the control box were simple.

Naturally, this called for a wiki page to document the instructions.

* Turn the timer on the side of the control box for the length of fire you want, up to 2 hours at a time.
* Stay clear of the fire pit until it has ignited.

I figured that contingency instructions were a good idea, and added:

* If the fire pit fails to ignite when you expect it to, [call security].

I stared at it a little longer, and added another bullet point at position 3:

* Don't do dumb things with fire or the fire pit.

That was enough, I decided, and saved the new page with the commit note "Because engineers with idle hands and fire is the best combination."

The usual suspects in IRC had to hear about this, so I linked the wiki page in there.

Mr. Zune: "And my inner lawyer just has to ask. What constitutes 'dumb' here?"
Azz: "You have a job here. I'm pretty sure you can figure out 'dumb'."
Mr. Zune: "I mean, is a hairspray or non-dairy creamer flamethrower 'dumb'?"
Azz: *sigh*


* Don't do dumb (or overly clever) things with fire or the fire pit.

//Technically speaking, hairspray or non-dairy creamer flamethrowers aren't "dumb", but they're sure not the smartest choice either.



I expect that someone at tonight's beer-related shenanigans will discover the new state of the fire pit, and will fire it up. Whee!